A life worth saving
by Majandraja
Summary: Sakura looses again people important to her and she is not capable to cope with the pain. She makes a decision and after leaving Konoha for one year she comes back. But she has changed.[kakasaku] I suck with summaries, so read! [Rated M just to be save]
1. Chapter 1

First: I don´t own Naruto!!

The words at the start are a poem I wrote 3 years back.

Key: "Normal talk"

_Thinking_

**--------------------**

**A Life worth saving**

**1. Truth, oh terrible truth**

_Feeling like the leaves in Wind_

_helpless _

_Falling during fall_

_Dying on the ground_

_miserably_

_Crying for the good old time_

_Companions dying everywhere_

_Beware _

_-it could be you_

Everyone comes to a point in his life when you have to make a choice and a decision which will lead to your life in the future or your destruction. It's inevitable and cruel especially if you are a shinobi and want to live. Haruno Sakura, 20, medic-nin, had to make such a decision and it would bring her pain, no matter how she choose. At least, that was what she thought she had to do - choosing. She knew that, more clearly than anything right now. And it would determine her life as a kunoichi, her emotions and what was more important, the way her friends and the other people around her, would think about her.

The clearing was surrounded by high trees, birds chirping and the grass moving with the wind that blew through it.

It was a sunny, but also cloudy day and the rays of the sun that would normally warm Sakura's skin, where freezing and ridiculing her right now with their bright light. Her big green eyes were bigger than normal, her pink hair, her face, clothes and body were covered in blood, tears escaping her eyes, mixing with the crimson blood. No sound escaping from her mouth. She simply had no strength left to sob or scream out in agony.

But she couldn't care less. What was important right now was the smashed body lying in front of her. She looked into the weary eyes of her teammate which were unfocused and numb. Sakura knew that she had only one option left to save the friend lying before her and fighting for his life.

_Healing him with my chakra and my enormous knowledge of medical jutsus. That´s the only way. Please. Don't die on me now._

Her team had been on a mission and was about to head back home when they were ambushed and there had been no time or chance for a suitable reaction. Sakura had nearly been out of chakra for some time and so was one of her three teammates. After this hard mission it was only natural to be glad to head back home, being able to regenerate from the injuries but this attack not only took them by surprise, but they were also surprised by the people they had been attacked by.

_Konoha ninja. Focus, dammit!!_

Sakura closed her eyes, but opened them wide the next instant. She realized, that she had to focus on the now, not on what happened before. She realized, that no matter how hard she would try to save him, her teammate would surely die.

_No. Don't die. You promised me!!_

He would die because he had protected her earlier, blocking kunai and shuriken which were meant for her and she had not been able to dodge because she had tried to heal another teammate whose fate is was to die.

_Again._

Not wanting to face reality, Sakura made a few hand seals in attempt to heal him, wincing in pain when she recognized that her wrist and her arm were broken. But she didn't care. Sakura laid her hands together above the stomach of her teammate, green light emitting from her palms, trying to heal the injuries.

_I have to try! I have to try! Even if it costs me my life, I will not loose another teammate!_

But to no use.

Everything around Sakura went black after deep inside realizing in a short, painful, sharp flash, moments before she blacked out, that her teammate was already dead. His lifeless and dull eyes looking into hers.

_I lost you._

-------------------------

Sitting in her office and not really paying attention to the report in her hands, Tsunade, fifth Hokage and chief medic-nin, sighed in defeat and put down the report on her desk, taking the bottle of sake that she had been able to smuggle in the office without Shizune, her assistant, noticing and took a big sip of it. She turned away from her desk, looking out of the big window without paying attention to the city that lie peacefully underneath it and thought about the report she had read earlier that same day, thinking about the events that had occurred the last week.

Flashback:

Sakura and her team had been already late to return from the mission, that wasn't unusual for other teams, but it was uncommon for her. Tsunade got up from the desk, feeling uneasy and restless, having a bad feeling about it since the reports Sakura had sent back didn't contain any evidence that the mission wouldn't be finished on time.

Three hours later Tsunade was sure that something was terribly wrong, due to the fact that there were no news from Sakura. Calling Shizune in, she asked her to send a group of ninja consisting of medic-nin and jounin to find Sakura and her team.

Anxious waiting for their return with news from Sakura's team, Tsunade tried to concentrate on reports Shizune had brought in this morning, but failed. Daydreaming in her chair, she nearly fell off when Shizune burst in, the door crashing against the wall from the power Shizune had applied to it in order to open it in a hurry.

"Tsunade-sama! We have to hurry! Sakura was wounded on the mission!" Shizune shouted, while turning around back to the corridor without even looking back. Tsunade was already on her feet, hurrying behind Shizune to the hospital.

Leading Tsunade in the room Sakura had been brought to, Shizune rushed to the bed, switching place with the medic that had already started to treat Sakura's wounds.

Tsunade however, stood, frozen on the spot at the door, looking to the spot where Sakura lay, her face pale, fighting back the tears. Everything was blurry around her, and the medics around her moved as if they were in slow motion. Her stomach tightened painfully, then suddenly the feeling of having to throw up surfaced. She didn't even notice Shizune who was yelling and giving orders.

There she was, Sakura, the girl she herself had trained for years, the girl she had watched growing up, lying pale and bloodstained in a hospital bed, barely breathing and alive.

"Tsunade-sama! **Tsunade-sama!**" Shizune yelled, trying to get her attention. When one of the nurses left the room to get some supplies Shizune asked for, she ran into Tsunade, who snapped immediately out of her numbness, proceeded to the bed and helped Shizune to heal Sakura. Her injuries were even worse than Tsunade had expected them to be.

She had several wounds that looked like they had been inflicted by shuriken Sakura had not been able to doge in time so that they would streak her skin but not causing enough damage to kill her instantly. There were several wounds from kunai too. She had broken bones that already started to heal and some wounds that seemed like Sakura had tried to heal them earlier on her own.

_Those wounds are older. Dammit. She reported that there were some injuries, but she forgot to mention that they were _severe_. And the others didn't mention that in their reports either. Dammit. _

_Focus. You have work to do. At least give her a chance to live!_

It took 6 hours, several medics, Shizune and Tsunade, who refused to leave Sakura's side, until Sakura was out of danger. When they were finished and left the room, the Hokage saw a bunch of people sitting on benches, on the floor and leaning against the wall, waiting for news about their friend. Naruto, who was as loud as ever, blocked her way and asked how Sakura was, looking into her eyes with fear, while the other ones around looked up, waiting for Tsunade to answer.

"She is alright, but still unconscious. Go home. You can visit her tomorrow." She said, walking away. Shizune had informed her during surgery, that the remaining teammates had been found dead.

Naruto ran after her, preparing to ask more questions when she suddenly came to a halt.

"Don't, Naruto." she said without turning around. Naruto stopped, not because Tsunade yelled like he would have expected her to, because she didn't. Instead, her voice was tired, thin, pained and silent. Backing away from her, she continued to walk away, vanishing from his sight behind the next corner.

End Flashback

_Six hours. If Sakura had not been a medic-nin herself, she would have died that day. And three good ninjas _did_ die._

Tsunade sighed, again, when she thought about everything. The team that had found her apprentice and the others came back with alarming news. Evidence showed, that the group had been ambushed by at least two unknown ninjas. Ninjaswith the** Konoha leaf symbol **on their forehead protectorsBut they were not ninjas from the hidden leaf village. Tsunade had sighed in relief when Shizune had informed her later about this, but at the same time began to worry.

The identity of the shinobi stayed unknown even after some research and there were no hints that they had been missing-nins from other hidden villages who intended to attack Konoha, but there was no way to prove that or to find out.

_Someone feigning to be a ninja from Konoha._ _Ts. What will it be next time?_

_I hate playing mind games and this kind of games I hate more than people who confiscate my gambling chips._

She had informed the council, the elders and the ninjas that were about to go on missions about possible ambushes and attacks from ninjas posing as shinobi from Konoha immediately, but so far, no more attacks were reported, but that didn't mean she had time to do nothing and to wait what happened next. That brought her back to Sakura.

It took Sakura 2 days to finally wake up and 2 more days to stay awake for more than 3 minutes without going back to sleep. Yesterday, Tsunade was finally able to speak to her about what happened. Sakura simply burst out into tears, sobbing into her pillow, not allowing Tsunade to touch or comfort her. On that day, the Hokage wasn't able to get an answer from her apprentice and left her alone, mourning for her dead teammates.

She would give her a day to recover a little before asking her again.

Apart from Sakura's emotional condition Tsunade was worried about the fact that Sakura refused to speak or allow anyone in her room except hospital staff.

_I have to get an answer today. No more games. I have to know what happened. Sakura had one day to recover, that has to be enough._

Getting out of the chair and walking out of her office, Tsunade headed for the hospital.

"How is Sakura today?" She asked the nurse on the desk who handed her Sakura's papers.

"She still refuses to talk and she still doesn't want anyone, not even one of her friends in her room." The nurse answered sadly.

"I will take a look at her." Tsunade said, taking the papers with her and walking to Sakura's room. Opening the door, she saw Sakura sitting in her bed. Her head was resting on her knees which she had brought to her chest and embracing them. Her eyes were closed.

"Sakura." But she didn't answer, in fact, she didn't even react to her name. Tsunade walked over to her after closing the door.

Physically, Sakura was alright. Her injuries, as bad as they had been, were gone and her chakra level was up to normal. Emotionally however, Sakura was far away from being okay, in the end, she was the only one to survive out of her four man team.

_I have no choice. I need to know._

"Sakura! **Sakura!**" Sakura moved her head a little when Tsunade's voice got louder. "I need to know what happen, Sakura. I know this is hard, but you have to tell me." She said with a now calm voice. "Everything you can remember could be important."

"We were ambushed and they are dead. I wasn't able to save them. Is there more to tell?" Sakura answered with a dull, emotionless voice, her eyes still closed. Tsunade sat down on the chair next to Sakura's bed, her elbows resting on her tights and her head resting on her entwined hands.

"Sakura, please." Moments of silence went by and Tsunade wanted to start talking again when Sakura finally opened her eyes and began to speak.

"There are no details I can provide. Everything happened very fast and there was nothing special or unusual except the forehead protectors, but you already know about that."

"Just tell me."

"We were able to end the mission with success. We destroyed the scroll. But Kazou and I were nearly out of chakra and we all were injured. When we headed out of the hideout we had found the thieves of the scroll in, we were attacked and got injured, all of us. I was able to heal most of it after we finished the remaining ninja off. I think we were reckless and the injuries we still had didn't help either to stay alarmed." Her voice was broken and her face grimaced in pain when the memories of her lost teammates rushed back into her head.

"Ryo was first. When we came to the clearing, there was a rain of kunai out of nowhere. Ryo was the first to die." Sakura shut her eyes, only to open them again, the pain she felt inside evident in her eyes.

"I had no time to react, but I was able to dodge the kunai anyway, but some of them sliced my arms and shoulders. Taro was able to dodge them too, but Kazuo was hit by two directly in the chest. He removed them and jumped out of the way. Then, on a branch, I saw the glimmer of metal in the sun and so did the others. Taro and Kazuo threw some kunai in that direction, but it seemed that they didn't hit anything.

I don't know what rank those shinobi were, but they were dumb enough to reveal their position to us, one of them even jumped down to the ground. When Taro saw his forehead protector, he let his guard down. I don't know where that shuriken came from, but they slashed his back deeply. I ran to him and I tried to heal him, but I knew that I couldn't do anything for him. Kazuo had protected me, blocking kunai while I examined Taro, but Kazuo pushed me out of the way when another shuriken flew past us he wasn't able to block." Sakura closed her eyes again by the mention of Kazuo's name.

"I can't remember the rest clearly, but we were able to kill one of them when another bunch of shuriken and kunai was lashing down on us out of a sudden. I wasn't able to move, I don't know why." Her voice was full of pain and emotions while the tears that had been in her eyes earlier began to flow down her cheeks.

"Kazuo protected me with his body and he got hit. I saw the blood running down his legs when he broke down. Several kunai were sticking out of his legs and chest." Her voice was barely a whisper now.

"I don't know how I got the other one, but suddenly he was down, dead and I went back to Kazuo but I couldn't do anything." She sobbed. " I couldn't do anything for him. I wasn't strong enough. I had no chakra left. Again."

"Sakura, I..." Tsunade's face was full of emotions, knowing what Sakura was referring to.

"Don't say you understand because you don't!" Sakura screamed suddenly. "You don't know anything!"

"Sakura, please, calm down..." Tsunade was feeling something was wrong, awfully wrong.

"**I loved him!"**

**-------------------**

**So, what do you think of this chapter? Oh and, sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors...I am just human. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

So, here is the second chapter, I hope you like it. The poem is mine too, so please don't copy it and say it's your own.

Oh yeah, I don't own Naruto, and since it will be like that for all eternity, I won't write that down in the following chapters. ;)

**2. Numbness all over**

_During night, during day_

_just stay away_

_give me something against the pain_

_make my life simple and plain_

"I loved Kazuo and now he is dead!" Sakura screamed out loud, her face stained with tears, more rolling down her cheeks, her eyes puffy and red from crying. She buried her head back on her knees, sobbing loudly and her mid-back long hair covering her face entirely.

_Oh god. Sakura._

Tsunade stood up from the chair and sat down on the edge of the mattress. She reached over to Sakura and dragged her into an embrace. Sakura didn't fight back this time. She simply had not the strength to do so.

For one hour, Tsunade sat there, comforting Sakura with her mere presence. No words were spoken. They didn't need words for that matter.

Sakura's sobs ended, but they stayed in the embrace. Since Sakura's parents died one and a half year ago, Tsunade was like a second mother for her.

"I didn't know. I am so sorry. How long?" Tsunade asked with a low voice, not showing the pain that she herself felt.

"About 6 months. Oh god." Sakura's voice broke.

Tsunade stayed another hour, just holding her and speaking in a low and hushed voice with her.

"The others didn't know, did they?" Tsunade asked Sakura, who just shook her head.

"No they didn't... We agreed to keep it a secret... I don't know if Ryo anticipated something, but he never said anything. Naruto and the others didn't know it either. I didn't want to hurt anyone." Sakura answered, her tone low and thin.

Tsunade didn't bother Sakura with more questions since her breathing had calmed down and sleep took over. Tsunade placed Sakura back in bed, covering her pale and fragile form with a blanket. Exiting the room and closing the door soundlessly behind her, Tsunade went to her office. She knew exactly what Sakura was feeling. Pieces of a big puzzle fell into place. Little things she had observed over the last year suddenly made sense.

_Well, I guess there is really not more she can tell. Tse. Now I need another drink. A big one. And I have to find a way to help Sakura through that._

---------------------

Sakura was sitting on top of the Hokagemountain, looking over Konoha but not focusing on anything special. It was already late at night, but some streets were full of light, coming from the shops that were open late, the windows of the apartments and the bars. It was quiet and dark around Sakura. Peaceful.

Exactly the way Sakura liked it to be. Quiet and being alone. Without being bothered by questions from people she didn't even want to see let alone speak to.

She closed her jade colored eyes which held no emotions, and forced her muscles to relax, breathing with a steady rhythm, letting her mind and thoughts race on their own without directing them.

She started to feel the light breeze on her skin, the stony surface she was sitting on, she heard the distant screams of night active birds, her steady, but calm heartbeat. The whispering of the trees moving in the wind.

And then, she felt something else. Distant. Faint. Getting stronger. Louder. Malicious. Her breathing became erratic when she heard a scream directly behind her and her heartbeat quickened. Her eyes shot open in fear and she tried to scream, but no sound escaped her mouth.

There was nothing. Darkness. Silence. There was no Konoha, no lights, no trees, no grass, no birds. Nothing living. Suddenly, Sakura had the feeling of falling down, to fall off a cliff without hitting the ground beneath it and her stomach twisted and tightened. She closed her eyes, rolled into a ball in anticipation of the impact. But there was no impact.

When she opened her eyes, she was lying on the ground. Cold ground. The room was lit up with candles, their red and orange light reflecting in her green eyes. Getting up on wobbly feet, she heard a grumble behind her. She turned just to be face to face with a wolf which was ready to jump at her. Her eyes widened in fear, she got up since her feet had not been able to support her weight and she had collapsed again on the ground, turned and started running through the room to a door she had spotted moments ago. Jolting the doorhandle, she was able to open the door. She ran through a corridor that was behind it. It was cold. So cold. And she could hear the wolf. It was still behind her. His paws made terrible clicking sounds. Running. That was the only clear thought she had in mind.

She opened countless doors, proceeding through numerous corridors. But the wolf was still following her. She could hear it. Her breathing was heavy from the running, her heart was racing and her legs hurt. Everything suddenly hurt. She ran through the next door.

And again, there was nothing. Darkness. Breathing hard, she stood there, not knowing what to do. And then, she heard another scream. A loud scream. Her vision cleared somewhat, it was still dark, but she was able to make out shadows. The voice. She knew that voice. Running to where the sounds came from, she stopped when she saw a woman, bent over the body of another person. The person lying down was begging for the woman to heal him. She didn't see his lips moving, but the voice was in her head.

"Please Sakura, don't let me die! You have to help me! I love you! Help me!" Covering her ears, Sakura shut her eyes and broke down. She was kneeling now, feeling the cold earth under her skin. She knew that the person lying on the ground was seriously injured. She knew it.

"No." A faint whisper escaped her mouth.

"Sakura...Sakura!" She started to shake. And then, there was a muffled laugh behind her.

She turned, only to see the wolf transforming into a man. Suddenly, the man was standing in front of her, but she couldn't see his face.

"So Sakura. Look. I want you to see what you did to me." He was now behind Sakura, dragging on her hair, forcing her to watch the scene since the pain caused her to open her eyes wide in horror. She saw the girl getting up, abandoning the injured person who was begging her to stop and heal the injuries.

"No. No. No, no, nononooooo!" She screamed, when she saw who the person lying on the floor was. Kazuo. She started crying.

"Kazuo, noooo!" The man held her in place when she tried to run to him. Tears were now running down her face.

And then, the woman turned around and Sakura was able to see her face clearly.

Grinning evilly, she saw herself.

**"Noooooooo!"**

Sakura woke up screaming, tears staining her face, her breathing erratic and laboured, her body covered in cold sweat and pink tresses covering her face. It was still dark outside, but she knew that the sunrise was near. Looking to the clock on her bedside table, she saw her assumption affirmed.

_Every night the same nightmare. It's been two weeks since I'm out of hospital. When will this stop? I don't want to see this. I don't want... Dammit._

Sakura got up. Her top and panties she had slept in were wet with sweat. She went to the bathroom and washed her face with cold water. While she dried her face with a pink towel, which she hated from the bottom of her heart because of its colour, she looked into the mirror. Her skin was pale, her hair ragged, her eyes tired with big dark circles under them.

_Great. Now I don't just feel dead on the inside, now I look like it on the outside too._

She turned away from the mirror abruptly in disgust. She stripped, letting her clothes fall down where she stood, and got into the shower. Leaning against the wall with her hands, she let the hot water soak her skin. She washed her body and her hair with the shampoo she started to hate because of its scent. It reminded her of Kazuo saying how much he liked the scent on her. Then suddenly, she started to sob. She leaned against the wall with her back, then sliding down until she was leaning against it, crying silently.

_What have I done?_

After ten minutes, Sakura got up, turned off the water, took another one of the towels she hated and dried her body and her hair. She threw the towel to her clothes on the floor. She combed through her hair until there were no knots left and exited the bathroom. Her hair would dry on its own. It didn't matter to her anymore. She went to her cupboard and took out a black bra, black panties and her normal black mid-thigh pants, a black shirt and a black mid-thigh skirt.

_Black. Why do I like black suddenly so much? - "Because..." - Shut up! I don't want to hear a word from you. Stay down like you did the last year, understood?_

She put her clothes on. Then she stood there, not knowing what to do next. Her shoulders were hanging low, her head bent to the floor, her arms hanging numb at her sides. She stood there for 10 minutes without moving.

Then she heard a bird in front of her window and she came out of her apathy. She took her keys and left her apartment without a certain direction.

Later, she found herself standing in front of the cenotaph staring down at the numerous names carved into it. She had not been able to attend their burial and she was feeling guilty. She had let them down even during that situation.

Her vision was blurry when she came to the fresh carved names. Tracing the first one with her index finger.

Murata Ryo. Sakura saw his image before her, the perfect leader for the team. He had always been fair to everyone, knowing how far he could go with everyone, be it jokes, the amount of work everyone could handle or during a fight. She had lost a good friend with him.

Then she traced the second name.

Akamaki Taro. He had been the clown of the group. When Sakura joined the group in the first place one year ago, he was the one to welcome her without any prejudices and with a nice and warm smile.

Flashback:

"Wow. In the end, my prayers have been answered. We got a goddess as teammate." He said smiling, leaving her with red cheeks and the others in the group laughing.

End Flashback

He was the natural acting guy, never angry at anyone, always trying to comfort others.

Sakura was kneeling down in front of the stone. Her eyes full of emotions. Then, she traced the last one.

Ota Kazuo. Now she was leaning her forehead to the stone, tears running down her cheeks and her sobs echoing through the clearing, memories of him floating her mind.

Kazuo laughing with the others about Taro's jokes. Kazuo looking into her eyes with his deep blue eyes which seemed to understand everything that she did, said and felt. Kazuo protecting her from _that_ man before they even knew each other. Kazuo comforting her when she told him everything that she felt and what pained her inside. Kazuo leaning forward and kissing her the first time. Kazuo telling her that he loved her. Kazuo and her making love. Kazuo lying dead before her, covered in his and her blood.

_It should be my name engraved in that stone. Why? Why you? I want everything to be the way it was before. I don't want to feel that pain...!_

---------------------

Hatake Kakashi, Jounin, 34 and also known as the "Copy Ninja" Kakashi, walked down the street on his way to the cenotaph he visited more or less frequently early in the morning when he was not on a mission. As always, he had one of his perverted books out of the series "Icha icha Paradies" in one hand and the other one buried in the pocket of his trousers. He had a meeting with Tsunade in her office later to give her a report for his latest mission, but since everyone knew that he was always late, Shizune had told him to be there early in the morning so that he would be there by the time Tsunade wanted him to be.

He paid no special attention to his surroundings, he knew the way to the memorial stone by heart. It was early in the morning, but that gave him more time at the cenotaph and maybe he would have time to finish one of his reports he should have finished 3 days ago. Birds were chirping. But then, he heard another sound when he came close to the glade.

There was already a person at the memorial stone who had not noticed him and since Kakashi liked it to be alone with his own grief and thoughts, he was starting to turn around but stopped in his movements when he realized who the person was. Sakura. She had changed. Her body was slimmer than he remembered it to be. The clothes she wore looked big on her. Black clothes without the Haruno symbol. If he hadn't seen the pink hair, he would have never recognized her.

_That was to be expected. The death of your whole team can do that to you. Better leave her alone for now. Guess she wants to be alone. She doesn't even want to see Naruto and he doesn't want to see her. I wonder why though._

Kakashi turned around and went away, leaving the girl alone with her sorrow. Now, there was plenty of time to finish that report.

-----------------------

Tsunade was sitting in her chair, working on some reports when she heard the knock on the door.

"Come in!" She shouted without looking up.

"Hokage-sama."

"Kakashi. You are earlier than I expected. What happened? No old lady you had to help with something?" Tsunade asked, a thin smile on her lips. The smile was not reaching her eyes though. She leaned back in her chair, waiting for him to start talking.

"There was noone I could help even if I wanted to. You wanted to see me?" He asked with his normal emotionless tone.

"Oh yes. Sorry." She had looked out of the window, almost forgetting that he was there with her. She was clearly distracted.

"Give me your report about the mission. Anything out of the ordinary?"

"No. At least there was nothing out of the ordinary with the mission." He reported.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Well, Naruto was acting a bit strange. But maybe he is just worried about Sakura or something."

"I see. But I doubt that he is worried." She said with a sad undertone.

"Why do you say that? Is there something I should know about and I don't?" He asked curiously. "Cause anything that helps me to figure out why Naruto is acting strange and ignoring my commands would help me doing my job."

Tsunade sighed.

"You obviously don't know what is really going on. Well, I guess you had no time to hear everything since right after you came back from that solo mission I gave you I sent you on the mission together with Naruto." She stood up from her chair, going to the window and looking out of it.

"How much do you know about Sakura's team and why she asked to get reassigned?" She asked without facing him.

"I don't know much about her team. Murata Ryo was the leader. As far as I know he was a good Jounin, not exceptional, but fair and respected by other ninjas. I don't know anything beyond that. And why she wanted that reassignment I don't know either." He answered truthfully, staying calm. But he wasn't called a genius for nothing. There was more to this story.

_Tsunade know's more and she is trying to figure out how much I know and how much she might be able to tell me._

Tsunade sighed. She turned around, went to her chair and sat down, her elbows on the desk, her hands entwined and her head resting on her hands. Her eyes focused on the door. Kakashi was leaning against a wall, one of his feet bend.

"You know that Sakura was one of the medics I sent into battle when Takigakure attacked one year ago. She got separated from her team, was injured and was low on chakra, so she decided on going to the meeting point on her own without waiting for her teammates on her mission. On her way there however, she found another ninja who got himself separated from his group too. He was seriously injured. I think you know what comes next." Tsunade said without looking in Kakashi's direction.

"She had not enough chakra left to save him, right?" Kakashi answered without much enthusiasm, but he listened carefully.

_There has to be more than just that for her to ask to get reassigned._

"Yes. Sakura had used the last bit of her chakra in attempt to heal him, when a ninja from Waterfall appeared. Sakura was not able to fight him despite her being a Jounin now." Tsunade said, hesitating.

"What I will say next is highly confidential. If I ever find out that you told anyone about it, I will not hesitate to kill you, am I clear?" Tsunade asked with a harsh tone, her face serious with determination.

_Well, she is scary when she says something like that, but I guess she just wants to protect Sakura. Do I really want to hear what she will tell me next? Dammit. I don't think I want to know, but I doubt I have a choice here._

"Yes, of course, Hokage-sama." He answered, his attention now fully concentrated on her.

Tsunade sighed. She shifted uncomfortable in her chair, hesitating for a minute before continuing.

"He raped her." Tsunade said, barely audiable. But Kakashi heard it loud and clear and every little hint and situations where he couldn't point his finger on the problem suddenly made sense. Why Sakura shrugged away when someone was near her, **especially** men. Why she separated herself from her friends, being a shodow of herself. Kakashi clenched his teeth and his whole body tensed.

_Shit. Damn. Why Sakura? If that bastard is still alive I will kill him myself. I knew I wouldn't like to know._

"He attempted to rape her a second time, when the teammates of the ninja she wasn't able to save appeared. They killed that bastard and brought her to the meeting point, where she got treated."

"But that is not everything." Kakashi said in a low vioce, eager not to show his own anger.

"No it isn't. I think you can imagine now why she asked to get reassigned. One ninja of the team that saved her was somehow able to get her trust, he was the one to carry her back to the meeting point. I thought it would be a good idea to assign her to that team. And well, I was right. She made tremendous progress to get over this experience. But since Sakura is a very emotional person, I suspected that it would be harder for her. But I guessed that her team, since they knew, treated her exact the way she needed to be treated by them. But that was just one part. The other part was..." Tsunade hesitated again, taking in a deep breath before continuing.

"The other part was that she had a relationship with one of her teammates, Ota Kazuo." Tsunade finished.

"Shit." Kakashi muttered. "And Naruto found out, right? That's why he is angry and hurt. He thinks she betrayed him and Sasuke. And she somehow feels similar or at least knows that Naruto would think like that, otherwise she wouldn't have kept her relationship a secret." Kakashi stated.

"Yes. Correct. I don't know who knew first, but now nearly the entire village knows. But I promised Sakura that I would keep everything a secret, including the rape. So please, remember what I told you. Try to calm Naruto down. Sakura goes through enough right now. She doesn't need Naruto to dispute with her about that. In the end, she already does that with herself." There was no need for Tsunade to explain more. Kakashi understood, maybe a little too good.

_Naruto probably thinks in his twisted way that she wanted to be assigned to the group her crush was in and that she betrayed his friendship to him with that. And furthermore, he thinks she betrayed Sasuke. Damn. It's complicated enough without Naruto, but with him in the picture, there is no way we can get this over with without causing more pain._

On the outside, Kakashi was still as emotionless as always, but Tsunade knew that he tried to figure out a way to calm Naruto down until he would listen to reason, as far as that was possible if you have to deal with Uzumaki Naruto.

"I think it would be best if Naruto stayed away from Sakura for a while. Sakura wants to be alone anyway, but I don't know how long Naruto can keep his anger hidden and doesn't burst out and starts to attack Sakura. She is emotionally unstable and I don't know what Naruto's accusations could cause. You know how impulsive he can act and I don't want that to happen. I will send you on a training mission with him." Tsunade than said, her eyes now focused on the Jounin leaning on the wall.

"I know that there isn't much you could teach Naruto now, but I need some time to prepare Sakura to deal with him and the others. I think, two weeks would be a good time frame. As a matter of fact, the Kazekage asked for some assistance, so I will assign you and your team to it." Tsunade was observing him closely. She was able to see his eye that was not covered by his forehead protector. It was closed.

_Well, it is only natural for him to care. Sakura was his student._

"I understand. We will leave as soon as possible." Kakashi said, pushing his body away from the wall and leaving the room.

-----------------------

Sakura stayed at the cenotaph for two hours. She was tired. She had a headache. She stood up, her feet barely able to support her weight. She let her hand trace the names of her comrades one more time before leaving. She took the path back to her home. Her head was bend to the ground.

"**Sakura!**" She heard her name being called, but didn't react.

_Why bother to react. I just wanna go home. Leave me alone. I don't want to feel that pain. Why didn't I die? Why did they save me? _

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, preventing her from going away. She was forced to turn around by that hand. Now she saw directly in the angry face of Uzumaki Naruto. She winced and a short whining sound escaped her mouth.

"**Sakura**, you..." He started, breathing heavy.

"**Naruto!**" Kakashi appeared behind him. He removed Naruto's hand from Sakura's shoulder and stepped between them, keeping Naruto behind him and blocking his view.

"Sakura." Kakashi said quietly. Sakura looked up into his face, just to see the sympathy in his one visible eye. But what she saw was pity. She turned around and ran back home.

"Kakashi, let go of me. Sakuraaaa!!!" Naruto screamed.

"No, I will let go of you when you calm down. We have a mission, Naruto. Here, I already have your equipement. Let's go! And that was a command from your superior Jounin. Just because you are a Jounin now too does not mean that I will tolerate insubordination. Do not act on your own, am I clear?" He asked, anger audible in his voice and in his eye.

"Yes." Naruto continued to look into the direction Sakura went to, but followed Kakashi in the opposite direction, but Kakashi had to hiss Naruto's name twice.

_Get better Sakura. Maybe I can make Naruto understand without telling him everything. But I doubt it, so you will have to deal with him too. You have always been the person he listened to even when he pretended not to. And Sasuke was the other person, but he is not here. Damn. Why can't anything be easy?_

With that Kakashi and Naruto took off to the main gate, heading to Suna, both thinking about Sakura, but both in another way. Kakashi, knowing what Sakura went through thought about himself and his friends he had lost and Naruto thought about her with anger.

----------------------------------------

To prevent confusion: When Sakura thought about her clothes, she told her inner self to shut up.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, here's the next chapter. A long one. A really long one...Enjoy!

And before I forget it: If Sakura is the one thinking, then texts written like that _"Thoughts" _indicate that inner Sakura is saying something.

**3. Decisions**

Sakura ran back home like the devil himself was after her. Coming to a halt at the front door, she searched for her keys nervously, dropping it to the floor. It took her several attempts to pick them up and to open the door. When she was inside, she shut the door with one kick of her left foot. She stared at the room she was standing in.

_Naruto. I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you._

_"You never hurt him on purpose. And he can't blame you for breathing and being alive dammit! Understand that already! There is always someone who is not satisfied with you or the situation."_

_Oh just...leave me alone._

A faint feeling that she had to do something surfaced, that she had forgotten something, but as fast as it came, it subsided again. She went to her bedroom and went back to bed, sleeping without having a nightmare.

------------

Sakura woke up two hours later. Her headache was still there, but not as painful as before. She slid to the edge of the matress, her legs hanging down on the side.

On her bedside table, there were two photographs. The older one showing Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi and herself.

_Kakashi. The way he looked at me. With pity. He looked at me the same way shortly after Sasuke left. He probably thinks I haven't seen it back then, but I did. Hell, I never wanted to see that look again. Not after I achieved so much. Not after I grew stronger... Not after..._

_"Not after you were over _this_ incident. You wanted everyone to be proud. But now, he pities you again. And Naruto hates you." _

_Damn. I said shut up! Is that too much to ask for?_

_"No, it's not. But I am you, remember? I do what I want. Start acting like the Shinobi you are, dammit. You saw people you cared for die before. So what's different this time, hm?"_

_Shut up! I won't answer that._

Sakura shook her head to get rid of her inner self while she put down the picture next to her on the bed. Then, she took the other one, looking at it.

It showed Ryo with his stoic face, Taro with a big fat smile, Karuo standing behind her. She remembered, that the others joked about the two of them acting like a couple. They had parted, both blushed what caused the other two to laugh more.

_Now that I think about it, Ryo knew that we were a couple. He always knew what was going on around him. And Taro knew too. _

She sighed and took a deep breath to fight down the urge to vomit. Her head was throbbing from the headache again, sweat forming on her skin while she started to shiver and her heartbeat quickened.

_Panic attack. _Great_. Breath. Breath. I hate to be a medic. Breath. Okay, that should do it. _

_"I could help you, you know. I could get rid of the emotions you don't want to feel. I can help you to control yourself. Like I did when Ino took over your body during the Chuunin exams. I can help you now too. I can take away the pain and help you to become strong again. Just let me."_

_No. Stop already._

When the panic attack was over, she went to one of her shelves, opened the door and put the pictures down in it face down. She didn't want to see them in the near future and with the pictures, she locked away some of the emotions that were connected to them. She was about to close the door, when she saw a piece of paper, lying there, waiting for her, calling for her. She took it and went into the livingroom. She put it down on a small table. She would think about this later, but right now, she had to eat something, otherwise, she would starve. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten something.

_"You seem to get better."_

_Well yah. Leave me alone, dammit._

----------

Later that day, Sakura was sitting down on the floor, papers scattered all over the floor around her. She was tidying up her apartment and sorting the papers belonged to it too. There were letters from Kazuo.

_Love letters. It was so kitschy that I liked it in the end._ I always...

Sakura put an end to her thoughts immediately, before they went too far to be controlled. She needed to be in control. She put the letters and everything that could possibly remind her of her dead friends in a black box, which she shoved under her sofa.

_There. Everything is about control._

_"You could have more control if you worked together with me. How does that sound? I am able to help you to get rid of the pain. We would be able to be the strong Sakura, not the weak little Sakura we are now." _

Well...

She let go of that thought and went back to the papers and found her old scrolls from the academy with the shinobi clauses in it. She read through some until she came to one she, like few other, knew best.

The 25th clause of the ninja know-how:

A ninja must not show any emotion in any situation. A ninja must prioritize his mission first and must have a heart that allows him to not show any tears.

_"Yeah, we know that one well, don't we. And you know that it is true. Emotions get in the way."_

_No emotions._

_"Exactly."_

Then she remembered the piece of paper, lying on the small table. She took it and scanned over it once more.

_Well, why not now? Maybe that's what I need. And you are right. No emotions. It hurts less._

_"That's what I try to tell you the whole time. And we should try it."_

_You are right. But note that I made that decision on my own. I wanted to ask Tsunade about it anyway. I wanted this earlier. _We_ wanted it. But now, I will be the one._

Sakura folded the paper and put it away in one of the pockets in her skirt. She took her keys once more, leaving her apartment heading to Tsunade's office.

----------------

Tsunade was sitting at her desk, taking another sip of her drink. Shizune was getting careless with her search for alcohol.

_Well, after the last 3 weeks, no one can deny me my drink. Not even Shizune. No news either. Tche. That's a nightmare. Three dead ninjas, one left with the pieces of her life scattered on the floor._

She heard a knock on the door which caused her to let go of that thought. Immediately, she hid the cup and the bottle with the sake in one of the drawers in her desk.

_Can't I get a drink in silence? Dammit. If I am not allowed to gamble, than I have to drink sometimes! Arg._

"Come in!" Tsunade said. She was surprised to see Sakura coming in and closing the door behind her.

"Sakura."

"Tsunade-shishou." Sakura said, bowing her head a little. Tsunade observed Sakura carefully. She was still pale, her body thin, probably due to eating problems. But she was standing straight and looking her into the eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you anyway. I know that you don't want to hear this, but I think I owe to tell you. I am sorry, but we have no news about the group that attacked you or their origins. But we all do what we can to find out." Tsunade's voice was calm. She intended to inform Sakura about everything without telling her that there was nothing she could really tell her, because there simply was nothing to tell. Sakura stayed calm.

_No eye movements that indicate emotions. Not even a tiny little reaction. Odd._

"It's okay, Tsunade-sama. I am not here because of that."

_Even if there were any news, what would it help me now? _

"What? Then what are you here for?" Tsunade asked, her voice and face showing her surprise. She leaned back in her chair, eager to know what Sakura wanted.

"I want you to reassume my application for joining ANBU."

Tsunade was speechless.

_She wants to join ANBU - now? What is she thinking?_

"I know that this is a surprise for you, but you already know that I want to join ANBU. Kazuo and I already turned in our applications two months ago. And I know that after this incident you suspended my application for the time being, but I want you to let me go through with the tests now. I thought about it and I think now is the right time for that."

_Yeah. I can do it. No emotions._

_"You are doing great."_

"B-but Sakura, you..." Tsunade began but stopped when she saw that Sakura wanted to say more.

"I know that you think that this is going too fast, that I need time to grief. But I realized that this is what Kazuo and I wanted more than anything. I want to continue with this path."

Tsunade was still silent, observing Sakura for anything that would give away Sakura's real feelings. But there was nothing.

_She is serious about this. But..._

"I know that I will barely be able to convince you that I am okay. Therefore, I want to make a suggestion. Let Morino Ibiki perform the psychological test. You know better than anyone what he is able to do. And if I pass it should be a sign that I am okay."

Tsunade had attempted to say something, but again, she was speechless.

_She is really serious. To ask for him as her psychological examiner. That's crazy._

"Sakura, you don't know what you are saying. You just recovered from severe injuries and as far as I know you were not able to train since you came back from hospital. Please, think this over again." She pleaded. Yes, she was able to maintain the suspension of her application, but if Sakura requested to be allowed to take the tests and asked for Morino Ibiki as her psychological examiner in front of the council, the request would be granted. No one was able to hide something from him and everyone knew that.

_Damn. I guess I have no choice. If I say no now, that will give her maybe one or two days to think about it, but I assume that she will not change her mind. She has the same determination in her eyes she had when she asked me to accept her as my apprentice._

"I already considered everything. I want this, nothing else. Since I was promoted to Jounin I worked hard. Ryo knew that. He gave me a letter of recommendation not because he wanted to help a friend. He knew what I was capable of. He wanted a good Jounin to be able to be a member of ANBU." Sakura would not plead. There was no need for it.

Tsunade sighed in defeat, closing her eyes for a short moment. She opened them again.

"Very well. I will inform Ibiki about it. You will have your examination tomorrow, you will be informed about the exact time and place. It will depend on your performance during the psychological test if you are able to take the other tests."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Sakura said, a faint glimmer of excitement visible in her dark green eyes.

_I hope you know what you are doing Sakura. I really do._

----------------------

It was late afternoon and Sakura was walking home. Her eyes were focused on the street ahead of her.

_I did it. She agreed!_

_"Well, she had no choice."_

_Hn. _

"Sakura!" Sakura turned around. She already knew who the voice belonged to.

_Ino. Hinata._

"Sakura."

"Hey Ino, Hinata." Standing next to Yamanaka Ino was Hyuuga Hinata. She had lost her habit to stutter years ago, but was never able to tell Naruto about her feelings for him. Ino, Hinata, herself and Tenten were close friends since they were sixteen. At that time, they had some missions together and during these, they had a lot of fun. Ino and Tenten would talk about boys and the newest gossip, Hinata would blush about the things Ino and Tenten were talking about and Sakura just listened most of the time. Hinata surprised the others on the third mission. Sakura always knew that Hinata would stop stuttering if she had enough confidence in herself or enough trust to the person she was talking to. And obviously, she had enough trust in the three girls to talk to them, because suddenly, she participated in the chat Ino and Tenten had. Her voice was thin, but once Ino and Tenten were aware of Hinata trying to say something and they stopped, her voice got louder and finally, Hinata joked about Lee and his "youth"-issues without stuttering. All four of them laughed together and from that mission on they helped each other to train and -depending on the situation- laughed or cried together. But after Sakura was assigned to Ryo and his team and since all four of them were Jounins now, it was hard to find time to spend together.

_"You didn't want to see them after you were raped anyway. They still don't know why you suddenly backed away from your friendship and them. And I guess you want it to stay that way, don't you?"_

_Yeah. I was so ashamed. Me, the apprentice of one of the three legendary Sannin gets raped and has to be saved. Hmpf. And I was almost every time on a mission when Ino, Hinata or Tenten had time and when I had time, they were on missions. It was easy to avoid them..._

_Ino, Hinata, Tenten. I miss you guys so much._

_"Hey, think about it. It was and it will be easier without them and the emotions they wake inside of you. It was hard enough to play miss Sunshine the few times you met them on the street or on your way to Tsunade's office during the last year. And it will be much harder now that they know of Kazuo and the others. They will pity you like Kakashi."_

_Kakashi... I don't want them to pity me! There is no reason to pity me!_

"Hey, I am sorry. I would like to talk to you, but I have somewhere to be! See you around!" With that, Sakura took off. She disappeared in a whirlwind of pink Sakura blossoms, which continued to fall to the ground even after Sakura was gone.

"Sakura, wait!" Ino shouted, but Sakura had already disappeared.

"Really, what's wrong with her? She comes back one year ago and she starts to avoid us like we had some kind of disease and every time she sees us she runs away. Tshe." Ino whined.

"I don't know, Ino. She seemed ... troubled." Hinata answered after thinking for a moment.

"Well, she lost her team. How would you feel if you lost Shino and Kiba at the same time?" Ino asked back in her usual loud voice.

"No, I don't mean that. She seemed ... distracted. Her eyes were different. They were darker than usual and her body language was different too, but I don't know how to interpret it. Something is wrong with her beyond that." Hinata answered in her thoughtful way.

"Yeah, now that you point it out. But it seems that she doesn't want us to help her. And she was always stubborn. I guess we have to give her more time to grief. After Asuma died, I didn't want to see anyone for some time. It has to be the same for her too. And well, she loved Kazuo. I can't imagine what she feels right now. I don't want to think about it. It makes me sick. Damn. Is it already that late? I have to go home. I have a mission tomorrow and I have to get up at 4 am." The last sentences were full of regret.

"I have one too. It's a guarding mission. I don't know how long it will take. And I won't be able to talk to Tenten. What about you?"

"I have no time either. As far as I know Tenten has a mission with Lee and Neji. Really, I don't know how she manages to stand Lee and his "youth" talks." Ino said with a little smile on her lips, but as soon as she remembered Sakura it faded. She looked to Hinata. Ino had learned to interpret Hinata's facial expressions over the years, and her white eyes were full of concern and sadness.

_This troubles Hinata. Sakura was always a good friend for her too. I still think that it was Sakura with her calm behaviour around Hinata and the friendly smiles she gave her who made Hinata talk to us and trust us. Sakura, you have no idea what you are doing to her. And me. Damn. If there wasn't that mission I would go and talk to you now. Well, I will do that after the mission. That's the time I give you to mourn over your dead comrades and lover, but after that, we need to have a talk. A serious one. One you hopefully end up opening to me._

"Don't worry. Sooner or later, she will come back to her senses." With that, Ino hugged Hinata briefly and took off home. Hinata remained there for a few minutes before she took off in the direction of the Hyuuga compound.

_Sakura, please find back to your normal self. I could really need you and your advice. Just one of the little talks we had back then. I miss that. You helped me to sort out some things between my father and me but now... Well, you have more serious troubles than me right now..._

------------

Morino Ibiki, leader of the ANBU torture and interrogation squad, walked down one of the long corridors of the Hokagetower. He had been informed by Tsunade that she wanted him to do the psychological examination on one of the ANBU candidates. He had been surprised when he got the file with the information about the candidate.

_Haruno Sakura. She was one of the genins who helped my brother. And she was one of the examinees during the chuunin exam. She was one of the loud ones. _

He chuckled about that thought for a moment before he went serious again. He walked to the door that lead to the room where the examination would take place. He knew that she was already in there. Before he entered the room, he took a moment and concentrated. He had to get rid of any emotions. In a few minutes, he would cause the girl pain. Not physical pain but emotional. This examination would show if Sakura was able to get rid of unwanted emotions during a mission and if she was able to go through with a mission at any costs. Was she able to carry out assassination missions? Was she suitable for missions with the high probability to die? How did she react to high emotional stress? He would find out.

He entered the room without knocking. The room was not furnished except for the chair Sakura was sitting on. There were no windows. The only source of light were some candles that were placed on candlesticks on the walls.

"Well, Sakura, let's begin."

The next four hours, Ibiki tortured her with pictures of her childhood, the situation of being raped, with the pictures of her dead friends and with pictures of her remaining friends being tortured and killed in front of her. He exposed her to the situation of being tortured for information but she didn't break down. He observed her the whole time closely. After he was finished, he used a jutsu to let her forget what he made her go through. She would not be able to remember anything.

"Sakura. We are through. You can go now." He said with his stoic face. Sakura nodded, got up and walked out of the room.

Ibiki went to Tsunade's office and knocked at the door. Shizune opened the door, asked him to come in and exited the room.

Tsunade, as always, was sitting behind her desk, looking at him.

"And?" She asked with a harsh voice.

"She did well. Considering what I made her go through with the information you provided me with and what she experienced during the last years, she behaved remarkable well. She was able to control her emotions like few others. She had some small problems but when I take everything together, she did better than most members of ANBU would have in the situations I made her go through." He reported with his normal calm voice.

"And there were no signs of emotional instability? She lost her whole team three weeks ago and you tell me that there was nothing unusual. If there is anything I need to know."

"There was nothing that would indicate anything unusual. She showed some emotions when I showed her the pictures of her teammates dying and when I showed her some other pictures but there were no behavioral specialities."

"Well then. I will inform her that she will be allowed to take the other tests." She said with resignation.

"You don't want her to be promoted to ANBU?" He asked, curious.

"I just want to prevent that she makes a wrong decision." She said soundlessly while he was turning around and walked to the door.

_I really hope I do the right thing._

----------

_Damn. What did he do? Everything hurts._

_"He showed us some really nasty pictures and made us go through everything horrible in our life again. Even I don't want to think about it."_

_Just stop. I don't want to remember, okay?_

_"Yeah. Just calm down."_

Sakura was already on her way home when she heard Shizune call her name. She turned around and saw Shizune walking in her directions. She stopped right in front of her. Even from the distance Sakura was able to see Shizune's eyes. They were full of emotions.

_And pity. I can't stand to see that look in someones eyes anymore, dammit._

On the outside, she was calm and she smiled at Shizune a thin smile that did not reach her eyes.

"Yes?" Shizune began talking, but she didn't made eye contact with Sakura.

_Damn. Everyone acts around me like an idiot._

"Tsunade wants you to know that you are allowed to take the physical tests. Come to the office at 8 am tomorrow and I will give you the information you need. Congratulations, Sakura." She said with a reassuring smile, but Sakura was able to extinct between real and fake smiles thanks to Sai and Shizune's smile was a fake and a bad one at the same time.

"Thanks. I will see you tomorrow then."

-----------------

Sakura woke up. Her heartbeat was quicker than normal, her forehead and her hair was sweaty.

_Hey. Thanks for getting rid of that dream. I don't need to remember that while I have my tests today._

_"No problem. Anytime."_

_Damn. It's early. I could go to the cenota..._

_"No, don't. Remember, no emotions."_

_Yeah, sorry._

Sakura suppressed that thought, got up, went to the bathroom, showered, washed her hair and brushed her teeth. She took her time and was ready the time she had to. Her outfit was the same one she wore yesterday, but today, she took her pouches and her black gloves with her.

_I bet I will need them. Let's kick some ass._

_"I will help you. If you have any problems, I will be there."_

_Yep. I know. Thanks._

Sakura left her apartment and headed straight to the Hokagetower. She arrived the office just in time. Shizune was already waiting for her.

"Ah, Sakura. Good timing. You have your equipment I see. Well, that saves us time. Follow me please." Shizune said with a calm voice.

_She still doesn't look into my eyes._

Sakura followed Shizune to a building not far away from the Hokagetower. While they walked through the building and various corridors, Sakura saw some people walking around, all of them clad in the typical ANBU uniform. She had no time to look for details.

"This is the headquarter for ANBU members. You will be tested here in several disciplines. Ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu. Depending on your examiner, you will have to do some other physical tests. You will be informed about your results afterwards." Shizune said with her businesslike voice. This was a situation she was used to and she felt comfortable in.

Shizune lead her to a room that looked pretty much like the one she had her preliminary exam during her first chuunin exam in. A man, clad in ANBU uniform and a hawk like mask was waiting in the middle of the room.

Shizune saw Sakura's gaze travel to the ANBU member.

"He will be the one to test your abilities. He will give you instructions and you will be the one to follow them." Shizune said, pointing to the man while Sakura reached into her pouch on her hip and took out her gloves and but them on.

"I will leave you alone now. Good luck, Sakura." Shizune said while she turned towards the door and walked out of the room.

"We will start with some basic moves. I will charge at you and you will block. Just block or evade my attacks, but do not attack me." The man said and charged at Sakura. Her tests had started.

------------

Tsunade was watching Sakura and the ANBU member for three hours now. She was leaning against the railing, her body tense and her gaze concentrated on Sakura's every move.

"She is good. You taught her well Hokage-sama." Tsunade tilted her head to her left side. Yamato was standing at her side, his view on Sakura.

"I am not sure who taught her that. Her genjutsu is as excellent as always, her ninjutsu has improved dramatically and her taijutsu is good too. Her stamina improved too. But somehow, she is different but I can't pinpoint what exactly." Tsunade said, her gaze now on Sakura again.

"Extreme circumstances such as loosing friends do change the behaviour of people. And that statement matches Sakura perfectly." Yamato leaned against the railing. "She was good when I was her teamleader and she showed remarkable talent. Maybe the time is not the best one for her to join ANBU, but I think if that is what she really wants you should give her the opportunity to do so."

"Hn." Was everything Tsunade said.

_She is really good. She made major improvements. Ryo did not exaggerate in his letter of recommendation. _

"The other examiners seem to agree that she is good." He stated while looking around. There were two other examiners in the room and he could see that they were satisfied with what they saw.

-------------

One hour later, Sakura was sitting in one of the numerous rooms inside the headquarter. There was a desk, a chair in front of it, some scrolls on one shelf and a little sofa standing at the wall opposite to the window. Her gaze was on a little table beneath her and she was sitting on the sofa. The examination ended 20 minutes ago and another ANBU member guided her into this room and left her alone. She felt drained.

_How long was I in there? Damn that was tough. But with you, it was easier._

_"Well thanks. It was nice with you too."_

_I hate waiting. Is this another one of their tests?_

_"It could be. Just stay calm and show no reactions of impatience."_

Sakura closed her dark green eyes. If this was another test, she would pass it too. She concentrated on nothing special and started to control her breathing rhythm, she heard her heartbeat and sometimes quiet steps outside on the corridor. She relaxed her body.

Two hours later, 3 ANBU members entered the room. One of the men went to the wall with the window and leaned against it, one of the men sat down behind the desk and the only female sat down on the sofa. Their masks were gone. Sakura stood up and went to the desk. The one who tested her -at least Sakura thought that it was the one who tested her- was the first one to speak.

"You did well. After a short meeting with Tsunade and the other examiners and taking everything important into consideration, we decided to welcome you as an ANBU member. I will be your teamleader and the other two will be your teammates." His voice was calm and stoic like his face. Sakura observed the other two but she wasn't able to see any reactions. Before she was able to say something, he continued to speak.

_Straight to the point. I like that._

"This is unusual, but we will have our first mission in 8 days. It will take us one month and it will be a training mission for you and us. Afterwards we will get further instructions, but I think we would be the best team for a longterm mission that will take us about a year. Suzume over there " he pointed to the female ANBU on the sofa. "will explain everything to you. I have to leave now. I am sorry that I have to make it quick, but I have some preparations to do." He stood up, nodded in the direction of his teammates and left the room. The female ninja stood up and went over to Sakura.

"So, you are our new teammate, hm." She asked in the direction of her remaining teammate. "Haruno Sakura. Nice name." She smiled in her direction. "Let's go. I will show you everything and Daisuke over there" She pointed to the male ninja "can help Hideaki with his preparations." He understood her. She wanted to be alone with the young woman.

The group exited the room, Sakura and Suzume walking in one direction, Daisuke in the other one.

-------------------------

Kakashi was setting up a fire. Naruto protested when he said that they would camp for the night. But when he looked into Kakashi's one visible eye, he agreed. There was no need for more angry words between them. Naruto leaned against a tree, watching Kakashi. They were on their way back to Konoha. The last two weeks were a disaster and the happiness of seeing Gaara again was clouded by the strained relationship between Kakashi and himself.

"Why did you interfere?" Naruto asked suddenly into the heavy silence, underlying anger in his voice.

Kakashi let his view travel to Naruto. His arms were folded in front of his chest and he was staring into the fire. He hesitated a moment before he began to speak.

"Why I interfered? Did you see Sakura's eyes?" Kakashi asked holding back his own anger. When Kakashi saw Naruto's dumbfounded gaze, he continued to speak.

"You are not just angry with Sakura but with yourself too. You are angry because Sakura started living again, started to get a life that was not dictated by the thought of bringing Sasuke back. She was able to find new friends and a new love. Something that Sasuke is and certainly will not be able to give her since he is not here and I don't think he will come back on his own. You are angry that she was able to let go where you could not. For the first time she is superior to you." Kakashi's voice was more sad than angry now.

"You are angry because you were not able to keep your promise to bring him back and now, she doesn't care for that anymore. You are afraid that Sasuke was the only bond between you two..." Here, he made a little pause to take a deep breath. "but you are wrong. She needed you as a friend, but you were just the idiot you were always towards her. She did not tell you that she fell in love with someone else because she was afraid to hurt you. She was afraid that you would reject her and her friendship..."

"And hell, she was right. Have you seen her face, the look in her eyes? The fear and the sorrow?" He asked, stunned about his own feelings. He let his right hand travel through his already unruly silver hair, messing it up more.

_Why didn't I see the sings. Maybe she was not my teammate for one year, but I considered her and Naruto as close as family as non family members could be. Damn._

Naruto seemed to think about what Kakashi had said. His blue eyes were sad.

_He is right. I never wanted to hurt her, but I did._

---------------------

Sakura was standing near the main gate on the wall that surrounded Konoha looking over it with deep dark emotionless green eyes. She was clad in her black boots and the typical ANBU uniform. A ninjato was strapped to her back and on her left shoulder, the typical black tatoo adorned her white skin. Her face was covered by a cat shaped ANBU mask. The black pattern on it was Sakura's own creation and for that, her personality and her behavior towards them, Suzume and Daisuke gave her the codename Meian - light and darkness.

A light breeze blew her pink coloured hair around her face, her arms were folded in front of her body and a little bag lying on the floor. She was waiting for her new team.

"Hey Meian!" Suzume called her new name and she took the bag and jumped down to the ground. She nodded to the others in acknowledgement of their presence. Then, they took off heading to the forest that surrounded Konoha and vanished in it.

------------------

While Kakashi and Naruto were heading back home both thinking about their failure of being friends for Sakura, she was on her way to her first ANBU mission.

No one knew that she had learned to bury her feelings and emotions deep inside herself, forgetting about the pain she would cause her friends with that. She was balancing on the edge of a deep dark hole that threatened to swallow her. But it was just a matter of time till it would. And once inside, she would not be the Sakura everyone knew and liked. She would be emotionless and cold, not just on the outside but also on the inside. She would forget what it felt like to have friends and being loved. And the transformation had already started with the help of her inner self. She wasn't able to remember the feeling of emotional pain and other feelings would follow soon. Her emotions would be locked up inside her, guarded by her inner self. No one would be able to reach them. No one. Sakura made sure of that.

It was just a matter of time.

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I hope you like the chapter. Please tell me how you liked it which means more reviews please! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

So here is the next chapter. It's a short one, yet it is imortant.

**4. One life can influence others**

Naruto was sitting on the roof of one of the higher buildings when he saw Hinata, Ino and Tenten walking down the street passing the shops. His head and shoulders were hanging low. Less than one and a half year ago, Sakura would have been with them. But now, she was on a longterm mission and with that, he had no chance to talk to her and apologise for his behaviour. He had asked Tsunade when Sakura was supposed to be back, but she herself didn't know.

_Or maybe she doesn't want to tell me. I guess I deserve that. Maybe it was my fault that she asked for that mission. And if it was..._

Naruto's thoughts were interrupted by a rumbling noise and he searched frantically for its source. It took him a minute to realise that it was his stomach. He calmed down a little and stayed there for some minutes before he got up and jumped down to the ground. He walked spiritlessly to Ichiraku's.

_After I had some ramen, I will go train. Maybe I will stop thinking about Sakura and what I did to her._

---------------

"Hey look! There's Naruto!" Tenten pointed out to Hinata with a smirk on her face. Hinata followed Tenten's hand and looked up.

"He seems to be sad." Hinata said with her normal but quiet voice. She didn't look too happy herself.

"He thinks about Sakura." Ino commented.

_And so do we. I should have talked to her that day. __Maybe she would still be here if I did. __Maybe she went on that mission because she thought that nobody cared about her._

"It is not your fault, Ino. Even if you had talked to her that day, she would have taken that mission no matter what you told her." Hinata said while looking to Tenten for help. But Tenten herself was absorbed in thoughts. Ino saw the look Hinata gave Tenten.

"Hey Tenten. When is Neji coming back home?" Ino asked while waggling with her right hand in front of Tenten's face to get her attention. Tenten's head snapped back a little and looked to Ino.

"I don't know. He said it could take a while." Tenten answered depressed. Her brown eyes were looking into the distance.

_He's gone for two weeks already. I miss him. I..._

But then she remembered that she was not alone and faced the two other girls and smiled to Hinata.

"Maybe you should ask Naruto out, Hinata. That would keep both of you from thinking about Sakura all the time." Tenten said with a teasing voice. Hinata started blushing, but didn't say anything about that. Just then, Tenten realised that her comment wasn't as funny as it sounded at first. It was like suggesting to forget about Sakura, move on with your normal life as if nothing happened. Nobody talked. All three were silent, looking to the floor before Tenten started talking hasty again.

"Damn. I totally forgot that I had an appointment with Lee. He wanted me to train with him. He wants to get better with weapons. I don't know how, but I will try. Well see you later!" She said, while turning and running down the street leaving Ino and Hinata back dumbfounded.

"She thinks she is guilty too. I saw it in her eyes." Ino said with a quiet voice.

"How can you tell?" Hinata asked curious but quiet as well.

"I guess it is a result from my mind-control jutsus, I don't know how it works, but I can tell about the feelings of people by just looking into their eyes. Tenten's eyes are a lighter shade of brown when she thinks about Neji, even when she is worried about him like now. But if she thinks about Sakura, her eyes get dark and somehow...empty. It's the same about you, you know?" Ino asked and smiled to Hinata. But Hinata knew that it was a fake one. Hinata herself was not that bad at understanding the emotions of others and knew that Ino was thinking about Sakura too.

"We all miss her, you know that. But there was no way to tell what she was going to do." Hinata tried to comfort her. Then suddenly, Ino hugged Hinata for a short moment. When they parted, Ino smiled a real smile but her eyes were still sad.

"Tenten is right. You should ask Naruto out. He will never ask you on his own. Maybe we should trick him into asking you... Right now, we can't do anything for Sakura, but maybe we can when she comes back. But we will need strength to do that. And how can we be strong when we are sad and distracted?" Ino said while laying her right arm around Hinata's shoulders, guiding her down the street.

_But we both know that we will think about Sakura nonetheless. How could we not? All three of us feel guilty. Tenten, because she is the older one. She probably thinks she should have seen it coming. But how could she? We all did nothing because we didn't know how to deal with her. The same goes for Naruto. Hinata could need Sakura's advice now. She knows Naruto best. Or maybe she used to. Damn. She was my best friend till we started to argue about Sasuke. Hm. After we both realised that he would not come back we became friends again. And I let her down when she needed me most. I hope she is okay._

------------

Kakashi was walking down the street from his apartment to the training areas. As usual, he read his book. Well, not really reading it, because he was staring at the same page for ten minutes now. He saw Naruto sitting on one of the roofs musing about something. That something was Sakura for sure. The last time he talked to Tsunade, there were no news about Sakura's attackers. And he had a feeling that there would be none in the near future. But there were other things that needed paying attention to. Sure, they had defeated some members of Akatsuki during the last years and for now, the organisation was inactive again, but there were still members left who could cause trouble. Uchiha Itachi was still alive and Kakashi doubted that he would give up. He was sure that they were collecting new members and strength to strike more deadly than they had in the past. Sasuke was still alive too and Kakashi was not sure what Sasuke would do if he ever met Naruto again. The last time they had met, they nearly killed each other. Naruto still had to watch his back but right now, he would not be able to defend himself if he needed to.

_He is depressed. Another member of his family left him. And he thinks he caused it._ But...

He was interrupted by a person rushing past him. It was Tenten and he was able to see a glimpse of tears in her eyes.

_Obviously, Naruto is not the only one who thinks he is guilty somehow and is depressed. Sakura was close to them before she backed away. I remember her laughing with them, being as happy as she could be at that time. Sakura. Maybe I should have told Naruto that fear was not the only thing I saw in Sakura's eyes that day. There was disgust and ... well, hate. For herself. Not for Naruto or me. But I don't think that it would help him. To know that certainly doesn't help me. Maybe I should have talked to her...Tsunade doesn't know anything about her too. She said that the leader of her team came back for instructions without the rest of the team, but had no time to report about anything. I guess I will... _

"Kakashi-san!" He heared his name being called and turned. Shizune was approaching him.

"Tsunade-sama wants to see you. I think she has a mission for you." Shizune told him and left.

_Well, I guess I will have to put that thoughts about Sakura aside for some time._

With that he went to Tsunade's office. But he continued to think about Sakura like everyone else. They were worried about her and trying to stop thinking about her would not work because all felt that they were somehow responsible for the way Sakura acted at the end.

---------------------

"Kakashi." Tsunade said.

"Hokage-sama. Do you have any news about Sakura?" He asked. Tsunade shook her head.

"No, I don't. And right now, you should focus on your new mission." She said.

_I am sorry Kakashi, but Sakura asked me not to reveal that she is a member of ANBU now. And I don't think knowing it would make it easier for anyone._

"It's s-ranked." She continued.

_Here we go. She really knows how to make me happy and focused on my work._

Joking around in his head sarcastically, he listened while Tsunade was explaining the details of his mission. He really needed to focus to come back alive out of that one.

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So, how do you like this chapter? I hope that I will be able to update soon, but I have some personal problems to figure out and I don't have that much time to write. However, I will update, just wait and see! Oh yeah, reviews please!

Oh and sorry for spelling mistakes. I mix up british and american english a lot since there was no need for distinguishing between them during school, so if you find any mistakes, sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

Well, here is the next chapter. I kind of locked myself in my room after I red some of the reviews. Thanks! I have not solved my personal issues, but I wrote this chapter instead. Read and enjoy! Oh, please review!

**5. Coming back**

13 months after Sakura left Konoha

Naruto dodged a series of kunai directed at him and branched backwards. He fought for 10 minutes now, but he was not able to get near his opponent and there was no chance that he would get help from Kakashi since he had to fight against two ninjas on his own. The ninja Naruto was fighting against was using wide range attacks and Naruto's style of close combat was a disadvantage for him. He was not able to get close enough to make a hit. The enemy was using exploding tags attached to his kunai, shuriken and tripwire, smoke bombs and his wide range ninjutsu. The tripwire was poisoned and sharp. Naruto had to avoid to get a scratch from it since the opponent linked trunks with the wire in heights with a high probability to injure Naruto if he was carelessly following his opponent to his traps.

Suddenly, Naruto had to evade a shuriken flying straight for him with a jump to his right side because he saw that there was a wire on his left. But when he was at a handstand position, he saw the gleam of another wire at the spot he was about to land on. He reacted fast and jumped forwards instead of backwards. It seemed that his opponent anticipated his move and threw two kunai to the location he would land on. But Naruto directed some chakra to his palms and was able to push himself away from the ground at the last moment. He landed on a low hanging branch of a near tree.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!" Naruto mumbled, his hands forming a seal and ten Narutoclones appeared around him. But instantly, two of them disappeared with a poof and a cloud of smoke which faded after some seconds. Caused by hits of kunai, three more clones disappeared. The remaining clones moved straight forward in attempt to surround the ninja who was standing there in the open on the ground. But they disappeared one after another. All of them were hit by a wire.

_Damn. What do I do? I can't evade him forever, but I can't get..._

"Shit." He yelled when an exploding tag exploded right behind him and he was flying off the branch to the ground. He was in a crouching position when he saw shuriken and kunai coming towards him which he would not be able to dodge in time. He prepared for the pain the impact of the kunai and shuriken would cause, but there was none. Instead, he heard the sound of metal hitting metal. A shadow was covering him and black petals fell down on him. He lifted his head up to see someone standing in front of him, kunai and shuriken scattered in a semicircle around him on the ground. The next instant, the person rushed onward with incredible speed to the other ninja who seemed to be paralyzed since he did not move. Naruto heard a pained shriek ending abruptly before he heard the muffled sound of a body falling down to the ground but he wasn't able to see anything because the body of his rescuer was blocking his view. He stood up and approached the person.

It was a woman. Her right knee was bend, the left unflexed. Her balance point was on her right foot that stood in front of her left, forming a straight line. Her upper body was straight and in line with her feet. Her right arm was outstretched and in her right hand was a ninjato, the tip of its blade bloody. Her whole body was tensed. Then she stood up from her position and sheathed her ninjato. Kanji were engraved on the black sheath.

Strength. Power. Success. Duty. Honor.

She turned in his direction, the body of his opponent lying on the floor with a pierced heart. She wore the typical ANBU uniform and her face was hidden behind a cat-shaped mask. The upper part of her mask was black, the lower one white. Black and white were separated from each other in a sickle shaped pattern. Long straight black hair that reached to the middle of her back was framing her face, long strands covering parts of her mask in the blowing wind. Naruto was not able to see her eyes, but he did not recognize her or the chakra surrounding her. He knew some ANBU members, but of course just a small number and he was sure that he never met her. The whole time, she was standing there, looking into his direction but she made no attempt to talk to him.

She had never really relaxed her body and when she heard leaves rustling nearby, she tensed up and her head shot in the direction the noise came from. She relaxed again when three other ANBU and Kakashi appeared above their heads, each of the two male ANBU carrying a lifeless body over his shoulder.

"Is everything alright?" One of the males carrying a body asked, looking into the direction of the black-haired female.

"Yeah." The woman answered. One of the ANBU broke away from the group and approached the female when Naruto realized that the ANBU was a woman too. The male ANBU jumped to the ground and laid down the bodies in the grass.

"You have a gash on your arm. You were not fast enough to block the attack, hm? Well, then it was real close." She said while she lay a hand on the other woman's wound and a green light emitted from her palms. While she healed the wound, Kakashi went to Naruto.

"Are you okay?" He asked and scanned Naruto for possible injuries.

"Yeah, she kind of helped me. She blocked some kunai for me." Naruto answered and pointed to the black-haired woman.

"Her teammates helped me to finish off my opponents quicker. We will take their bodies with us. Maybe we can find out something about them and why they attacked us. One of them is still alive. Maybe Ibiki is able to find something out." Kakashi told Naruto, nodding his head in the direction where 3 bodies lay, two of them bloody and obviously dead, the other one was unconscious with his hands and feet tied up with weird looking wires, but Naruto didn't want to ask what it was.

Naruto looked around to see the woman with black hair walking to one of the males. Naruto presumed that he was the leader, since he gave some orders to the others. He came over to Kakashi and Naruto.

"Kakashi-san, we will have to remove the poisoned wires one of my teammates informed me about. My team will take care of that and it won't take long. Is your teammate injured? My medic could take a look." He asked Kakashi. Kakashi was just shaking his head to indicate that Naruto was okay.

Naruto was watching while the ANBU removed the wires.

_That was close. If those kunai were poisoned too, then..._

"The kunai were not poisoned. But those wires...I have never seen or read about someone using them like that before. And he was fast." Naruto heard the conversation between the two female ANBU. The one speaking was the woman who helped him. Her voice was muffled and deep through the mask but he could hear that there was no emotion in it.

The ANBU gathered in the middle of the small clearing, talking quietly with one another. The two women and one of the males nodded in the direction of the leader, indicating that everything was clear.

"We are ready to leave." The leader informed Kakashi.

"Stay at the last position. I don't want another surprise." The leader addressed the medic. "We others will take them back to Konoha." He said, nodding to the bodies on the floor.

Kakashi was turning, heading for Konoha, Naruto following him. The group of ANBU was following them, each of the two males carrying one body, the black-haired woman carrying another and the other one following as last.

While they were jumping from branch to branch, Naruto was trying to start a conversation with Kakashi.

"Who do you think they were? They were pretty strong." Naruto told. But Kakashi just shook his head, showing that he had no interest to talk. But after a moment, he answered when he saw slight disappointment in Naruto's eyes.

"I don't know who they were. But we will have to report that to Tsunade."

When they arrived at the maingate of Konoha, Kakashi stopped and faced the ANBU leader.

"We will deliver them to the headquarter, but we will join you in the conversation with Tsunade." The leader said, taking off into the direction of the ANBU headquarter, the other three following him.

------------------

Tsunade sat in her chair, listening eagerly to Kakashi's report with a stoic face when a knock interrupted them.

"Come on in." Tsunade said louder. The door opened and three of the four ANBU entered the room. They stopped behind Kakashi and Naruto who were standing right in front of Tsunade's desk.

"You can take off your masks. I think you know each other." Tsunade said, looking to Kakashi and the leader while all the ANBU removed their masks after the leader nodded in their direction.

"Yes we do, Hokage-sama." Kakashi answered after he turned around, nodding to the leader.

"Kakashi." The leader nodded back and noticed that one member of his team was missing.

"Where is..." He started to ask, but was interrupted by the woman with the medical skills.

"She will be here any minute." She said, while the door opened once more and the woman with the black and white mask entered the room. The other ANBU made place for her. When she saw that the others had removed their masks, she did the same. She removed her mask and shook her long black hair out. Her closed eyes opened to reveal black orbs with few dark green jots in it, showing no sign of emotion.

Tsunade was busy thinking over the things Kakashi had told her that she didn't notice the additional person in her office at first. But when she heard the sharp sound of people holding their breath, she looked up. And together with Naruto, a name escaped her mouth, hardly audible. Kakashi just stared in shock, but the name of the person was whispered inaudible behind his own mask that covered the lower half of his face.

"Sakura."

--------------------

"Sakura." Tsunade repeated after a moment of silence. Naruto's blue eyes looked in Sakura's direction and were wide open in shock to see Sakura. Kakashi's visible eye was narrowed.

"Hokage-sama." Sakura said with a little nod of her head, the expression on her face staying stoic, showing no traces of emotions. Her eyes were locked with Tsunade's. Everybody was quiet, they were hardly breathing. One minute later, Tsunade broke the eye contact by looking to Hideaki.

"Kakashi already told me what happened. You brought the bodies and the unconscious one to the headquarter for further investigation?" She asked, her voice shaking lightly.

"Yes Hokage-sama, we did. I met Ibiki on the way and he will take care of everything." Hideaki answered. He was still a little confused about the behaviour of Sakura and the Hokage before.

"Very well, Hideaki. I want your report about the mission on my desk by tomorrow. Yours too, Kakashi." Tsunade said, her voice almost normal now.

"You are dismissed." She said, but she called Hideaki back. "Hideaki, I want to have a word with you. Kakashi, please wait outside." She ordered with her normal authoritative voice.

Sakura made a quick seal and disappeared in a whirlwind of black sakurablossoms after Tsunade had dismissed them. Naruto ran out of the office, trying to catch up with Sakura. Suzume had a quizzical expression and looked to Daisuke who gave a shrug of his shoulders, indicating that he didn't know what was going on too. He turned and left the office, waiting for Suzume at the door. Kakashi was following them out of the office room, his hands in the pockets of his trousers, seemingly relaxed. After they had left and the door was closed, Tsunade started talking again, Hideaki standing now directly in front of her desk like Kakashi and Naruto before.

"I want a short report about your last mission now." She ordered.

"We were able to locate the wanted ninja. We had some problems locating and tracking them. It took us about a month. We killed them three days ago. Our allies verified their identity after we brought back the bodies. Daisuke and Meian, ah, sorry, Sakura, had minor injuries from the fight, but Suzume healed all of them. After we stayed in the village for two additional days, we headed back to Konoha. We camped the night near a village before we moved on to Konoha this morning. On the way, we heard the sound of a fight nearby. We went to investigate when I saw that Kakashi was fighting two unknown ninja. When I approached him, he informed me that his teammate could need help. I sent Sakura. We finished the fight quickly. It was unavoidable to kill one of them, but I was able to paralyze the other one and trap him in a genjutsu. After that, we followed Sakura, but she herself had already killed the third. She had a gash on her arm, but Suzume healed it. But I guess Kakashi already told you about all that." Hideaki closed.

"Yes. Good work. Our ally has already reported back about the success of your mission." She answered. She stayed silent for a moment, obviously thinking about something. Hideaki knew Tsunade well enough to know that she was going to say more.

"She still doesn't use her medical jutsus, does she?" She asked after a moment. Hideaki knew who she referred to.

"Yes. She still refuses to use them. She hasn't changed since we last talked." Hideaki answered, a serious expression on his face.

"I was surprised that she came back with you and the group. Why did she come back with you this time?"

"I ordered her to. Besides, I thought that the others could need a short break at home, both of them. Sakura agreed. But I think it has more to do with the fact that I made clear to her that she would not stay anywhere on her own, waiting for my return with new orders from you. Your instructions are that no ninja is allowed to do a mission on his or her own or stays alone without any support until further notice. The same goes for members of ANBU. After I told her this addition to the rules, she came back with us." Hideaki explained.

"It's good that you are here. I have new orders for you and your team, but I will reassign Sakura to Kakashi's team."

"I already expected that. And I fear, Sakura did so too. I never exaggerated in my reports so you should have an idea of how she acts and thinks like." Hideaki told her. Both sighed.

"Yes I have. Now, I have to explain that to Kakashi. You are dismissed. Send Kakashi back in on your way out. Shizune will talk to you about your next mission." She added, leaning back in her chair, spinning it till she was able to look outside. She heard Hideaki leaving the room.

_The whole time he reported back to me about Sakura's condition, but I never assumed that it was really_ that _bad. I hoped that her refusal of using her medical skills to heal would be temporary. And she still seems to not care if she gets injured or not. Damn. I have to do something but I am not sure that what I am going to do really helps her or if it will get worse. Maybe talking to Kakashi will help me getting a better idea of everything. _

She turned around in her chair again, just to see Kakashi standing before her desk, reading one of his perverted books.

_Some things seem to change never, no matter what happens._

"Kakashi." She addressed the jounin.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." He raised his head, put his book into a pouch on his back and looked straight into her eyes, waiting for Tsunade to speak.

"I will reassign Sakura to your team. But I fear that I will have to explain some things." Tsunade said, her eyes darker than normal, her face had traces of pain on it.

"Yes, I think you do." Was everything Kakashi answered before he listened to her explanations, his own mind tortured by the things Tsunade told him about Sakura's condition. It was worse than he had expected her condition to be. Much worse.

--------------------

Sakura appeared at the front door of the hokagetower in her whirlwind of black blossoms surrounding her. She closed her eyes and raised her head towards the sun and took a deep breath. It was late afternoon. Around her, people went after their businesses. People working in the shops, people shopping, talking. Kids running around in groups or alone since school was over. She exhaled, opened her eyes and started with a leisurely pace the way to her apartment. She would go grocery shopping on her way.

"Sakuraaa-chan!" She heard his loud voice and his fast steps behind her. She stopped but she didn't turn around. The person came to a halt a few steps behind her.

"Sakura-chan." His voice was quiet now. Confusion and a slight trace of sadness was visible on his face. She stood there unmoving for some moments before she turned around. The sun was behind her and her black hair was reflecting the rays of the sun. Her eyes seemed darker than in Tsunade's office. She looked him straight in the eyes and he had the feeling to drown in the dark orbs. Barely noticeable, he jumped back.

"Now we are back to you calling me Sakura-chan." She said. Her voice was deep. Naruto stayed silent for a moment.

"I wanted to than..." He started, but was interrupted by Sakura's cold voice.

"If you want to thank me for helping you, don't. It was an order to help you and I carried it out."

"Yes, but I wanted to apologi..." Naruto started again, but was interrupted by her again.

"Don't, Naruto. Keep your apologies for those who want them. I certainly don't want it." She said, her cold eyes never leaving his.

"Sakura-chan." Naruto whispered, his blue eyes pleading for her to stop being so cold.

"Is there anything you want to tell me, Naruto? I have some things to do and no time for standing around, doing nothing."

"Eh, I..." Naruto started. Sakura waited for some seconds before she turned around and walked away without saying anything.

"Sasuke is back." Naruto blurted out.

Sakura stopped but didn't turn around. Naruto followed Sakura. When he was a few feet behind her, her head snapped suddenly in his direction, looking into his eyes. It caused him to stop immediately.

"I already know that. Why do you think I care?" She asked coldly.

"How do you..." Naruto asked confused.

"Know that he is back? I was one of the jounin and ANBU who brought him back." She answered nonchalantly.

"But...he is back! Sasuke is back for nearly 10 months now. You wanted him to come back as bad as I wanted. Why are you so cold? Why don't you care?" Naruto asked back deeply hurt by Sakura's behaviour.

"Let me ask you one question, Naruto. Why do you think I should care?" Sakura asked.

"Because he was our friend and teammate. He still is. We tried to bring him back together for years. Does all that mean nothing to you?" He asked loudly, hurt audible in his voice.

"No, it doesn't mean anything to me. Not anymore. I had plenty of time to think about everything when I was gone." She paused. "You still see Sasuke as your friend? After everything he did to you? He tried to kill you at least twice. He tried to kill you because he was jealous, furious and he envied you for the things you achieved. He tried to kill you out of wounded pride, because he could not stand the thought that someone like you was better than him. He joined Orochimaru and took the easy way to achieve power and strength for his revenge. Every time we encountered him, we tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening to one word we said. And even you should have realized by now that he was not forced to stay with Orochimaru. Uchiha Itachi is not dead and I don't think that Sasuke gave up on his revenge. Do you think he will stay here in Konoha as long as his brother lives and breathes? Do you really trust him? Do you still try to save him from himself? After everything that he has done?" Sakura asked, her voice had a trace of anger and hate in it.

"He changed. Slowly, but he did. And yes, I am still trying to save him. Because he is precious to me. And so are you." Naruto yelled, trying to make Sakura understand desperately. She stood there, unemotional, cold, her body unmoving. After a few moments, she started talking again.

"I changed too, Naruto. I am not the weak pathetic little Sakura you knew. Maybe you are able to save Sasuke, but I don't have any strength or willpower left for that. I simply don't care for him anymore. Or for you." She said. Naruto grew silent, backing away some feet in shock.

"Maybe you are able to forget that he tried to kill you, but I can't. I was there. The day on the roof of the hospital? Do you remember? I do. You were trying to kill each other. And both of you would have killed me if Kakashi hadn't stopped you in time. After Kakashi comforted me, told me that everything would be okay, that everything would be the way it was before, you came to me. You said: Sakura-chan, don't interfere. You have no idea what this sentence did to me. Not only your friendship with Sasuke got a crack at that day, but ours too. I ignored it over the years since we both had the goal of bringing Sasuke back and I thought that maybe our friendship was stronger. But I don't want to ignore it anymore. Your rivalry with Sasuke was more important than my life, was more important than my feelings of trust and friendship. I found happiness for some time, but instead of being happy for me, you thought I betrayed you. And Sasuke. But he was not there. No, he left me on a bench after he knocked me unconscious. " Sakura said.

"I know and I am sorry for thinking..." Naruto wanted to say more, but was interrupted by Sakura.

"There is no need for that. I don't need anything from you or from Sasuke. All that is of no importance to me. Just stay away from me. There is no friendship anymore, Naruto. Just accept it because I already have." She said with her cold voice, turning around and walking away, leaving Naruto alone. He was too shocked to say anything. He was staring after her in disbelief.

_Sakura-chan. Why?_

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"Sakura has not just changed on the outside, but also on the inside. I will give you a short summary of Hideaki's reports to read. I will inform Sakura about the reassignment today. She will join you tomorrow. Maybe it would be a good idea to be on time." Tsunade finished.

"I see." Kakashi answered after the long talk he had with Tsunade. He turned and walked out of her office, reading the short summary. Certain facts attracted his eye.

_Not able to feel emotions except hate and anger in certain situations. Kills without mercy or pity. Uses her medical knowledge to hurt but not to heal. The success of the mission is everything that matters to her. Doesn't care if she gets hurt - no tendencies to suicide, but tendencies to take unnecessary risks. Doesn't try to socialize with others unless they are teammates or part of the mission. High analyzing abilities. Tends to be rude, uses genjutsu to evade conversations or topics she doesn't want to talk about, luckily she doesn't use it on teammates or her superiors. She uses strong genjutsu for interrogation purposes. _

Kakashi stopped reading when he left the building. He saw Naruto standing in the middle of the street, looking into the opposite direction. Kakashi approached him from behind.

"Naruto." Kakashi called Naruto's name but did not get an answer. He stepped in front of Naruto, blocking his view. He lay his hands on Naruto's shoulders, leaning down a little that his mask covered face was on the same level as Naruto's. Just then, Naruto looked up into his eyes and Kakashi stood up straight again.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked, but he had an idea what happened.

"Sakura-chan, I..." Naruto answered, but stopped, the shock still visible.

"Naruto, come on. I want to talk to you. About Sakura." Kakashi told Naruto and turned into the direction of the training grounds. He observed Naruto from the side. His blue eyes were wide open in shock, his facial futures showed pain, his body was tensed. His hands were clenched to fists.

When Kakashi was at a quiet location, he sat down cross-legged and told Naruto to do the same.

"Have you ever asked Sakura how she was able to force Ino to leave her body during your first chuunin exam?" Kakashi started. He had his hands in the pockets of his trousers, his back leaning against the trunk of a tree.

"Yeah I did. But I never really understood it." Naruto said, his voice full of sorrow.

"Sakura has some kind of second mind. You could think of it as a second personality, but not in the schizophrenic way. I think that this is one of many reasons why she is such an excellent genjutsu user and why she is able to detect genjutsu." Kakashi started his explanation. Naruto nodded his head slightly to show that he understood and to indicate that Kakashi could continue.

"Tsunade thinks that after the death of her teammates this 'inner Sakura' helped her to cope with some of the pain. It's not unusual for people who lost someone important to want to be alone, even trying to severe family ties and friendships. It's not unusual either for the person to go through a phase where he or she does not show any emotions. In rare cases this phase takes years. It seems that Sakura's inner self helped her to get rid of the pain and Sakura noticed that it was easier to live without the pain. Tsunade also assumes that Sakura noticed during the first two months that she was with ANBU that it was easier to be a shinobi without any emotions at all. Tsunade and I presume that Sakura used her inner self to get rid of all emotions which caused her to change her appearance too. That would mean that she locked all emotions away she thinks are not necessary for her being a kunoichi." Kakashi continued with his normal voice.

"She said that she doesn't want me or Sasuke to be near her. She said that there is no friendship between us anymore." Naruto said quiet, his voice low and sad.

"Did you know that she was like that? She said she was one of the shinobi who brought Sasuke back. Did you meet her back then?" Naruto asked.

"She was there? Damn. No, I didn't know. I helped to track him, but not to fight him. And no, I didn't know that her condition was that bad, Naruto." Kakashi said, his visible eye showing rare sadness.

"I have to tell you something else and I am not sure if you will like it." Kakashi paused for a brief second.

"Sakura was reassigned to our team." Kakashi said. He looked to Naruto with worry since he could not evaluate how Naruto would react.

"To our team? Are we able to help her in any way?" Naruto asked after a moment.

"I don't know yet. Tsunade is working on it and she has some ideas, but nothing that is worth trying right now. The only thing I know for certain: Don't try to enrage her or something. I don't want her to get worse or to hurt you or Sasuke because I think that she is capable to do it." Naruto nodded.

"Yes, Kakashi." Naruto made an attempt to stand up, but Kakashi stopped him.

"Please tell Hinata-san about it. Maybe she has an idea. Even if she doesn't, I want her to be prepared for Sakura's behavior." Kakashi was smiling a little about the change on Naruto's face which showed happiness and sadness at the same time. For two months now, Naruto and Hinata were officially a couple. But the worry about Sakura was like a dark shadow hanging over their relationship. And Hinata would take it hard to hear about Sakura since she had problems with her father about the relationship with Naruto. Hinata had hoped that Sakura would be able to help her after Sakura's return, but obviously Sakura would not help her.

"I will tell her. I will see you tomorrow." Naruto stood up after Kakashi nodded into his direction and took off to the Hyuuga compound to talk to Hinata. Kakashi stayed where he was.

_Now, I will have to talk to Sasuke. Hopefully, he won't react too drastic. We made some progress, but I don't want Sakura to destroy it again with her behavior. Why, Sakura? Why don't you see what you do to your friends? ... And to me?_

Kakashi closed his eyes and let the light breeze cool his skin.

_Where did that last thought come from?_

He opened his eyes and stood up. He sighed. Now, he had to do the hard part. He had to tell Sasuke that Sakura would join their team again. And that she would not be the same Sakura he knew.

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Well, end of that chapter. How do you like it? And yeah, sorry for spelling and grammatical mistakes.


	6. Chapter 6

So, new chapter. Read and enjoy!

6. The surprise nobody wanted

Sakura's eyes shot open, her breathing heavy and her heartbeat faster than normal. She sat up in bed, inhaling the cold air in her room deeply while she closed her eyes again. Her muscles were still tensed and she consciously relaxed them. Her breathing and her heartbeat went back to the ordinary pace. She opened her eyes again.

_A nightmare. But I don't remember any of it. I didn't have a nightmare for a while. Thanks for getting rid of the memory of it for me._

_"Any time _you_ want me to help you I will."_

She turned her head till she was able to see the clock on her bedside table. It was 5 am in the morning. It was normal for her to wake up at a time like that for about one year now. She was not the big sleeper anyway. She got up and went to the bathroom barefoot. She stripped and got into the shower. She turned the hot water on and let the water soak her cold skin, warming it. She washed her hair with the new shampoo she had brought yesterday. After she was finished, she stepped out of the shower and took one of the two new black towels down from the towel rail and wrapped it around herself. With the second, she dried her black hair. She combed through it and brushed her teeth. With the towel still draped around her body, she went to the locker with some of the new brought clothes in it. She took out a new tank top, a mesh shirt to wear under it, her underwear, short pants and a skirt with slits up to her hip on the right and left side. All her clothes were black. She put everything on. She saw some bandages lying around in a drawer and decided to put them on too. She bandaged her right thigh like she did when she was 15 down to her knee. Then she bandaged her right arm from the wrist to her elbow and did the same with her left. She took her weapon pouches out too and attached them to her hip and thigh. She would tie her ninjato to her back later.

When she was finished changing, she turned away from her locker to see her forehead protector with the black band lying on the table in front of her sofa. She went to the table, but did not take the forehead protector. She stared at it and the symbol on it for minutes. On her missions for the past year, she was used to either wear the ANBU mask or no sign of her home village at all. It was strange to put it on today. Alongside was a slip of paper. A messenger send by Tsunade gave it to her yesterday evening. On it was an order from Tsunade:

**You have been reassigned to Team Kakashi. You will meet with him and your teammates tomorrow at 7 am on the bridge over the river near the training grounds.**

She knew that Tsunade would reassign her to Kakashi's team consisting of Sasuke, Naruto and himself once she was back from the very beginning. That was one reason why she stayed away from Konoha for so long after she helped to bring Sasuke back. The other one was ... well, she forgot about it. And she wouldn't try to remember.

She left her forehead protector there, not touching it. She went to her kitchen area, made some tea and drank it without letting it cool down much. She nearly burned her tongue, but she didn't care. Then she sat down on the little kitchen table and ate some of the things she brought yesterday. She stood up, put the dishes in the sink and went back to her small living room and the table. She took the forehead protector, tracing the symbol on it with the tip of her right index finger. She sighed. She went to the mirror in her bedroom and put the forehead protector on in the style she had when she was younger. Black silky strands were falling down the sides of her face. Some of the longer ones would cover her eyes if she looked down. She sighed again when she saw herself in the mirror. She looked away from her image in the mirror quickly. There was no reason to look at your image in a mirror if you didn't even liked it. She could see the clock in the mirror, showing that it was 6 am. She left the room, took her ninjato and tied it to her back, she took her black gloves and her keys from a little table near the front door, put on her black boots and exited her apartment, heading to the training grounds. In the end, she would have 30 minutes left when she arrived there for some light training before she would walk to the meeting place.

----------------------

It would be a nice day, the sun already working its way through the thin clouds concealing the blue of the sky. Birds were chirping and flying around, the wind blowing lightly through the leaves of the trees.

Sakura approached the bridge in a slow pace, walking down the path from the training grounds to the bridge, her eyes focused on the two figures already waiting on it and leaning side by side against the low railing. Naruto had his arms folded in front of his chest, his head bowed. Sasuke had his hands in the pockets of his pants, staring straight ahead. She let her gaze travel to Naruto who wore his normal orange and black suit, similar to the one he wore since he came back from his training with Jiraiya 6 years ago. As she neared the bridge she was able to see Sasuke. His face was hidden behind long bangs of his raven black hair. His hairstyle hadn't changed since she saw him the last time. He wore a dark blue shirt and black pants and his chokuto was tied to his hip with black strings. She wasn't able to see the symbol on his forehead protector but she was able to see that he wore a black one in the same style he had before he left Konoha.

She kept walking noiselessly to them, coming to a halt at the opposite railing. She turned her head slowly and her body following. When she faced Naruto and Sasuke, she leaned against the railing on 'her' side of the bridge, folding her arms before her chest. She knew that they were aware of her presence, but she didn't expect them to react to it. Her head was bowed like Naruto's. Out of a whim, she looked up, her gaze landed on the river behind them, before her eyes roamed to the right and her head moved with them. Her gaze landed on cold black eyes much like her own. Neither of them moved. They stared into each others eyes. Naruto had lifted his head, his blue eyes staring coldly at her. After several minutes, Sakura diverted her attention from Sasuke's eyes by bowing her head a little and closing her eyes, both of them knowing that it wasn't a sign of respect for him. All three stayed silent, the tension between them almost unbearable. The only thing that moved around them was the blowing wind.

It was 7 o'clock sharp. They could feel the additional person on Sakura's right side. It was Kakashi, appearing out of nowhere with a poof of smoke. They still didn't move. After some moments of silence, nobody looking into Kakashi's direction, Sakura opened her dark eyes and she lifted her head a little. A small sardonic grin appeared on her face. She was the first one to speak. Her voice was cold, except for the mocking in her voice when she said the last two words.

"You don't want us to take the bell test together as a team, do you?" When she said that, she looked into Sasuke's eyes for some moments, before she turned her head to look into Kakashi's eye. For some moments, she forgot that they weren't alone. He was the one to break their eye contact for the same reason she did before. He looked to Sasuke first, then to Naruto.

"No Sakura, why should I? Maybe you would be able to get the bell if you worked as a team but right now, I don't need a test to know that you would not be able to get the bells from me. All of you." He said airily. He knew that he would provoke her and he wanted to see her reaction. He could feel that both Naruto and Sasuke were curious too. Her grin disappeared and for a second, her eyes showed light anger, but it vanished as fast as it came and her eyes went back to the cold stare. There was no reply from her, showing that she knew what he was up to. She would not give him the satisfaction to let him know that he could make her angry.

"Naruto, Sasuke. I want the both of you do some light taijutsu training. I want to see what Sakura can do." Kakashi commanded. Sakura was still leaning against the railing cold and calm as before.

"You actually trust them to train together and not kill each other?" Sakura couldn't hold back the malicious question, but she didn't look up. She already knew that Kakashi would be angry. She wanted to pay him back.

"Not that I care, but I won't heal anyone no matter how severe the injuries are." Now she looked up, but not in a certain direction. Kakashi stayed where he was. He didn't move a muscle.

"Naruto, Sasuke. Move!" He said calmly. He didn't look into their direction and he waited till the two of them took off before he started to talk to her. He walked to her, turned and stopped right in front of her. Now her eyes were looking at his green vest.

"Let's get straight with something Sakura. I am aware that the arrangements made are not to your liking, but you will have to deal with it. You are a shinobi, you are a member of ANBU and I expect you to behave like one. You are a part of my team again, and as that you will follow my orders. I will not force you to use your medical skills since I know that you won't use them if I ordered you to. I know that you don't use them to heal yourself, so why would you heal others? But I will not ignore you treating Sasuke like that. He made mistakes, big ones, he probably will make mistakes in the future again, but right now he is trying damn hard to show us that he is able to change himself. He already did change. Maybe you don't see that. In the end you were not here while I was and saw what he did to proof to us that he isn't the same Sasuke who was with Orochimaru and led a group of rogue ninja. And I won't let you destroy that with things you do or say. Am I clear?" He asked quietly, but anger was audible in his voice. She was continuing to stare at his vest and made no attempt to give him an answer.

"Sakura?" He asked again after one minute of waiting, his voice still calm. But she knew him long enough to hear the slight impatience. She lifted her head so she was able to look into his eye. He shrugged a little mentally when he looked her straight into her eyes. Dead eyes. He would never tell her, but right now, she was competing with Sasuke concerning their behaviour. And their look into the eyes. And she was winning easily. Her look in the eyes was darker and colder than Sasuke's was when he was brought back. He was better now, otherwise Tsunade would have never let him walk around in the village freely. Tsunade and Morino Ibiki had constantly evaluated his behaviour and psychological status until they considered him stable enough to get out of detention. Tsunade figured out during his psychological examinations that deep inside he wished to return to Konoha after he had failed to defeat his brother twice due to the fact that he had always been injured. And now he was on the same team with Sakura, the woman who helped to bring him back. Kakashi wasn't sure how much she did to help since he had had no time to ask Tsunade, but he was sure that Sasuke knew that she had been there. And now they were forced to work together as a team. And he was not sure how stable _Sakura_ was.

"I will follow your orders, but don't expect me to be nice and friendly to them...Or to take orders from them, because I won't. I will do my share of the work on missions we might or might not get, but don't expect me to be the one holding back or step back to serve as backup. If Sasuke or Naruto have a problem with me being stronger than they are used to know that's not _my_ problem. I don't care about them. All I care for is the mission. I will do whatever it takes to finish it, but I won't do more. You know best that we all did have our own little problems to deal with. Therefore, I won't cuddle Sasuke just because he had some problems 'cause I think he would not do it for me, would he?" Sakura answered after moments of silence. Her voice nearly caused Kakashi to shiver. It was colder than ice and her eyes were dark orbs you could drown in if you looked long enough into them. Kakashi kept looking into her eyes for one minute, before he answered.

"Then let's get started with a little training session. I want to know what you can do." He nodded his head to the treeline near them on the waterside, indicating where they would start their training.

After half an hour of taijutsu training, Sakura and Kakashi were training near the cenotaph. Kakashi saw her glancing into its direction for a few times out of the corner of her eyes. He decided to try something. He gave up his fighting stance, showing Sakura that they would stop with the training. He didn't say a word and without looking into her direction, he approached the cenotaph, his hands in his pockets. He stopped in front of it, looking at the names on it.

Sakura followed him after some moments when she realized that he would not continue their training in the near future. She stopped aside from him. Her gaze was not on the names, but after one or two minutes, her gaze traveled over the names. She stopped at the names she knew. And Kakashi saw it.

"You haven't been her for over a year, right?" He asked her, his own voice without any trace of emotion. He remembered the day he saw her hunched up in front of it like it was yesterday. The pain, the sorrow, the sobs. He could still hear her crying inside his head.

She answered after another minute of silence.

"That's right. But I don't remember what happened that day. They-" She nodded her head into the direction of the names. "- were important, but not that important that I should remember them. I had some memories of them, but they were fading. Now there is nothing left. I don't feel anything when I look at their names." Kakashi had guessed that she would say something like that. She was indeed suppressing her memories and her emotions with it. That was her way of controlling her feelings and emotions. And there maybe was a way to force her to remember. Kakashi turned and walked back to the spot they had trained before. He would talk to Tsunade about what he found out. Sakura followed him and both took up the fighting stance again. After some moments of tensed silence, they started the hand to hand combat training again.

-------------------------

Kakashi and Sakura had trained for three hours straight when they got the message to come to Tsunade's office. They fetched up Sasuke and Naruto who had trained both on their own and arrived at the hokagetower minutes later.

As always, the Hokage was sitting behind her desk in her chair. The four of them were standing in front of the desk. Sakura was on the left, a little separated from Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke on the right. Kakashi was standing a little behind the three others. Tsunade had her thinking pose with her head focused on a scroll on her desk.

"I have a mission for you." Sakura's, Naruto's and Sasuke's heads shot up a little with hearing that. Tsunade had lifted her head up after she said it. Her face showed that she wasn't too happy with the next things she had to say.

"But before I start, I want to make sure that all of you know what is on stake here." When she said that, she looked from Sasuke to Naruto and to Sakura, leaving Kakashi out of it.

"Ever since the fights with Takigakure we had to strengthen our defences. All of you know that. I received information from various sources that there is something going on in the hidden, but we don't know yet what it is. All of you know that Sai and some others are patrolling at the northern border. He reported back that we have movement there which could indicate new confrontations ahead but for now, we can't be sure. And there are more things that could cause serious problems. We had three attacks and killings of Jounin during the past month working alone without backup in villages of allies. That's why there is the new rule about nobody working alone anymore 'cause I just can't afford to loose valuable Konoha ninja." Her eyes looked serious and so was her voice.

"Right now, I need every ninja available, including you three. I don't care how you do it, but I expect you to work together for the sake of our village. We still have to carry out missions despite our delicate security situation. And right now, I have a mission for you because every team that could execute this mission is already on a mission or will remain here as guards or on hold. So pull yourself together and carry this mission out. I hope you understand what I am saying." Again, she looked into the direction of the three younger ones. Naruto gave a little nod, Sakura and Sasuke looked her straight in the eyes. She took that as a 'yes'.

"You will guard a feudal lord. He has been threatened by unknown ninja and has asked for our help. I have already two Jounin there, but I have to order them back. You will receive further information about everything from them. You will leave in two hours. That should give you enough time to get ready. Naruto, Sasuke. You are dismissed. Kakashi, please wait outside till I call you in again. I have to talk with Sakura first." Tsunade payed no attention to them, but looked into Sakura's eyes.

"Of course, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi said, walking out the door. He leaned against the wall just outside Tsunade's office and took one of is books out and started to read. But as a matter of fact, he watched Sasuke walking down the floor. When he was gone, he directed his attention to Naruto who was standing in front of him, his hands in his pockets and watching into the direction Sasuke had disappeared.

"What's wrong, Naruto?"

"Do you think we can do this mission like that? Sakura will not talk to us, I am pretty sure of that and Sasuke is angry. I can feel it. Sakura doubting him being able to control himself made him mad. And it made me mad too. She doesn't know him anymore. So how dare she judging him?" He asked, anger present in his voice.

"Well, I am sure that Tsunade is talking to her about that right now. She watched us this morning. Sakura didn't notice. She is angry and she has hate inside of her. But whatever Sakura is, she is not a traitor. She would never betray her teammates or her village. I know that for a fact. She will do everything to finish this mission. I am sure that she will even work with the two of you." Kakashi said to Naruto. But he noticed that there was something else that bothered Naruto.

"But it's not only Sakura you are concerned about, is it?" Naruto looked away, his eyes distant.

"It's about Hinata. Her father is angry at her because of me. I guess he realized that we are serious with our relationship. He started to ignore her. I don't...She is stronger than ever now, but I don't know if she can take more of his silent accusations than she already has. Tenten is on a mission and as far as I know Ino is too. Right now, there is no one who she can talk to. When I told her how Sakura is, she got that look on her face. The one she had back when we were genin. The sad one. I don't want to see her like that. And I won't be there to talk to her for maybe another two weeks, if not longer, depending on where we will be going." Naruto's eyes were a mix of anger and sorrow.

"She will be okay. Go, say goodbye to her. Talk to her. She understands more than you think, Naruto. She is a shinobi too and a good one I might say. Go." Kakashi had one of his rare smiles on his face behind the mask, but Naruto knew that he was smiling from the shape of his visible eye. He nodded, a little smile on his face too and vanished at the end of the floor.

---------------------

Tsunade was staring at Sakura for minutes now, the room completely silent except for the little squeaking noises of Tsunade's old chair.

"I want to be honest with you, Sakura. I observed you and the others this morning. And what I saw -" She looked into Sakura's eyes now "-made me angry. Don't you think that I am able to judge if Sasuke still was a psychopathic maniac and capable of killing Naruto or anyone else? I know whom I can trust, Sakura." Tsunade's gaze was furious. And Sakura got the message. She had doubted her judgement and Tsunade herself with her statement. And you never told Tsunade that she was wrong with something unless you were Shizune. Sakura didn't answer. And Tsunade didn't expect her to.

"When you and the others brought him back I honestly never thought that we would get this far. The times I talked to him made me realize how pained inside he really was. Much like you." At this comment, Sakura's head shot up, anger and hate visible in her eyes.

"Never ever compare me with him. I never tried to kill my teammates or friends or left them lying unconscious on a bench and I certainly will not betray my village like he did." Sakura burst out, her gaze furious, her body tense and her whole body language telling her to shut the hell up.

"Calm down Sakura. I never have and I never will compare the two of you with each other. Because you are different. I am aware of that fact. I ment that you felt pain he felt and still feels too. And I trust him now like I trust you." Tsunade said, her gaze calm now. The next thing she told Sakura made her stare in absolut surprise.

"I want him to participate in the chuunin exam in 2 months. I am proud of what he was able to achieve during the time he was here. Ten months to be exact. And he has changed, Sakura. Maybe he has still some problems with his social behaviour, I don't think he will change that in the near future, but he is a Konoha shinobi again. I just want you to understand that there is no reason for you to accuse him of not being able to control himself or that he will kill anyone. Because he won't." Tsunade emphasised her last words, Sakura still staring at her with visible surprise. But she only stayed like that for half a minute, before her expression turned to her emotionless one.

"I understand." Sakura said, her voice calm, but there was no trace of servility in it.

"Then you are dismissed." Tsunade said and Sakura turned around without saying anything, opened the door and stepped out of it. She looked into Kakashi's direction, but she stayed silent. But he saw something in her eyes. Faint, but it was there. Disbelief. She turned around and walked into the opposite direction while Kakashi walked into Tsunade's office again.

"What did you tell her?" Kakashi asked, a little surprised himself.

"I told her that I want Sasuke to participate in the chuunin exam." Tsunade was in her thinking pose again. "And it surprised her that much that she actually showed that she was surprised." She looked up to Kakashi at this. "She has not lost her ability to feel... I guess she was too surprised to control it. For a moment, she showed her emotions this morning too. It seems that during intense emotional and stressful situations she is not able to control her emotions effectively."

"Maybe we can weaken her defense and control of her feelings by exposing her to emotional situations or remind her of certain memories we know she avoids because of the emotions in it. We make her face that she still has feelings and emotions." Kakashi continued her thought.

"We already did weaken her defence. Hideaki told me that she showed anger more often after he told her that she would have to return to Konoha. We already weakened her defence by forcing her to stay in Konoha and working with you on the team she always had deep emotions for."

"And the sudden mission is a part of your plan too I assume." Kakashi carried on.

"Sakura knows the feudal lord and his family. They were a part of her first ANBU mission shortly after she left. They have a little daughter. Her team saved the little girl when she was kidnapped by some rogue ninja. Hideaki told me that she showed some emotions towards the girl and the other way around so I thought that if she saw her again it might trigger some memories. That's why I assigned this mission to you." Tsunade explained.

"I found out that she really is suppressing her memories like we discussed before. Therefore, it's a nice plan. And I will have to deal with everything. I have a team that would rather beat the crap out of each other than do this mission. Sasuke, well, he is pretty much the same as always. Naruto is angry at Sakura and sad because Hinata's father doesn't want her to have a relationship with him, which is certainly not his business but I remember him being stubborn and narrow minded when it comes to the Hyuuga clan. So in addition to Sasuke I have a distracted Naruto and a medic nin who doesn't use her medical abilities unless she can harm someone with it and who has a tendency to self-destructive behaviour in order to finish a mission. Great. Consider the mission finished by tomorrow." Kakashi said sarcastically.

"What rank does the mission have?" He asked, serious once again.

"It's an A-rank mission. And if I thought you couldn't handle it I wouldn't have given it to you, you know that." Tsunade looked at him questionably. He had that thinking face of his when he was up to something.

Kakashi was looking back at her.

"I don't know what it is. There is something, but I can't point my finger on it. All the attacks were kind of...wrong." He said. But shook his head to show her that he would not talk about it anymore.

"I am working on it. I have Yamato and some other ANBU looking into several possibilities. You have a mission. Here is the information you will need." She handed him a scroll. "And I will look for something Hinata is able to do, preferably far away from the Hyuuga compound and maybe I find something that will take long enough until Tenten, Ino, Neji or Naruto are back. Just tell him. That might take some of the worry away from his mind." Tsunade added.

"Thanks. I will tell him." Kakashi turned and walked out of the door. This would be a long and horrible mission. And he was right in the middle of it.

---------------

So, end of chapter. Hope you liked it. Please review if you liked it and if you don't, you can review too, but give me a reason why you don't like it and what I can do to make it better. Oh, and I apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes. ;) I usually write at night and that's the time when you start making mistakes.

I will be busy over the weekend and I have work to do the next week, so in the end I won't have that much time to write but I still hope to update during next week.


	7. Chapter 7

Sooo...here's the next chapter. Read and enjoy.

I sometimes use the japanese words for certain terms and for all of you who don't know the english meaning of the following words:

-Jinchuuriki are those people who host the tailed beasts like Naruto's demon fox Kyuubi, there are (or better were) nine of them

-baka means idiot

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7. Let's get started with the mission

Kakashi arrived at the main gate exactly two hours after Tsunade gave them their mission. He had decided that there was no point in being late and was therefore on time. Everyone else was already there too. Sakura was leaning against the wall near the gate, Naruto and Sasuke standing separate from her in a circle. Naruto and Sakura had their arms folded in front of their chests. Sasuke had his hands in the pockets of his trousers. All three of them had backpacks on their backs. When Kakashi approached, neither of them moved or acknowledged his presence due to the fact that they were lost in thought. Kakashi waited. Naruto was the first one to look up. Sasuke turned his head to face Kakashi before Sakura looked into his eyes. All stared with cold eyes into his. He sighed mentally.

"Now that I have your attention... It is not likely that we will be attacked, but I don't want to risk anything. Don't let your guard down." With that, he took off, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke following him.

--------------------------

Hours later, Kakashi suddenly stopped on a branch in a crouching position, the others stopping behind him.

"We will camp here." Kakashi ordered. The others stayed silent and Kakashi turned around a little. Normally, Naruto would start to complain that he was still able to go on now. But he just nodded, jumped to the ground like the others and took off his backpack, leaning it against the trunk Kakashi was still crouching on. They were on a cliff, the edge 15 meters away from their current position. Sakura walked to the edge and looked down. The ground beneath was 27 meters away. She turned around and looked to Kakashi, her eyes had a questioning look in it. If they had stopped too late, they could have been seriously injured if they had jumped down without the knowledge of being on a cliff. Kakashi just shrugged his shoulders. Sakura shook her head. Kakashi jumped down while he was talking to Sakura.

"Sakura, place some traps in case we get attacked at night." Kakashi ordered. Sakura tilted her head to the left and smirked arrogantly. That was the only sign she showed that she understood the command. She disappeared in a whirlwind of black sakurablossoms. He waited till she was out of sight before he continued.

"Sasuke, get a little fire going. Naruto, get some water. There is a creek 80 meters northeast from here."

"How do you know that?" Naruto asked in surprise. Kakashi chuckled.

"I can hear the waterfall it is creating." Kakashi answered. Naruto took two big water cans and went into the direction Kakashi gave him. Sasuke looked into the direction Naruto went, his hands in his pockets and a thin grin on his face, his voice was still the same cold tone it had before he left.

"You could've told him that you were here before. But no, you have to brag." While Sasuke said that, his gaze traveled to Kakashi who had a grin on his face as well, hidden behind his mask. He took out his book and jumped back on the branch, leaned against the trunk with his back and his feet outstretched. He made himself comfortable, using his right hand as a pillow for his head, the book in his left. Sasuke didn't move.

"I could've told him that I was here before, but it is not a lie that I can hear it. Besides, I wanted to see his face." Kakashi said, the grin still on his face. With that, Sasuke disappeared too in search for some wood to start a fire.

Sakura was the first one to be back.

"I have placed some trap wires and some exploding tags around us. The exploding tags will be activated if anyone except us enters the area. I presume that we will be alarmed if anyone tries to sneak up on us." She said, her voice slightly sarcastic. She went to her backpack and leaned against it, not caring if Kakashi approved of her work.

Sasuke and Naruto returned together, Naruto carrying the two cans of water. Sasuke put the wood he had collected down to the floor and used one of his fire techniques to ignite it. They waited till the content of one water can was hot and used it to make some tea. Everyone had some food brought with them and ate it, leaning against a trunk or sitting somewhere near the fire. Naruto and Sasuke were talking quietly with Kakashi asking questions or casually giving a comment. They talked about nothing important, but mostly about things that happened during the last two months and people Sakura didn't know. She stayed silent, her eyes focused on the flames of the fire and warming her hands with the cup of tea. The flames had a mesmerizing effect on her. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.

Suddenly, she saw and felt a succession of pictures and noises in her head. She didn't really saw the pictures, but impressions. The green of leaves and trees, the light and warmth of the sun, multiple colours from the clothes of people hasten past her, the noise of talking from people around her and the daily noise of a city full of life. Everything was blurry and Sakura was not able to actually identify where it was, when or if this was a memory. It made her uncomfortable. She shrugged her head and her eyes were narrowed while they were still closed. When she opened her eyes everything was back to normal. She could feel the weight of the cup in her hand, the heat of the near fire and the others talking. Her heart was racing but she was able to control her breathing so that she seemed normal. She looked to Sasuke and Naruto, but they were still talking to each other.

She gulped, her eyes blinking. A shiver ran down her spine. She put her cup down and got up. She walked to her backpack and took out a thin blanket. She wrapped it around her shoulders, covering her arms and holding the ends with her hands on her chest. She felt cold. She went near the edge of the cliff looking over the landscape beneath her before she looked to the horizon. The sun had already vanished behind the mountains on the west, colouring the sky in different shapes of red and orange. It was already getting dark.

Naruto was observing Sakura. She stood there unmoving for 5 minutes now, looking to the horizon and presumably the sunset. Naruto looked back to Sasuke and Kakashi who were looking into her direction too.

"What's wrong with her, Kakashi? She is not acting normal. Well, if there is anything normal about her right now." Naruto said, his voice quiet but sharp. His eyes were focused on Kakashi's and so were Sasuke's. Kakashi sighed. Naruto and Sasuke were aware of Sakura's behaviour before but were not sure what it meant. Kakashi was sure that Sakura couldn't hear what they were talking about which was good because he would tell Naruto and Sasuke something Tsunade told him during their long talk the day Sakura had come back.

"I told you about Sakura blocking and controlling her emotions and how she does it." Sasuke and Naruto gave both a short nod.

"But there is another way for her to do that besides her inner self. Tsunade and I agree that she blocks memories which would cause her to feel emotions. She can't remember them because she simply forgot that they are there." Kakashi made a short brake.

"On the day Sakura came back, Tsunade told me something and I think now after I saw some of her behaviour the assumption is right. Tsunade thinks that Sakura needed the time she was away from Konoha to get to a point where she deep inside her subconsciousness wanted to come back."

"You mean that even if she acts like...well, like she is right now, you think deep inside she wanted to come back?" Sasuke asked. His gaze traveled to Sakura who was still standing near the edge of the cliff.

"Yeah. Her way of dealing with emotional situations has changed slightly, but constantly the previous month. Hideaki, her former teamleader, informed Tsunade about everything and it seemed that she showed feelings like anger and hate more often during the last month whenever Konoha or something related closely to it was mentioned, but her other behaviour hasn't changed. I think she accepts in her subconsciousness the fact now that she has feelings otherwise she would suppress them. She still does but she doesn't always suppress hate and anger anymore cause it gets harder to control. You saw that this morning. Those are very strong emotions. Tsunade thinks that the stronger emotions and with that the memories where she felt those will come back first. She will slowly loose control, remembering thinks she actually doesn't _want_ to remember." Kakashi continued to explain, seeing comprehension settling in Naruto's eyes.

"It doesn't mean necessarily that the memories _have_ to be connected to strong feelings or the other way around. If we are right, her behaviour will keep changing constantly, but it could take months, even years before we actually see it. She could still be like she is now, just a little nicer and more companionable or completely different. I don't know. But Tsunade believes that there is a small chance that her behaviour could change very quickly. Behaviour like hers is normally only provoked by extreme situations like she went through before she left Konoha."

"You don't want to put her through that again, do you?" Naruto interrupted him louder. Sasuke looked a little confused himself.

"Of course not, Naruto. How could you think I would suggest something like that?" Kakashi asked while Naruto was mumbling a quiet sorry.

"The smallest things could cause her to remember something. Words, places, people, situations, impressions, nearly everything. But I don't want you to try to talk about it with her. She needs to do that with her own speed and nobody should force her to remember things she is not ready to remember. That could cause her to freak out and I guess nobody here wants that to happen since there will be problems anyway. Even if she gets better, she will still try to fight against it. And if she does, it could get ugly if there is a person involved she holds a grudge against." Kakashi finished. All three went silent, turning their heads to observe Sakura. It was already dark, the only light provided was the one from the low fire. Kakashi was the first to speak again after minutes of silence.

"Naruto, do you want to take over the first watch?" Kakashi asked, his gaze still on Sakura.

"Yeah." Naruto walked over to the fire. He looked into the flames for some moments before he sat down, lost in thought.

"Sasuke?"

"Second." He was still looking at Sakura. Then, he turned his head to Naruto.

"And baka, if you wake me up like you did last time I will beat you up, got that?" Sasuke said, stood up and walked over to his backpack and leaned his back against it, his feet outstretched.

"Don't call me baka." Naruto said silently, still thinking. He sighed and shook his head a little.

"I will go ask Sakura, Sasuke. I will tell you who to wake for third watch." With that, Kakashi stood up and walked over to Sakura.

-------------------

She could hear them talk about something, but she didn't care what they talked about. She watched the sky changing its colour from light red and orange to violet and dark blue to black. She always liked to watch sunsets especially when she wasn't alone. Again, she closed her eyes and fought against a memory that wanted to surface. She shook her head.

"Sakura?" Her head turned to see Kakashi standing behind her. She bended her brows and had a questioning look on her face.

"Naruto and Sasuke want to take the first two watches. Which one do you want to have?"

"Last." Sakura walked up to him, stopping right in front of him and looking into his eyes.

"I don't need too much sleep anyway." She walked over to her backpack slowly, leaned her head against it, using it as a pillow and wrapped the blanket around her. She drew her knees up to her body a little and seconds later, she was fast asleep.

Kakashi walked back over to Sasuke and told him that he would take over the third watch. Then jumped back up on a branch and made himself comfortable. He looked back to Naruto who was still staring into the fire. Both Sasuke and Sakura were sleeping.

Kakashi remembered a time when he was responsible alone for the three of them, where none of them had all of this horrible experiences they had now, back when Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were 12 years old. At night, he would watch over the three and wake them up at morning with something -anything- he found funny when they were on missions. Sasuke would be up in no time, Sakura would just wake up slowly and Naruto... well, Naruto would ask for more minutes to sleep, turning over to the other side and continuing to sleep. Sometimes, he would let him, sometimes he would yell at him and Naruto would jump up with his normal noisily voice and on other occasions, Sakura would do the job for him by simply smacking Naruto at the head and yell at him to get the hell up. Those times were gone for a long time.

Kakashi knew that the three adults down there would never be the same group they had been when they were 12 years old. Naruto would never again be the irritating, noisy, active and impatient person he once was. No. Naruto was still friendly and nice, able to empathize with somebody, but he had lost his total impatience and noisiness. He was calmer now, he thought before he acted. Well, most of the time anyway. He had grown up due to the fact that he had lost his friends one after another and that Akatsuki was after the Kyuubi sealed inside him. He had seen the worst of all people, but so had Sakura and Sasuke.

Sasuke still had various parts of the same attitude he had when he was 12, but he too, had grown up way too fast. In a way, Naruto and Sasuke were still comparable to each other. Maybe the way they got where they were now was different, but they both still had something to achieve in their life. And for now, it was similar. Both wanted to fight someone from their past. Naruto wanted to fight the members of Akatsuki in general for killing all Jinchuuriki except himself and Gaara, while Sasuke wanted to fight certain members of that organisation, namely Uchiha Itachi for murdering nearly the whole Uchiha clan and another member of his clan, Uchiha Madara who had been considered dead before they were able to find out that the akatsuki member Tobi actually was Uchiha Madara. Kakashi sighed. Both their goals would be more than hard to reach since the whereabouts of the akatsuki members were unknown, but presumably they still resided in Amegakure, the 'Village hidden in the Rain'. Since they had not been a thread up to now, Tsunade never prepared to attack them but tried to gather as many informations as possible. And Sakura had been unknowingly a part of this information gathering.

_Sakura._

She wasn't that different from Sasuke and Naruto, but she and them had never realised that. Maybe she had not been treated as bad as Naruto and Sasuke when she was a child, but she too had had her episodes of cruelness from other kids. Despite that she had smiled. But she would never be the cheerful girl again, the girl that dreamt of herself and Sasuke. She would never be the girl or woman he used to know again, not after everything that happened to her during the last 2 years. Now she was a member of ANBU, able to kill without hesitation and mercy.

_Broken inside._

And she was the woman who unknowingly made everyone around her as uncomfortable and miserable as herself. Including himself. He sighed again and closed his eyes.

_-----------------_

It was a warm evening and Sakura was sitting on top of a roof, as relaxed and peaceful as she could be. She was feeling warm and comfy... and... happy. She was smiling and her green eyes sparkling. The sun was setting in front of her, the sky coloured in different shapes of orange, red, a mixture of both with blue and darker blue in the east. And there was another person, holding her in his arms, warming her skin. She turned her head to face the person, still smiling.

Suddenly, everything around her went black.

Sakura's eyes shot open. Her heart was racing but calmed down moments later. She gulped. It was still dark and quiet around her, but she was lying on the ground with a blanket wrapped around her. She felt cold. For minutes, she tried to go back to sleep, tried to ignore the dream she had not forgotten this time.

_Where are you? Why can I still remember that dream? What happ..._

_"I am here. And you know why you can still remember that dream, don't you?"_

_No, I don't know damit. I will deal with it myself then. A great help you are. That's what you get for relying on other people... well, other than the real myself. _

She sat up and looked around. Naruto and Sasuke were sleeping on the other side of the fire but she wasn't able to see Kakashi. She looked up. There he was, still sitting on a branch. His hands were behind his head and his feet outstretched. It looked like he was asleep. It was dark but she knew that he was awake. And he knew that she was awake. His gaze landed on her and he lifted his hand from behind his head with his palm unclosed like he wanted to say 'hello' and his eye was narrowed the way it was when he was smiling. He nodded in her direction and she gave a short nod back. It was only minutes before he would have woken her up for her watch. She got up, walked to the nearest trunk and made herself comfortable. Her watch had started.

----------------

It was still early in the morning, but they were already on their way to their destination. After breakfast, Sakura removed her traps while the others cleared away the camp. She had already packed her things up. When she was finished, they took off, Kakashi leading the way. But Sakura had a pretty good idea where they headed.

By noon, they arrived at the outskirts of a beautiful village. They stopped running and walked instead. Kakashi still lead them, but Sakura knew the way herself. While they were walking down the street, the people around them turned their heads in their direction. In this village, strangers were unusual and they were regarded closely, especially when there was more than one stranger. And they were a group of four.

Sakura walked behind Kakashi now, Naruto and Sasuke were following her side by side. Suddenly, she turned her head and fetched with her right hand a stone before it could hit her right eye. A little boy was standing 8 meters away from her, still aiming at her with his slingshot. Surrounding him was a little group of other boys and girls, who had stepped back from the boy when she had turned around. He let his arms fall down, looking at her a little frightened. Sakura was staring at him, her eyes cold and blank. She said nothing. Before the others could do or say anything, she outstretched her right fist with the stone in it. Kakashi could hear the little cracking noise before she opened her fist. A little cloud of dust whirled around in the air. The eyes of the boy shot open wider, his mouth opened in surprise, his shoulders dropped down. Sakura was still staring at him. The group surrounding the boy gulped and scattered in fear. The boy followed seconds later, trembling. When the boy had disappeared, she turned around again and continued her way without giving a second thought to the incident.

"Remind me to never ever play a prank on her again when she is back to normal." Naruto commented.

"I don't want to know what she would have done if that boy had been you...or me." Sasuke answered. Kakashi stayed silent.

"Let's go. We still have a mission to accomplish." Naruto and Sasuke nodded and followed Kakashi.

-------------------

Minutes later, they reached the house of the feudal lord. Guards were placed at the entrance and Kakashi had to show a piece of paper Tsunade had given him to one guard before one of the four guards disappeared inside the house. One minute later, he returned with an old man. Sakura knew him. He was named Sato Shiro and was the adviser of feudal lord Kudo Kenichi. He recognized Kakashi and Sakura immediately and welcomed them. Kakashi introduced Sasuke and Naruto before Shiro led them into a room. It wasn't big and was not decorated with unnecessary items. This room had the sole purpose for short talks and not for comfortable gatherings. The four of them were seated on cushions. The feudal lord and his adviser sat in front of them. Shiro had introduced everyone to Kudo.

"Kakashi-san, to be honest, I never thought Tsunade would send you here or Sakura-san." The feudal lord started.

"Well, Tsunade wanted to relieve the two Jounins who are here right now, since they've been here for some time and they are needed back at Konoha. I will have to talk to them later. And where are they?"

"They are nearby, resting from the trip I had to make. I thought they could need it and since I hope that I am quiet save here with all my guards around I think I don't need them right now. Shiro will show you where the two are..." He wanted to say more but was interrupted by the door opening and a little shriek that followed. A flash of red ran through the door and into the room. It was a little girl in a red dress. She ran to the feudal lord and flung her arms round his neck. They heard the footsteps of another person who stopped in the doorway, breathing heavily.

"Daddy!!!" The little girl shrieked. The feudal lord tried to free himself out of the embrace.

"I am sorry, Kudo-sama, but when she heard that you were back..." The woman in the doorway said, still breathing hard.

"It is okay, Etsuko. This way I can introduce her to the new guards. You can go, I will take care of her for now."

"Yes, Kudo-sama." The old woman said and left the room.

"Mai, please welcome our guests and new guards from Konoha." The little girl got up and turned around. She bowed slightly.

"Welcome, my name is Kudo Mai." When she looked up, she saw the four ninja, sitting on cushions. The female was familiar, but... And then she realised who she was. Her eyes were big in surprise, showing happiness and she cheerfully ran to Sakura and flung her arms around her like she did moments ago with her father.

"Sakura!!" Sakura was holding the little girl in her arms. Her eyes were big and her gaze was terrified. Memories filled her head... Memories of a little girl in her arms, crying and screaming for her father. A little girl, frightened to death because she had witnessed the death of the two ninja who had abducted her. She could still feel the fear, confusion and the feeling of being alone that radiated from the girl when she saved her. Sakura closed her eyes and let go of the child.

_Where are you, damit? I need your help! I can't..._

_"You have to start dealing with it... And you know that I am right."_

_Damn. I hate you!_

_"You think you will get me to help you when you behave like that? No way."_

_Damn. Then stay away!_

_"You were the one to ask for my help..."_

"Mai!" The feudal lord called out for his daughter and she walked back to him, bowing slightly before him.

"I am sorry dad. I am just happy that Sakura is here. She will be the one to protect me, won't she? Please daddy." She pleaded, and her father was not one of those parents who denied a wish, especially if it was his only child's.

"I will talk with the leader about it, okay? Now go search Etsuko." He told his daughter and she left the room smiling.

"I am sorry for her behaviour, but I haven't seen her in a week. Kakashi, about the request..." Kudo's voice was a little uncertain here.

"I don't see a problem if Sakura guards your daughter." Kakashi replied. He thought for a moment before he began to speak again.

"Well, first I want to talk with the other ninja. We will need your planning for the next week so we can work out a plan on our own, especially places you will have to visit and so on. And I want to see the scroll with the message in it."

"I will give the planning and the scroll to you." The adviser said.

"Well, if we are finished...I need some rest." Kudo got up and left the room. Kakashi and the others got up too. Kakashi turned to Sakura.

"You will guard Mai alone today. We will see how long though. You know what to do." Kakashi ordered after Sakura stood there silent for some moments, looking into her eyes. And what he saw made him paradoxically happy. It was fear and confusion.

_Feelings. Accept them, Sakura. Don't fight them. Once you started it will get easier. I promise._

"But why can't I..." Sakura tried to ask, her eyes and her voice showing the fear she felt deep inside, but she didn't noticed it.

"This is not a debate." Kakashi said rigorously. He knew exactly that she would be angry at him, but for her sake he would deal with it. And he would have to deal with the pain he inflicted. Something he had realised long ago was, that sometimes it needed pain to heal another, much deeper pain. Sakura clenched her teeth and fists. She stared at his vest for a moment and her eyes were sparkling with anger, but she never looked him in his eye. She nodded and left the room without saying anything. Naruto and Sasuke were looking at each other, than they both turned their heads in Kakashi's direction.

"Did she really ask... And did you see her face?" Naruto started, but was interrupted by Kakashi.

"Yes, I did. But don't mock her. This will be tough for her. Remember what I told you." Kakashi had his rare 'I am starting to get angry' look on his face and Naruto was wise enough to drop the subject.

_She hates to get orders from anyone and it seems that she hates to get them from me. Can't something be easy for one time? I don't want to hurt her further, but I have no choice. I am sorry, Sakura._

Kakashi turned to Shiro who had witnessed the hole scene silently.

"Would you show me where the two ninja are?" Kakashi asked. Shiro nodded and pointed to the door with his left hand. While they began to walk, Kakashi stopped near the door.

"Could someone show Sasuke and Naruto where we will be staying?"

"Yes. Please, follow me." The old man said and walked ahead. Sasuke and Naruto followed him and Kakashi out of the room. The house was big, but Naruto wasn't able to see much since Shiro led them to a part where the servants seemed to live. Shiro pointed to a door. Kakashi nodded and entered the room after a short knock on it.

"Shiro, could you hand Sasuke the scroll please? He can read over it too." With that, Kakashi disappeared inside the room.

"Yes, of course. Please follow me." Shiro handed the scroll over to Sasuke who took it and packed it into his backpack. He would read it later. The old man showed them to the room they would sleep in for the time being.

"Feel free to use this room. If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask me or Etsuko. She will be around." Sasuke and Naruto both nodded and put down their backpacks. Sasuke took the scroll out while Shiro left the room.

"Hey, Naruto!" Naruto came over to Sasuke while he opened the scroll and began to read. Naruto was standing behind him, reading over his shoulder.

_We will get you and your daughter. You won't escape us like you did last time!_

"That's it?" Naruto asked, disappointment audible in his voice. He looked to Sasuke, who just shrugged his shoulders, like he wanted to say 'I don't know, why do you ask me?'.

"You sound disappointed, Naruto. Do you think they would tell us what they were up to?" They heard the voice from the door. It was Kakashi.

"Well?" Sasuke directed the question to Kakashi who shrugged his shoulders and set down his own backpack.

"There haven't been any incidents up to now. The two will start to head for Konoha today since we are here now. I talked to Shiro and I have the planning for next week. We will have night shifts. You and Naruto will take one and Sakura and me will have the other. We can't risk to do that individually. Two are better than one, especially during night. In daylight, you, Naruto and I will guard lord Kudo. I think Sakura should guard Mai for now, but you will help her if she needs it." Kakashi told Sasuke, but looked occasionally in Naruto's direction. Both nodded. And with that, the mission had started.

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End of chapter. Hope you like it. I know, it's not my best, but I hope it shows what I wanted to say...Updates will be slower than before since my holidays are over... That means a lot of work and no free time, but I will continue to update.


	8. Chapter 8

Here's the next chapter. I am really sorry for not updating for a long time, but I have the flu and the only thing I really wanted to do was lying in bed and sleep...so there was no time for writing at all, but I managed to finish today. Read and enjoy the chapter!

8. Troubles ahead

Sakura was stomping through the house on her way to Mai's room. Her fists were still clenched, her breathing heavy and her eyes narrowed in anger. One of the servants stopped abruptly when he saw her and pressed his back against the wall to make way for her. He looked terrified and confused and his eyes were wide open in shock due to her own appearance. After she had passed by, he hurried away in the opposite direction. Sakura hadn't even noticed him.

_How dare he boss me around like that? That's just..._

_"He is the squad leader. He has the _right_ to give you orders."_

_But I don't like him to give me orders dammit! I hate it. It's unfair! It's..._

_"Why don't you like it?"_

_I... I just don't like it. And who asked you? _

Sakura continued her way which she knew from her mission one year back since the team had stayed for one week after they had saved Mai to ensure that everything was alright again. But Sakura had tried to stay away from Mai who nonetheless tried to be close to her. The more Sakura ran away figuratively the more Mai came after her literally.

"Sakura-san? Are you alright?" She heard a voice saying her name and lifted her head up to see Etsuko standing in front of her, her gaze confused and questioning. The elderly woman had a nice and friendly face, her posture was stooped due to her age. Sakura closed her eyes, gulped and relaxed her fists. When she opened her eyes again, she had a fake smile on her face.

"Yes, of course. I am sorry."

Etsuko was old enough to be able to distinguish between real and fake smiles and she saw that Sakura was not okay, but she dismissed the subject for now. There would come a time to talk, but this time was not now.

"Mai is in her room playing. But she keeps asking me if she could have a walk outside ... Would you go with her? I have work to do now that Kudo-sama is back home." Sakura sighed. Take a little girl out for a walk? How hard could that be?

_"It could be very hard if you want to avoid contact with other people, especially teammates and their captains and little girls."_

_I don't avoid other people!! What am I doing right now, hm? I am talking to a person or am I not?_

_"Just because she is somewhat a part of your mission. Show me you can handle a little girl..."_

_Count on it. It will be a pleasure for me to prove _me_ right... I don't avoid people!! How dare you talk to me like that?_

_"Stop talking and start proving that you are right and that you are able to handle a little girl and go for a walk with her. Alone."_

Sakura sighed. She closed her eyes for a short moment and opened them again, facing Etsuko.

"Do you mind if I take her out for a walk tomorrow?" She asked Etsuko, bashing herself mentally on the head.

"But I will look after her for you now so you can do your work." She added fast.

_"Well done... You are really close to showing me what you can do." Her inner self teased her._

Etsuko nodded and smiled to her.

"Of course that's okay. What was I thinking? Surely you are tired from the journey. Well, just looking after Mai playing will be enough work for you now. Kudo-sama asked for you and the others to join us while eating, so I will call you when dinner is ready. If Mai causes any troubles, please call me. You still know where you will find me, don't you?"

"Yes, I still know. Thanks." Etsuko nodded and walked down the corridor, vanishing inside another room. Sakura sighed and opened the door to Mai's room. How hard could it be to watch a little girl after all and a lively and nice like this one? She was a shinobi after all! If Sakura had had a choice, she would have run as far away as she could.

---------------------------

Sakura was sitting on the veranda that went around the house, thinking about the horrible afternoon. Horrible was the word Sakura would use to describe it, while everyone else would describe it as a normal afternoon watching after a little girl who was desperately in need of some friends. Sakura had never met a girl who was talking _that_ much and was as chirpy as her. She had had problems dealing with Mai one year ago, but since Mai had been in a state of emotional shock from the kidnapping she didn't talk that much back then. Sakura had to admit that she was a sweet girl, trying to befriend her. And Sakura would've really liked her if she wasn't causing her to feel attached to her. And that Mai certainly did. Sakura knew that Mai's mother died when she was two years old and she felt pity for her. Or at least she would feel it if she was feeling anything. Mai obviously tried to get the attention and love of women around her and Etsuko was the only female around her and caring for her on a regular basis so everyone 'new' was interesting, especially Sakura since she had saved her in the past.

Sakura snapped out of her thoughts when she heard footsteps behind her which she knew belonged to Kakashi. She tightened her grip on the thin blanket around her shoulders until her knuckles were white. She was cold, but she would never admit it. Nights could get cold, especially here in the north and she seemed to be cold the whole time. Kakashi sat down beside her.

"Nothing unusual so far." He informed her, but Sakura stayed quiet, just nodded her head and kept staring into the distance and so did Kakashi. They stayed silent for the next minutes. Kakashi was aware of Sakura being cold since she had started to shiver slightly and he wished he could do something about it. But he knew that she would never let him help her, unless he did it in a way Sakura wasn't aware of. Maybe if he distracted her a little... Or if he surprised her. He smirked mentally.

"Is second watch okay for you? I mean I could do the watch without you... I had no time to talk to you and I know watching over Mai is really a hard job, at least it would be for me..." Kakashi turned his head in her direction after he had finished. Sakura was looking surprised and stopped shaking instantly and her mouth was standing open a little.

_What? Is... Is he crazy or what?_

"I... I..." Sakura was trying to say something but stuttered instead. Kakashi was pretending that he didn't hear anything.

"No. It's... It's okay. I can handle the situation." Sakura said, still confused. And without further thinking, she added something hurriedly and barely understandable. But Kakashi understood it nonetheless.

"I am sorry for my behavior this afternoon. I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

_Damn. What was I thinking? Why am I saying such crap?_

_"Because you wanted to."_

_Oh shut up!_

_"For now... I will."_

Kakashi was now surprised a little himself, but differently from Sakura, she wasn't aware of it. He stayed silent, but nodded in her direction and she turned her head away fast, confusion and anger glimmering in her eyes.

_I broke her defense! Even if it was just for a short moment... And she doesn't shiver anymore. Tsunade was right. Mai is weakening her defenses both emotional and physical... No wonder after what I heard this afternoon. I would go crazy if I had to watch over Mai._

Kakashi grinned inwardly. Sakura had forgotten that she was cold and continued to stare into the darkness of the night, painfully aware of Kakashi sitting beside her.

_What have I done? I apologized, dammit! To Kakashi... damn! I don't want to apologize to anyone and especially not for my behavior and especially not to _him_! I want him and everyone else to see me as a kunoichi, and a strong one..._

_"Well, that's not the only thing you want, is it?"_

_Argh. What do you know? I said shut the hell up._

_"Make me..."_

_---------------------_

"Can we go into the village? Pleeeaaaassssseeeee?" Mai asked Sakura with a pleading voice and a look in her face that reminded Sakura of a little, helpless kitten with big, watery eyes. And it worked. She couldn't deny Mai most of the things she wanted just like her father. During the last five days Mai had found out how she could get Sakura to a point where she allowed nearly everything. And Sakura played along with it. She sighed.

"I will have to talk to Kakashi about it first. He is the only one to decide this, you know that Mai." Sakura said with a little and for her uncommon smile on her face while she was kneeling down in front of Mai and looking into her face.

_Why am I doing this? I am too nice...This is not how I want to be..._

_"No you are not! You are just as nice as anyone should be... And don't you think this is nice too? Being friendly to others? Just keep going. You are doing great right now!"_

Sakura got up and indicated Mai with a nod of her head to follow her. For the last days it had been Sakura's task to look after Mai since Kakashi and lord Kudo had agreed that Mai should get a permanent guard herself. Sakura went through some corridors until she found the room lord Kudo was supposed to be in at this time of the day. Sakura opened the door without knocking and spotted Kakashi and Sasuke immediately sitting on the floor in one corner of the room while lord Kudo seemed to have a meeting. She turned to Mai who was behind her and stopped her from entering the room with a short shake of her head and Mai nodded. Sakura walked in the room and silently to Kakashi.

"Mai wants to go into the village. I don't think it would be the best idea, but if I say no she will keep on asking." Sakura whispered as to not disturb lord Kudo whose voice she heard in the background together with other voices from the men who had joined him in the meeting.

"You can take her outside, but I want you to take Sasuke with you. We are here for one week now and maybe they are just waiting for us to let our guard down but we won't." Kakashi saw the resistance in Sakuras features when he mentioned Sasuke, but after a moment she nodded and looked to Sasuke who turned his head to Kakashi and nodded in his direction while he got up and walked to the door where Mai was waiting with a big joyful smile on her face. Mai was merely able to stand still since she felt the urge to jump up and down. Sakura followed Sasuke and when she exited the room, Mai had given up to hold herself back and was jumping on one foot, looking questionably in her eyes.

"Can we? Can we?" She asked, still smiling and joyful. Sakura smiled slightly, but her eyes were still cold, but Mai didn't notice. She nodded.

"Yay. Thank you." She shouted and jumped up. Sakura shooed her outside since she didn't want to disturb lord Kudo. Sasuke was waiting outside, his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

"I already told Naruto that we will be away for some time." Sakura nodded and walked to him, stopping in front of him. During the whole time they had been here, Sakura merely talked to Naruto or Sasuke and they didn't talk with her unless they had to. She felt that there was nothing she needed to talk about with them. And they felt that she simply didn't wanted to talk.

Sasuke and Sakura stared into each other's eyes. They stayed there for minutes before Sakura was aware of the tugging on her hand and she looked down to see Mai.

"Can we go now, please?" Mai asked her. Sakura looked back to Sasuke and he shrugged his shoulders lightly.

"Sure. But remember what I told you the last time? No running away! And stay where we can see you!" Mai nodded her head. She turned around and walked ahead, Sakura following her with Sasuke.

They walked through the village and soon came to a more quiet part with more trees and grass around. Mai took Sakura's hand into hers. Sakura looked shocked and tried to withdraw her hand, but Mai had a fairly strong grip for her age.

"Why is your hair black now? I liked the pink." Mai asked her casually.

"I didn't like it anymore. I needed something different." Sakura answered, but that didn't seem to satisfy Mai.

"But why black? And why do your eyes look different too? I liked the green more."

"I like black, okay?" She said, a slight trace of impatience audible in her voice.

"Okay." Mai said with the typical sulking tone which only children were able to show and express. Mai's grip on her hand loosened. Sakura sighed. She didn't wanted to be rude to Mai, but she didn't want to think about her motives. There was just too much to think about.

Sakura surfaced out of her thoughts when she felt Sasuke stepping close near her, his hands still buried in his pockets. Mai was standing in front of a group of kids, most of them her own age. Sakura recognized some faces from the crowd she met when they came to the village. When she saw the boy who nearly hit her with a stone, he looked into her direction at the same time. She could see the surprise in his eyes when he realized who she was. And as soon as it hit him, he turned around and ran away, some of the kids following him. Mai stepped forward and made a movement with her hand as to hold them back but they ran away nonetheless. Sakura wasn't able to see Mai's face, but she assumed that it showed traces of disappointment and sadness since her shoulders and head dropped. A girl stepped forward from the remaining group.

"Hi. Who are you?" She asked. Mai's head shot up.

"My name is Kudo Mai and..." She was interrupted by a little boy with glasses.

"You are the daughter of lord Kudo? My mom forbid me to play with you!" He said while pointing one finger to Mai. He turned around and ran away. All the others around agreed with soft murmurs and followed him. Mai's shoulders and head dropped again while she turned around. Her hands were clenched to fists and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was sobbing silently. Just at the moment she started to run to her, she heard a soft shy voice.

"My name is Saki. You want to play with...with me?" Sakura focused on the little girl who was partly hidden behind the trunk of the tree near Mai. She was peering into her direction from behind the tree with one eye. Mai turned around again, nodding with her head after she wiped the tears off her face with the sleeves of her dress.

Sakura had suddenly problems with her breathing. She turned to Sasuke.

"Could you watch after Mai some moments alone?" Without waiting for an answer, she ran into the opposite direction. She stopped when she was sure that nobody was watching or hearing her. She leaned her right hand against a trunk, her body bowed. She saw pictures in her head which were all too familiar. And which she had wanted to forget for a long time and had succeeded for almost one year.

Flashback:

Sakura was squatting on the floor. She was crying and sobbing.

"You always get called forehead girl and get picked on, huh?" A girl that was squatting before her asked. Sakura looked up.

"Who are you?" She asked, her voice teary.

"I'm Yamanaka Ino. And who are you?" She asked back.

"I'm Sakura." She answered softly, barely audible.

"I can't hear you. Speak louder."

"Haruno Sakura." She called out, her face still covered with tears. Ino was pointing with one finge to Sakura's forehead.

"I see. You have a wide forehead. Which makes you forehead girl." Ino was now standing, but was leaning down to Sakura. She was removing Sakura's bangs from her forehead with one hand.

"That's why you hide it with your hair so nobody sees it." Ino continued while Sakura was still crying and sobbing silently. Ino was smiling to her.

"Sakura is it, right?" Ino asked. Sakura nodded while Ino stood up.

"Come here tomorrow, I will give you something." She said, while she turned around and walked away, waving with her hand.

The next day, Ino gave her a ribbon for her hair. And she had lectured her about not being afraid for her looks. They became best friends...

End flashback

Sakura was holding in sobs, her eyes filled with tears she tried desperately to hold back and her breathing was erratic. Her heartbeat had quickened painfully.

_Do something. I don't want to remember this. I don't want to feel... I don't want to..._

_"I can't. You will have to do something on your own." The voice of her inner self was pitiful._

_Don't you dare pity me. I don't want this!_

Sakura closed her eyes, gulped down her rising rage about herself and controlled her breathing. She wiped away the sweat on her forehead and the tears in her eyes. She closed them for some moments. She fetched a deep breath, got up and squared her shoulders. She was calm again. Her eyes showed no traces of the tears. She walked slowly back to the spot where she had left Sasuke and Mai. They were still there, but Mai was obviously saying her goodbye to the other girl. Sakura walked to Sasuke and stopped when she was next to him. He stayed silent but had a pretty good idea of what had been going on.

Mai turned around, smiling and as joyful and lively as ever. Her tears were apparently forgotten. She ran to her after the other girl vanished in the other direction. She started talking about the girl cheerily like nothing happened.

-----------------------

Sakura was sitting on the edge of the veranda again, Kakashi sitting beside her. He had woken her up from a nightmare one hour ago. She couldn't remember what it was about, but she was still confused and she didn't like it one bit.

"Any problems this afternoon I should know about? Sasuke wasn't actually the talkative person I know..." Kakashi chuckled silently into his mask. He had been alternately nice or harsh towards Sakura during the last days. He knew that it would confuse Sakura even further, maybe even hurt her, but he had to take every little chance that could bring her back no matter what it took from him.

Sakura was staring ahead like she did most of the nights during watch. She tried hard not to think about everything that was going on. She tried to suppress it, the memories that slowly came back to her mind, but it got harder and harder each passing day, especially with Kakashi and Mai being the main persons to talk to her. One day Kakashi would be nice to her, the other day he wasn't. She hated the days he was harsh towards her, but she hated the days were he was nice even more. On these days, it was harder to suppress memories that were surfacing from her subconsciousness like the one of her and Ino since she wasn't distracted from the anger and occasional hate that inevitably arouse inside her when Kakashi gave her orders in a harsh tone or when he gave her gruff replies. But there were other memories too she wasn't able to suppress, such as...

_No. No. I don't want to think about it._

"Well?" Kakashi asked again. Sakura snapped out of her thoughts.

"No, we had no problems. What did he talk about?" Sakura asked tetchy.

"Nothing special. He just said that you were back."

_And he told me about everything that happened. Why don't you, Sakura?_

"Good." Sakura said with a tone that showed Kakashi that she wouldn't talk about the subject any further. He sighed mentally. Maybe it was slightly easier to deal with her since she was distracted, but it would cost him a lot of patience nonetheless. And right now, he had to talk with her about a very sensitive subject.

"I will do the watch without you tomorrow. I need you to be well rested..."

"What? Just because I don't sleep well doesn't mean I need to be treated different from Sasuke and Naruto!" Sakura interrupted him. He sighed. Anger was the last thing he needed right now.

"Let me explain why before you go berserk on me." Kakashi's voice was still calm. She took a deep breath, but Kakashi was still able to to detect the rising anger in her eyes. She nodded her head.

"Lord Kudo has to pay a visit to a village in the mountains and we agreed to take Mai with us. Surely you figured out that this might be a trap and I need all three of you on guard. Watching over Mai is a hard job, watching over Kudo isn't as hard. Naruto takes naps all the time while he thinks I haven't noticed, Sasuke doesn't need much sleep and so do I. But you could need it. Therefore my decision has nothing to do with your performance so far or because you are the only female in our team or because I think you are weak." Sakura's head shot up.

_So that's what she is concerned about... Does she really think she is weak?_

Sakura nodded and stood up. She wanted to go her hourly rounds around the house.

"Sakura." Kakashi called out her name and she turned her head around. He wanted to tell her that she wasn't weak at all. He wanted to tell her that she was one of the best shinobi he ever met and that she was as strong as Naruto and Sasuke. He wanted to tell her so much more. But he decided against it. He sighed. She looked at him questionably.

"It's nothing." Sakura turned her head and walked away, out of Kakashi's sight.

--------------------------

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were standing in a semicircle before Kakashi.

"Kudo's people found out who is after him. They already took the person into custody, but it seems that the ninja he hired will try to kill Kudo nevertheless. That means for us that this trip is their best chance to do it and it is not a matter of time but the right place. The area we will travel through will be woody at first and change into mountainous territory. We will have to cross ravines and this will be the areas with the highest probability of an ambush." Kakashi explained. Naruto yawned.

"Am I boring you, Naruto?" Kakashi's gaze landed on Naruto who was trying to stifle another yawn. When he noticed Kakashi's eye looking at him, his self-concious laugh could be heard. Kakashi just shook his head.

"Naruto!" Naruto's head shot up while Kakashi was grinning.

"You will stay close to the carriage and defend it with your shadow clones when we are attacked. Sasuke, you will follow me with everything I do. Sakura. You will back Sasuke and me up. Use your wide range jutsu but try to stay close to the carriage. If need be, I will give you commands over the wireless radios." Kakashi finished and the three standing in front of him gave a short nod. Kakashi was holding them back with a motion of his hand.

"Sakura. You were here before. Do you still remember the area?"

"Yeah. It was hard to find Mai at that time and we had to search a quite large area. I was the one scouting the "

"Alright. If need be you will take the lead and escort lord Kudo back. Naruto, you will follow Sakura if something happens." Both nodded and all of them walked away, taking their backpacks on their way to the waiting group.

----------------------

It was a sunny, warm day. About 10 meters above and 5 meters beside the path through the forest was a cliff. The forest was already thinning out, giving place to rocks and cliffs. On the path beneath the cliff was the carriage lord Kudo was traveling in.

His escort consisted not only of Kakashi's team, but also of 10 other guards. Kakashi wanted to draw as less attention to their group as possible and had decided therefore for a small but strong group that was able to travel fast. This meant that lord Kudo and Mai were traveling in a normal carriage and not in the noble one which was not showing who was traveling in it. It had worked while they were traveling through the village and right now, they had already covered about one third of the way without any incidents. But the area with better places for ambushes was still ahead and it was only noon.

The ten guards were flanking the carriage on each side. Their orders were to guard the carriage and not to participate in any fighting actions unless they were in order to defend lord Kudo. Kakashi was walking on the left leading position, Sasuke on the right. Sakura was following Kakashi on his side and Naruto on the other.

Sakura was feeling uneasy for some time now. She had no idea where that feeling came from, but it gave her the shivers. She had had this feeling more than once during her time as a member of ANBU and she had always been right. There was something going on, but she wasn't able to say what it was. She diverted her attention from the trees near the path on her right to the edge of the cliff above her on the left. And without thinking, she stopped and her hand shot to her weapon pouch on her right thigh. Within a fraction of a second she was holding a kunai in the right hand and her body was in a defensive stance. Everyone around was getting into defensive positions too after they saw Sakura's behaviour. But the sensation she had felt seconds ago was gone. She had felt a chakra, she was sure of it, but it was...

"Sakura." Kakashi was standing in front of her after all of them had realized that there was nothing to worry about. Everyone was looking into her direction questionably. Sakura looked up into Kakashi's face.

"What happened? Did you feel anything?" Sakura stayed silent. How could she explain to him or anyone what she had felt moments ago? She wasn't even sure herself what it had been. Except that she had felt a chakra above her on the cliff. It was strange... it was there one second but on the other side it was...not. Sakura shook her head.

"Sorry, it's nothing. I just..." Kakashi just nodded when he felt that she was uncomfortable. He gave a sign that they could go on. The carriage and the soldiers started to move again, but Kakashi stayed with Sakura.

"Nobody hears us. What did you feel?" Kakashi asked after some moments of silent walking. The second Sakura had reached for her pouch he had looked into her face and he saw the confusion on her face... And a trail of fear.

"I..." She swallowed. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to organize her thoughts.

"It was strange. It felt like chakra, but it wasn't. I... I can't... I can't explain it. It was gone after one moment. I was not even sure if there had been something. But now it is gone. For sure." Her voice was calm, but Kakashi was able to hear the confusion in it. He just nodded and went back to his position. He had felt something himself but wasn't sure what it was but Sakura obviously felt it first since it had been gone before he had even the chance to react. He sighed. For now, he had to concentrate on the mission, but he would keep the incident in mind. He would have to.

-----------------------

Four hours later there still had not been any incident. Sakura began to wonder if the information they got before they had left was true. They had already passed all the 'good' places for an ambush. Right now they moved to an area with thin forest and few places to hide so it was not exactly the best idea to plan an ambush somewhere near.

Naruto had started to joke around and tried to get a response out of Sasuke, who either didn't even react to it or just gave his typical 'hn' reply. But both were far away from letting their guard down and so were Sakura and Kakashi. Sakura knew Naruto long enough to know that. He was probably trying to lure them out of hiding if there really was someone. But obviously it didn't work. He gave up one hour ago and was walking silently again. The silence except for the typical noise from the carriage and the marching soldiers made her nervous. The moment she admitted the fact to herself she realised something. It was too quiet now. Normally she would hear the chirping of birds and the sound from other animals living in the forest, but there were no such sounds.

Sakura looked to Kakashi who was still walking ahead of her. For everyone who didn't know him as good as she did - well, maybe used to know - he was relaxed and not on alert. But she knew better than that.

"Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura." Kakashi spoke to them over the radio in a low voice. None of them gave a response, but there was no need for that anyway. Sakura reacted fast when she felt a kunai directed at her. She blocked it with her own kunai she took out of her porch only moments ago. She calculated where the kunai had to come from and came to the conclusion that the one throwing it at her was hidden in the trees ahead of them. Sakura stayed were she was and so did Naruto since the carriage had stopped and the soldiers had too. There was not enough space to get away so they had to stay there for now. Out of nowhere, two shadows formed 20 meters in front of the group. The only thing visible were their faces. One of them grinned evilly.

"Look who we have here. Just the person we have been waiting for." The one grinning spitted out seconds before they attacked. They ran straight for Kakashi and Sasuke who positioned themselves in front of the group in a fighting stance.

"There are four of them." Kakashi informed them over the radio, but Sakura herself had already felt their chakras. Behind the other two, two more appeared suddenly. Sakura grinned herself. That was a dump thing to do. Attacking them from the front would not work, no matter how good those ninja were.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu." Sakura could hear Naruto calling out and only moments later, 15 Naruto clones appeared and surrounded the carriage. Now that the clones would defend the carriage, she ran to the front where Kakashi and Sasuke were. The now four ninja abruptly turned around in the other direction where they came from, Kakashi and Sasuke following them.

"Sakura!" Kakashi shouted out to her. She knew what he wanted her to do. She stopped and formed some handseals, concentrating and her eyes closed. She focused on the four ninja and their motion. Her eyes shot open and she punched the ground in front of her with her right fist. Naruto who saw it wondered why she did that but it became clear to him seconds later. The ground beneath two of the ninja burst open and it knocked them off their feet, the other two stopped in surprise. Sakura grinned. She had developed that jutsu during the last year. In order for it to work, she used her excellent control over her chakra and her enormous strength to guide the impact through the ground to the spot she wanted the ground to burst open. After various times of failure to use that technique she had finally been able to expand the distance in which she was able to use it.

Kakashi and Sasuke reached the ninja at the moment they had recovered from their surprise. Sakura was following them, but suddenly, one of them left the group and disappeared behing the trees to the right.

"Sakura. Follow him! Naruto can handle the situation." Sakura nodded even though Kakashi wouldn't see it. She followed the ninja to the right, but stopped after some seconds. The chakra she felt moved in a semicircle around her in the distance back to the carriage. She concealed her chakra, made a 90 degree turn to her left and ran forward. She stopped when she was on the same level as the carriage. She estimated the carriage to be 30 meters away from her. She felt that the person had stopped. Moments later, a person appeared in front of her.

"Ah, come on. Why do I always have to fight girls. This is getting annoying." He had an arrogant smile on his face. Sakura had seen men like him before. He was sure that he would win against a 'little' girl like her. Well, others had learned before him that they would not win and he would too. Most likely, he would die today. She had bowed her head a little and her long black hair was hiding her face. She smirked scornfully. Whenever Hideaki had seen this smirk, even he had felt slightly uneasy, Sakura knew that. And this ninja would be no different. She raised her head. She would let him speak as long as he wished to. After all, this was his last day to live.

"They sent you and this pathetic team of yours after we wrote that letter? Damn, what is Konoha thinking, hm? I thought they would send someone strong here after all." After he finished he charged at her directly. Sakura shook her head mentally. His first mistake was to show himself to her, his second to call her pathetic and the last one was to come for her directly. She was already in fighting stance so this would be over quickly. _Very_ quickly. Maybe he thought there was no way a woman was actually good with taijutsu but she would show him that _she_ was. He approached. She waited. His first move was a typical taijutsu move she was able to evade easily. Not she was pathetic, but him, she realised and she wanted to end this quick. He missed with his second bash too, but she didn't with her first attempt. Her fist connected with his stomach. He flew through the air until he hit a tree behind him with his back, the impact being strong enough to crack the tree. She heard bones crack too and let her hand drop while she stood back up. On her face was a content smile. She looked into his face, surprise and shock visible on it, his eyes wide open. Dead eyes.

She turned around since there was no need for her to confirm that he was really dead and walked back to the carriage. The other chakras had disappeared moments ago too. When she reached the carriage, Kakashi and Sasuke were already there, looking into her direction when she neared them.

"Obviously you are okay. Any problems?" Kakashi asked her, while Naruto and Sasuke went to the other side of the carriage, talking to each other.

"No, none at all. But he said something..." Kakashi interrupted her.

"Tell me later about it. Let's move!" He called out to the others and they started to move again.

-----------------------------------

The group arrived at the destination early in the evening. Lord Kudo had agreed with Kakashi during a short talk after their arrival that the major thread was over now, but Kakashi also knew that there was something going on he didn't know about yet. He asked lord Kudo if there was a room in the house he could use for talking in private with his group and Shiro showed him one he could use.

Sakura was watching Mai and Etsuko talking to each other. Mai was already sleepy. Sakura had a small smile on her face when she realised this. It had been a had day for Mai with all the excitement. But when she remembered what had happened, her expression got cold once again. There was no time for daydreaming. She heard steps behind her.

"Sakura. I need to talk to you and the others." Kakashi turned around after Sakura had nodded. She followed him into a room of lord Kudo's house, Sasuke and Naruto were already there.

Two minutes later Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi were gathered in the small room, everyone except Kakashi sitting on the floor or on chairs. All of them had a serious expression on their faces.

"What are you trying to say?" Naruto asked loudly. Sakura was the one who had spoken before him and who he had addressed his question to.

"I try to say that it was like they weren't after lord Kudo...but after _us_."

--------------------------------

Well, end of chapter. I don't know when I will be able to update since I am still pretty sick and sitting in front of the computer for 20 minutes is already hard work right now, let alone concentrate... but I will update. And where are my reviews? ;) I gradually get better whenever I read one...


	9. Chapter 9

Hey there, I am back and here's the next chapter. I am still sick and that is not gonna change for a while but I found a way to continue to write my story anyway. Read and enjoy...and review! (I kinda begged for reviews the last time and suddenly I got more... maybe I should do that more often, it seems to help g since I always like to hear people's opinions on my work cause they make me continue writing... begging for honest but fair reviews) ;)

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9. It is all haywire

"I try to say that it was like they weren't after lord Kudo...but after _us_." Sakura said into the silence. She was sitting on the floor cross-legged. Naruto and Sasuke were sitting on chairs while Kakashi was leaning against the wall, his arms folded.

"How can you say that? Sure, they were attacking us! After all, we guarded the carriage." Naruto answered hot tempered after some moments of silence.

"Naruto!" Kakashi said calmly. He turned his head to Sakura.

"Go on, Sakura." Sakura nodded.

"One of the most important rules for a shinobi is to conceal his presence and hide. Even genins know that." Sakura said, but added something to it.

"Well, most do anyway." She looked to Naruto and grinned, but it wasn't a nice grin. Naruto knew exactly what she was hinting at. At the very first day of training with Kakashi he had used his 'bell test' where he wanted to test their skills. After they started, Sasuke and Sakura had hidden themselves like they were supposed to, but as always Naruto surprised everyone, ignoring every tactical know-how he should have had. Naruto jumped up from his chair, his fist pointed at her, his face angry. Sakura still grinned.

Kakashi had already sensed the change in Sakura after the attack. Her behaviour was once again totally cold towards Naruto and Sasuke. She used every opportunity to provoke Naruto. He was already starting to scream at Sakura, but fortunately Kakashi was able to interrupt him.

"Naruto! Don't. You can kill each other later, but right now I want to hear what Sakura has to say. Sakura. Stop it." Naruto once again sat down, his gaze on her and his arms folded. Sakura looked challenging to Kakashi, but diverted her attention from him to the opposite wall. Kakashi could've sworn that he saw a trace of regret in her eyes, but it was hard to tell due to the coldness in them.

"However, those ninja did both of that very poorly. No jounin in his right senses would attack from the open and reveal himself to his enemy. But they did and I suppose they were jounin-level. They didn't even tried to hide themselves. That's only the first thing. Before I fought the one who ran away - what he didn't really do cause he was playing with me - he said something. He said: 'They sent you and this pathetic team of yours after we wrote that letter? Damn, what is Konoha thinking, hm? I thought they would send someone strong here after all.' That sounded like they expected someone to be with lord Kudo, but stronger ninja. Obviously he wasn't aware that not all jounin from Konoha are wearing the 'normal' attire. He thought we were genin or chuunin. But why would he be interested in that when he wants to attack a person we are trying to protect? That doesn't make any sense. And the other thing is... he knew that there already were other ninja with lord Kudo otherwise he wouldn't have said that. Tsunade sent us here after the letter arrived. It seems that it was their intention that more or stronger ninja would be sent here after they wrote that letter." Sakura paused briefly. She looked to Kakashi again, his face stoic. But she was able to see that he already came to the same conclusion like her. But there was more she had to say.

"Attacking in this area and the _way_ they did was pure suicide. If they had intended to attack the carriage, they would have done that in an area where we would have had to fight close to the carriage and not in an area where we and them were able to spread out unless... they were after us and not the carriage." Sakura finished to explain her point of view. Before Kakashi had any chance of a comment, Sasuke cut in.

"You said that it was pure suicide -which it was- but..why would anyone do that? Even if they thought we were genin the three Kakashi and I fought never made an attempt to run away after they realised we were stronger than them. Why? That's not logical. Unless... they didn't care if they died or lived." Kakashi nodded to both of them.

"You are both right about what you said and I agree. I will inform Tsunade about it. We will stay here until I get other instructions from her. Maybe we are able to gather some informations if we stay here." Kakashi said.

"Sasuke, Naruto could you search Etsuko or Shiro and tell them that we will be staying for the time being?" They nodded and walked out of the room silently. Kakashi stayed, leaning relaxed against the wall. He was looking straight ahead. Sakura was turning to the door...

"Sakura!" Kakashi called out to her, calmly. She stopped, her back facing him. She turned her head until he saw the profile of her face, black bangs covering her eye.

"Don't do something like that again. I think I don't need to tell you what will happen if you do." That was all he said. Without answering anything, she turned her head and walked out of the room.

_"Dammit. Why did you do that?"_

_I was tempted to say that to him..._

_"Hell, it would have been funny if you had smiled warmly to him, but you grinned like evil! You really think they will respect you if you keep on doing things like that? Especially... well, let me think... Kakashi?"_

_Oh shut up!_

But deep inside, far beyond the knowledge of her inner self, Sakura began to fear herself. She had no clue why she did what she did. Hell, they would never accept her or even... The thought slipped her mind when she felt a horrible headache rising in the depths of her head, the throbbing pain on the sides of her temples already affecting her.

_Great. _Really_ great! What have I done to deserve this?_

_"Well..."_

_Don't you dare lecturing me! You will make it worse! So shut the hell up..._

--------------------

Naruto and Sasuke were walking side by side through the little village after they had a short talk with Kakashi about their next plans. In a quiet moment without Naruto listening, Kakashi had told Sasuke to take Naruto for a walk in order for him to calm down. Sasuke sighed.

_Calm Naruto down? What was Kakashi thinking? When Naruto is in such a mood, there's only one person able to calm him down and that person certainly is _not_ me. Damn, I am not Hinata._

"What is this all about? Why is Sakura suddenly mean again? She was relatively normal the whole time, at least she wasn't mean!" Naruto murmured at Sakura's behaviour. Sasuke knew that Naruto was not just angry, but also hurt deeply. Again.

"Naruto! Calm down. She just wanted to provoke you." Sasuke tried to reason him.

"Oh yeah?! You think?! Well it's working! And what's wrong with Kakashi?! He was holding me back, damit! He has no right to do that, not with Sakura talking about me like that and mocking me!" Naruto continued to grumble loudly while Sasuke's patience grew thin. Sasuke stopped walking and with a deep breath, he tackled Naruto and pushed him against the wall of a near building. Naruto was too shocked to do something and just grew silent.

"Naruto! He has every right to do that. Sakura was just playing with you! Didn't you hear what she said? That guy called her pathetic and I guess she didn't like to hear that. Maybe that snapped her out of her _'nice'_ mood. That's the reason why she is trying to provoke you now. Don't listen to it. Besides, I think if you want the old Sakura back, you have to trust Kakashi with this. He brought me back to my senses too and I think, whatever Tsunade-sama and Kakashi planned, it's working but it needs time and Sakura having a fight with you would certainly _not_ be helpful." When Sasuke saw that Naruto understood and was calm again, he released him from his grip and stepped back. Naruto stood there, still leaning against the wall, his shoulders hanging down.

"Do you really think she will be back and be herself?" Naruto asked with doubt, but he knew that even Sasuke was just hoping that the answer he gave him was true.

"I hope so. If not..." He never finished his answer, because both knew what would happen. Sakura would became dangerous -of course she already was- but without any control over her, she would be much more dangerous for Konoha than Sasuke had ever been. He always had a goal to achieve and everyone knew that he would work on reaching it, but Sakura had none. What would she do if she wasn't needed -or welcomed- in Konoha anymore? Both Naruto and Sasuke continued to walk in silence, both thinking about Sakura, hoping that she would come to her senses sooner or later.

---------------------------------

One week later, they were still staying with lord Kudo, but not mainly for protecting him, but to find informations -which they hadn't. The whole week, Sakura separated herself from the others whenever she had the chance to. Most of the times she sat outside thinking, staring into the distance with once again cold eyes. The other times she would train and try to enhance some of her taijutsu moves. She hardly spoke to anyone and did only if she had to. Whenever someone actually tried it she would be rude, snubbing and sometimes horrid.

Flashback:

Sakura sat in the garden cross-legged, her eyes closed and her back facing the warming sun. Her head was bowed and her eyes were shielded by her long black bangs and her hair hanging loose over her back. Sasuke sighed. Against better judgement, he wanted to try and talk to Sakura. He jumped down from the veranda and approached her slowly, his hands inside the pockets of his trousers. Sakura felt his presence and opened her eyes when he stopped behind her. He cleared his throat.

"Sakura, I..." He started with his normal voice, but was interrupted by Sakura's cold and unforgiving one.

"Don't, Sasuke. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone. Just leave me alone."

"But Sakura, maybe I can..."

"Help me? Help me with what?" She chuckled evilly. "You think you went through what I am going through right now before you left Konoha and left me behind?" She turned her head in his direction. "Well, let me tell you something." She raised her head and he was able to see her eyes which had an evil expression in them. If Sasuke had not been used to eyes like hers, he would have jerked a little. "I don't care if you want to help me or kill me or do something else. I really don't care anymore. But I am not going through what _you_ went through. You can't compare me with you. _Cause I am not you_." She emphasised her last words, spat them out at him disgustedly while she turned her head again.

End Flashback

After this conversation, Sasuke stayed away from her like everyone else.

Yesterday, they had escorted lord Kudo back. Tomorrow, early in the morning, they would go back to Konoha since they were sure now that lord Kudo wasn't in any danger anymore. Sakura was looking forward to leave. She had been able to avoid everyone, but today it was especially hard to avoid Mai. It seemed that she was following her around. Sakura was walking down a corridor, hoping that the day would be over soon.

"Sakura!" She heard a little high voice from behind. Sakura stopped and distorted her face in annoyance. She knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

_Damn. I don't want this._

"Sakura!" Mai caught up with her and continued to run until she stood in front of Sakura. She had a big smile on her face.

"Sakura, could you come with me to Saki, plleeaassee? I want you to meet her and Etsuko has no time." Mai asked with her pleading voice and with her puppy dog eyes. Sakura had problems breathing and it felt like her stomach turned and twisted inside her abdomen.

"I... I can't Mai. I have no time for it. Maybe you could ask someone else?" Sakura tried to sound nice and reassuringly, but there still was a trace of coldness audible in her voice. Today of all days Mai wasn't overhearing 'bad' tones in Sakura's voice and her face became sad and hurt right away, tears forming in her eyes.

"Why are you so mean to me?!" Tears started to flow down her cheeks, she turned around and ran away. Sakura made a motion as to hold her back with her right hand, but it was already too late.

"Mai... Because I don't have the strength to deal with you right now..." Sakura replied gentle, but Mai couldn't hear it anymore. Sakura's face showed the pain she felt right now. She never wanted to let Mai down or to hurt her, but she had.

"Sakura?" The voice was calm and gentle. Sakura turned her head in surprise to the source of the voice, taking in a deep breath when she realised who it was. It was Etsuko. Sakura swallowed, and tried to smile. Etsuko had a look of sympathy on her face and a reassuringly smile on her face.

"You heard...?" Sakura was unsure what to do or say to the elderly woman, so she asked the first thing that came to her mind.

"Yes, I did." Etsuko approached Sakura and stopped right in front of her.

"I am so... " Sakura started, the confusion and regret she felt audible in her voice and visible in her face.

"You don't have to apologise. I am old, but I can still see and hear more things than others do especially when it comes to people interact with each other... I don't know what painful things happened to you in the past and right now and for the things I am going tell you it doesn't matter." Etsuko made a little pause, searching for resistance inside Sakura's face, but there was none and she continued.

"Let me give you some advice. If you use it, is up to you... The people we meet in our life and we surround ourselves and share a close friendship with show us who we really are deep inside. They influence us with everything they do, or don't do, say or chose to conceal. They influence our own actions, the way we think and most importantly... they influence the way we live. Having no friends or I might better say..._choosing_ not to have some is like being nothing. Without them... we are nothing, cause who will see what we do? How we live our life. Who would care what our life is like? Who would share it with us, if not friends? I don't think you want to be nothing. At least I hope, because I think you are special once you accept it that you are." Etsuko finished, stepped closer to Sakura and laid a hand on her shoulder. She squeezed it reassuringly and walked by Sakura. But before she left Sakura, she turned her head once more.

"And don't worry about Mai. I will talk to her. I am sure she will understand and hold no grudge towards you. Cause she likes you. As a friend." Sakura was still paralized from the things Etsuko had told her and when she startled out of it, Etsuko was gone. She took in a deep breath and tried to take in everything Etsuko said.

_She is right, but I don't have the strength for that now._

_"You have the strength..."_

_No. I don't._

_----------------------------_

The next day, they returned to Konoha by afternoon. The night and the day had been torture for Sakura. She was confused, hurt and emotions and memories rushed through her head, uncontrollable emotions and memories which she tried hard to hold back but couldn't. She avoided to talk to the other three, stayed away from them the whole day. She was just glad that when they finally reached Konoha, she would be able to be completely alone, left alone to try and sort this whole mess out. Alone. That's what Sakura wanted to be right now. She sighed when she saw the village appearing in the distance and she hurried to get to it. Nobody paid attention to her behaviour now, because Naruto had quickened his pace too to get to Hinata faster.

When Sakura walked through the entrance gate, she closed her eyes for a short moment, taking in a deep breath. She was so close to being alone, being able to think about everything that happened the last weeks. Kakashi and the others approached from behind.

"I will go and report to Tsunade that we are back. You take off for the rest of the day." Kakashi said lazily, one of his perverted books already in his hand. Naruto moved to Kakashi's side and was obviously talking to him about something. Sasuke just nodded and took off. Sakura wanted to do the same when she heard someone call her name from the distance. She cringed mentally.

_No. No please. This is not... I can't.. I don't want to hurt..._

"Sakura! You are back!" Sakura hadn't paid any attention to her surroundings and wanted to smack herself on the head for it now. In front of her was Hinata, smiling. She hadn't changed much since Sakura had seen her the last time. Her hair was a little longer and there was something in her eyes that hadn't been there one year ago, but Sakura wasn't able to tell what it was. And right now she didn't care. She just couldn't care.

"Hinata, I..." Sakura answered uneasy and unsure what to say. She searched for Naruto with her eyes, nearly panicking. And when the panic rushed over her, fought her down, she did what she had done the whole year to protect herself from her own feelings. She became cold.

"Hinata, I have no time for you right now, okay? I have more important things to do than to talk to _you_." Sakura walked by Hinata, trying not to think about her anymore.

Hinata had tears in her eyes when she saw the agony inside Sakura's eyes moments before they went cold. Before she could say anything, she felt Naruto rushing to her side, one hand protectively wrapping around her.

"Sakura! Stay away from her!" Naruto yelled at Sakura in anger after he saw the tears and hurt inside Hinata's pale white eyes, his hand still around Hinata's waist. Sakura didn't turn around, but what she said made him forget everything Kakashi had told him.

"I don't want to come near her, so you can stop yelling, Naruto. I don't care about her the same way I don't care about you." Sakura said, her voice cold and void of any emotions she felt inside. Naruto loosened his grip on Hinata, his face distorted in anger. His blue eyes changed to red one, the whiskers on his cheeks amplified and his canines grew longer. He tried to charge at Sakura, but out of nowhere, Kakashi appeared right in front of him.

"Naruto, calm down!" Kakashi yelled at him, but Naruto ignored him and tried to get past his former sensei. Sakura was aware of the tumult she had created behind her, but she didn't bothered about it. She took off, black Sakura petals flowing in the air. Naruto started to struggle against Kakashi's grip even more when he saw Sakura disappearing.

"**Come back**, damit!" Naruto growled, still struggling against Kakashi. Naruto stopped when he felt arms wrap themselves around him from behind and the thin voice of Hinata calling out his name.

"Naruto-kun." Hinata leaned her right cheek against his back and relaxed, her eyes closed. He changed back to normal, taking in deep breaths, his head slightly bowed and Kakashi standing in front of him.

"I will take care of her, Naruto. Just calm down." Kakashi said silently, his hand reassuringly resting on his shoulder for some seconds before he took off himself. Naruto and Hinata stayed in their embrace for some moments, before Naruto turned around and wrapped his arms around Hinata, pulling her close to his body. She rested her head on his chest.

"I am so sorry, Hinata." He said, his voice low, the deep hurt he felt audible. Hinata just shook her head. She had felt the same hurt they felt inside Sakura and what she could tell, Sakura knew exactly what she had done. Sakura had provoked him by design. But still, it hurt what she had said, even if Hinata knew what Sakura was going through. Hinata looked up into Naruto's face and she couldn't help but she felt the same emotions radiating from him back when he was still in academy. He relaxed more and Hinata pulled back a little, gave him a sweet and light kiss, moved back and took his hand and started to move towards the center of the village. She tugged at his hand a little to signal him to follow her.

"Let's go home, Narut..." She stopped when she saw Ino and Tenten standing at the other side of the street, both looking very angry.

------------------------------

Sakura reappeared just outside her apartment. She was breathing heavily. She leaned with her back against the nearest wall, still shocked about the things she had done and said. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself and fight down the immense pain she felt mentally.

Bang.

She jerked when she heard the impact of a flat hand dashing against the wall just a few centimeters away from her ears. She opened her eyes and looked straight into Kakashi's angry and furious face. He leaned with his hands against the wall, trapping her with his body.

"You will listen to what I have to say and if I have to use my Sharingan to keep you quiet while I talk I will not hesitate to do so." He said with a ferocious voice, breathing heavy.

"I told you not to do something like that again. But what do you do? You go to the next person he cares for. Do you like to torture others and make them feel as horrible as yourself? You enjoy beating up people who are already beaten up and lie on the ground?" Again he let one of his hands dash against the wall to emphasise his words and his voice got dangerously low. "Do you like to destroy the happiness of other people or can't you stand watching other people being happy, while you can't, hm?" Sakura tried to stutter something out, but it made Kakashi even more angry than he already was and once more, his hand dashed against the wall. Sakura jerked. He continued to talk through clenched teeth which made him sound even more dangerous than before and Sakura was shivering mentally.

"I am still talking. I don't care what happened to you in the past how ugly it might have ever been cause right now with what you've done you have lost every right to refer to it in order to explain your actions... Where is the Sakura I respected as a shinobi and liked as a teammate and friend, cause right now you are just pathetic, but I can't bring myself to even pity you. I hope you like what you did today." Kakashi finished, turned around and walked away, leaving Sakura alone. She stayed there for minutes, hours. It was already dark when she walked into her apartment. After she closed the door, she leaned against it and looked to the ceiling emptily. After some moments, she slid down to the ground. She felt like puking, her stomach twisted and turned, she had problems breathing, her throat was narrow and unshed tears stung in her eyes and however hard she tried to cry, she couldn't.

_"Together we will find a way..."_

_Will we? I have lost everything... Why do you let me remember everything? It hurts so much... too much._

_"You know that I want to help you. I always did, even if it doesn't look that way. I just did what you wanted me to do."_

_I know. But I still lost everything because I am so stupid._

_------------------------------------_

Sakura woke up early the next day with a huge headache. She was still lying on the floor by the door and every bone in her body hurt. Her mouth was dry and her eyes hurt like hell too. She got up from the floor with wobbly feet and walked staggeringly to the kitchen and drank a glass of cool water. After that she went to the bathroom, stripped and got into the shower.

_What have I done?_

She finished showering after one minute. She got out and dressed, forgetting the bandages around her forearms completely. After she had dried her hair, she put on most of her equipment. She went to her living room and wanted to walk out the door when she was drawn to a special drawer. She stood there, hesitant to open it. After minutes, she reached out for the handle and opened the drawer. She looked inside. And there it was. She looked at it for minutes before she took it out of the drawer. She walked slowly out of her apartment, her head bowed slightly. There was only one place in Konoha left where she wanted to be right now and where she hoped to be able to find some answers.

--------------------------

Kakashi walked through the village without any certain destination. It was early in the morning but he had not been able to sleep properly anyway. He had his right hand in his pocket and in his left he had one of his books of the 'Icha icha' series. He thought about Sakura and felt somehow guilty. He doubted that yelling at Sakura would help her in any way.

He had had a talk with Tsunade yesterday evening. He had reported back on both, the mission and Sakura. Tsunade was worried and so was he. During their conversation, Tsunade had said one phrase about Sakura he didn't understand. 'Whatever she thinks, I don't blame her for anything. She couldn't have done anything another way.' And when he asked Tsunade, she wouldn't answer him.

He closed his eyes but opened them moments later. He wasn't able to forget the expressions on Sakura's face while he had yelled at her. The pain, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, disgust, fear, despair and regret she was feeling. He sighed.

_Maybe I should go and talk to her... No, not right now. Later. Maybe this was _too_ much for her. I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid._

He knew what Sakura had tried to do. She had provoked Naruto and Sasuke on purpose and had made sure that he was watching every time. She knew that at some point, Kakashi would snap since even his patience would wear off at some point. And he had given in to her, yelling at her and telling her what a dreadful person she was. He had done what she had wanted him to do in the first place, but he was sure that she wasn't aware of it herself.

_She wanted me to yell at her and tell her all the things I told her, but why?_

He changed direction and walked slowly to the training areas... He needed a little peace of mind after all and visiting the cenotaph was going to bring a piece of that back to him.

------------------------

Sakura was standing in front of the cenotaph with her head bowed, her black hair hiding her eyes. Her shoulders hang low. She looked at one name on the stone for half an hour now, emotions and memories rushing through her head.

_Ota Kazuo._

"You were right with what you said." Sakura said into the silence of the morning, her voice calm but sad. It was relatively cold this morning and Sakura welcomed it. This way she knew that she was still alive.

"You were right that I am pathetic. I realized it a long time ago but choose to ignore it." She added after a while. She turned her head to face Kakashi standing not far away from her on the same spot he had been watching her the last time. After some moments she faced the cenotaph again. Kakashi turned around and started to walk away, but when Sakura began to speak again, he stopped.

"I just wanted to get rid of the pain I felt after he died. After they died." Sakura traced the one name with her index finger, while Kakashi turned around again and went a few steps in her direction but she didn't notice. "I never intended to forget all my emotions and memories or suppress them, but everything hurt so much and I was... I was so weak and scared. _He was my life_." Kakashi was able to see every emotion she felt right now rushing over her face. "There are some things nobody knows about, not even Tsunade. I forgot them or at least tried hard to do so. Because it was easier this way and my stupid inner self helped me to get rid of them. I thought I could get strong again when I didn't feel that pain that tore me apart inside." Tears were forming at the rims of her eyes, but she was able to hold them back. Kakashi walked slowly in her direction, but he decided that a little distance between them might be better for Sakura since she was obviously not finished.

"He asked me to marry him, you know?" She looked into Kakashi's direction for one second, but hurried to look away when she saw the rising sympathy in his dark eye. The memory of Kazuo and her rushed through her head and she closed her eyes so she wasn't able to see the shock and realization on his face.

Flashback:

Kazuo and Sakura were cuddled up together on one of the roofs in Konoha, watching the sundown like they often did and enjoyed. They had kissed the whole time, she snuggled against him and they had constantly told each other 'I love you' between taking in breaths before kissing again and at some point, Kazuo had brought out a black velvet box from his trousers. He opened it and Sakura was able to see the silver promise ring in it.

"Will you marry me?" He simply asked. And of course she said yes, hugging him tightly.

End Flashback

"He asked me two weeks before... before he died. I asked him not to tell anybody before I told a special person..." She made a short pause, but Kakashi knew the name of the person already. "... I wanted Naruto to be the first person to know about me and Kazuo so that I got the chance to tell him in person and explain everything to him. Guess that didn't work out well." She said bitterly to herself but sad nonetheless when she thought back to the events. She reached out to a necklace around her neck Kakashi had never seen before. The pendant was a silver ring.

_Her promise ring._

She took in a deep breath, looking at the ring lying heavy in the palm of her right hand, before she continued with a grief-stricken and husky voice.

"There is more to it. I... I was... I was pregnant."


	10. Chapter 10

Here I am again...finally. I am really sorry for taking so long with updating, but my flu got worse again, I had to stay in bed for a while and after I was better I had to do a lot of work for university to catch up with what I missed during classes. But I was able to continue my story this week...enjoy reading the next chapter!

10. What's going on?

"I was pregnant." She said, her voice broken at the end. Tears were now rolling down her cheeks freely and she continued to look at the ring sorrowfully.

"I found it out during the mission. I was already 7 or 8 weeks along." She made a short pause and started again with a bitter chuckle. "You would think that an experienced medic-nin like me would have noticed it earlier and not in the middle of a mission. Guess I wasn't that good in the end... I told Kazuo about it and he was so happy... he told me to... to just back out of the mission... but we both knew that I couldn't do that. I always ask myself if... they all could still be alive... if I had left the mission. I ask myself if... if it was my fault that they died. I had to use chakra to heal myself for wounds I would have never healed if I had not been pregnant. And Kazuo protected me just because of the baby. I had not enough chakra left to heal him... or me... or the baby... I killed the team, I killed him...and our baby!" Sakura started to sob and Kakashi saw that her knees gave away under her weight. But before she could drop to her knees or fall, he hurried to her and caught her in an embrace and preventing her from falling with it. At first, she tried to fend off his embrace while still crying and sobbing, but he just tightened his grip on her until she was leaning her forehead against his chest in defeat, her clenched fists lying on the sides of her head on his chest. She had calmed down a bit, but Kakashi didn't release her. He had no idea how long they stayed that way while he was feeling every emotion she felt, not just the sadness and grief, the unuttered reprovals she made herself go through. Maybe he was able to help her, even if it was just for a little while.

"Does Tsunade know about the baby?" He asked with a calmness he didn't feel inside. At least one person had to be -or better- pretend to be calm in this situation. "I don't know." Sakura responded with a damped voice. She was still leaning against him. "Would she blame you if she knew?" He asked with a gentle and soft voice. He was careful not to show any pity in it since he knew that she didn't want it, especially not from him.

Sakura wasn't surprised to hear this question from him in this situation. She had asked herself this question millions of times, and in the end, the answer was always the same.

"No... No, she wouldn't. I know it in my mind, but my heart... There was no way for me to back out when I found out. We simply had no time to waste and sending a message and waiting for back-up was out of question. So we didn't tell them. More than four people would've died if the mission had gone wrong, but... they would probably be still alive. That's what being a shinobi is about... the mission comes first and nothing except it matters, not even the life of teammates or _your own_. And that's what I've been living like for the past year." Kakashi was still holding her, his hands roaming over her back in a soothingly pattern without even noticing. His eyes were closed and deep inside, he knew exactly what Sakura was talking about. Now the things Tsunade had told him yesterday finally made sense.

"Every time I saw a child I remembered everything... Especially after I saved Mai. I wasn't ready to come back to Konoha, my inner self knew it and so did I. I just forgot everything, it was easy, especially while being away from Konoha. But later, it became harder every time someone mentioned Konoha or something related to it. I started to remember things, little things at first, but it still made me angry cause I started to feel the pain again I believed I was over. And then we got this mission with Mai involved again and I remembered everything. And I mean everything. I just couldn't deal with it, with everything I felt and remembered. I still can't." By now, Sakura had stopped sobbing and she was holding back the tears that still threatened to leave her eyes.

"You were right about most of the things you said yesterday, but there is one thing you were wrong about... I never wanted to hurt anyone and I never wanted to make anyone... _them_ unhappy. I never did it intentionally... I have lost my friends, everything that's important to me. I have lost myself, and it is my own fault." Kakashi released her from his grip when he felt that she needed the space between them. She was pale, her eyes puffy and red. For one second their eyes met and Kakashi gaped in surprise behind his mask without her noticing it. Sakura's eyes had changed their colour slightly. They were still dark, but there was a trace of green in them. Sakura broke the contact first. She was one hell of an image of misery and she knew it. But she didn't care. She turned around and started to walk away.

"You haven't lost everything. I am here, aren't I?" She stopped and turned her head to his direction after he said this. "Yeah, but why would you stay now that you know what a horrible person I am who can't deal with being a shinobi." Sakura said calmly, lost in her depression.

_I want you to stay and tell me that everything will be okay, like you always did when something went wrong. But how can I do that to you? How can I drag you into this? I don't want to hurt you too._

She turned her head around again and started to walk away, but she stopped when she heard him talking to her again.

"You really think I would walk away?"

_I would never walk away from _you_, Sakura, no matter what you did. But you have to figure that out alone. All I can do is to be there for you right now..._

Kakashi suddenly appeared in front of her. "Don't make me angry again, Sakura. You did what you had to do in order to survive. Believe me, I know how you feel right now and how you felt the last year." He told her calmly. He put his hands back into the pockets of his trousers, remembering a time where he himself felt the same things she felt and went through the same things. "You will get them back to being your friends again if you want them to be. Believe me, you will. It will be hard to gain back their trust and their friendship but you can do it. But right now, you have to sort everything out for yourself. You will have to learn to accept what happened and live with it. Live with _yourself_." Kakashi spoke calmly, looking into her direction the whole time. It broke his heart to see the sadness and hopelessness in her eyes.

_You will have to find the reason again why we are shinobi... why _you_ wanted to be one so badly before all this happened to you, Sakura. And you will have to accept so much more... Not just the things that already happened, but also the things that will happen in the future. I just wish I could help you with everything. But there are some things you will have to do on your own... things I can't help you with. Things I can't change for you no matter how hard I want to change them._

She hid her eyes with her bangs by bowing her head after he had finished. "I know." Sakura said after some moments of silence, her voice low and monotonic.

_But I will have to do it alone... Without anyone around me, otherwise I don't know what I will do. Without _you

With one last sad glance of her eyes in his direction she turned around and walked away from him, leaving him standing near the cenotaph, absorbed in his own thoughts.

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Sakura stood in front of the cenotaph, staring at the name of her dead friends. She didn't know how long already. During the last two weeks she got used to a daily routine, consisting of visiting the cenotaph early in the morning and training until she was barely able to move. She would go home after her tiresome training and go straight on to bed. If she was lucky, she would get some sleep before she woke up from horrible nightmares only a few hours after she went to sleep. But most of the times after going to bed she would lie in her bed, staring at the white and dreary, dark ceiling until she fell asleep out of exhaustion with the same result: Waking up from nightmares. The excessive training and the lack of proper sleep were already bad enough, but Sakura also skipped most of her meals. When the pain in her stomach became unbearable due to hunger, she would eat a little snack or some of the pills ninja took during battles or missions while there was no time to eat. She knew that it wasn't healthy in the long run and that not eating wouldn't help her in this situation, but she couldn't help it.

After she had told Kakashi everything and was back at home on that day, sitting on her sofa, she had realised what was really going on. She was in the exact same situation she had been one year ago in regard to her emotions. But this time she knew she had to cope with it otherwise it would destroy her slowly and completely. Now she had to find out how to deal with everything, but obviously she wasn't very good at it. Sure, she could ask for help, but she wanted -no had- to do it alone since she was afraid what could happen if she didn't. That was also her reason for avoiding other people, especially talking to them as much as she could -even Kakashi. On the other hand, she felt the loneliness crushing her slowly. Whenever she saw a couple or little kids she felt jealousy rushing through her body followed by shame when she realised what she had been thinking. Those contradictions weren't helping her and she was aware of this fact, but she couldn't do anything to prevent it.

Sakura closed her eyes as staring at the names became too painful. She tried to stop the memories she knew would come, tried to control her mind and stop them from coming. But she wasn't able to. Memories of her dead friends rushed through her head. Some were happy, some very random and ordinary, but they all still meant so much to her. And with the memories, the guilt and pain of loosing her friends came.

Her stomach contracted painfully which reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything for the last two days. She opened her eyes again which were filled with tears but she fought them until her eyes were normal again. She gulped and turned around, walking home slowly. She would grab something to eat and head to the training grounds afterwards. Like she had done for some time now.

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Kakashi watched Sakura standing in front of the cenotaph. He had observed her for the last two weeks without her noticing it, following her everywhere she went. He had told Tsunade about his talk with Sakura, but he had left out the details. Sakura was the only one who should tell her about the things she had told him. Tsunade understood what he had tried to tell her: 'Leave her alone for now. Don't push her too far.' He had talked not only to Tsunade during the last two weeks, but also to Naruto, Ino and Tenten. Or at least he had tried to. Naruto and Ino had refused to talk to him completely while Tenten had at least attempted to. But she too had refused to talk to him after she had heard the whole story from Naruto. Hinata had been the only person near to Sakura who still talked to him. And she had promised to try and talk to the others about everything.

Kakashi leaned against a tree trunk, his hands buried inside his pockets. Sakura didn't look too well, he noticed even from the distance. She was pale, she had bags and black stripes under her eyes which indicated him that she wasn't sleeping well. And she wasn't eating well either since she was too thin. He knew that if she continued to walk down the path she was right now, she would never overcome her feelings of grief, guilt, hate and deep pain. The feelings would destroy her this time because this time, she wouldn't run away like she did over one year ago. This time her feelings and emotions would hunt her to a corner in her mind where she wouldn't be able to evade them. They would overwhelm her at one point and if this happened during a dangerous mission she would surely die. The self destructive actions she had showed during the last year were an indication of that. But so far, her will to live had been stronger than the will to die. He had to do everything in his power to keep it at that. And he would, even if Sakura tried to fight against him helping her.

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Sakura was inside the shower, letting the warm water embrace her and relaxing her mind. The necklace with the ring was hanging around her neck, its small weight but strong meaning pulling Sakura's head down. Yesterday had been by far the worst day for a long time and the night had not been any better. After visiting the cenotaph and walking home, she had detected that her refrigerator was empty and so had every shelf and cupboard been. The only thing she found while searching for something to eat were 2 years old cookies with a carpet of green mildews on them which she shoved into the trash can on her way out. She went to the training grounds and forgot about eating completely while doing a harsh training session for her body. It was already getting dark when she tripped over her own feet out of exhaustion and she fell to the ground. She had tried to ease the impact up by bringing her arms in front of her body, but the only result was that her left wrist made a cracking noise and that she landed face first on the ground. After lying there for 5 minutes she got up and examined her wrist without her actual medic knowledge. She knew that she wouldn't be able to use it anyway, so what would be the point in trying? With a sigh of relief she diagnosed that her wrist was sprained and not broken, which wouldn't have been the first time since she had broken her wrists 3 times during the last year, but luckily there had always been a medic nin around to treat it.

With a sigh, she went home and to bed without even caring to take her clothes off. Of course she woke up from a nightmare only 2 hours later and after going back to sleep, she woke up from the worst nightmare she had for almost one year. The worst she could remember anyway. And now she was in the shower, shaking her head about her own stupidity.

_How could I ever have thought that I could make it? I will never make it... I wish there was a way to end all this... End all this agony once and for all._

_"Don't you even think about this! What about your friends? What about yourself?"_

_I don't know._

Sakura sighed and got out of the shower. She reached for the black towels she had placed near the shower. She wrapped the bigger one tightly around her body and used the other one to dry her hair. She walked out of the bathroom absentmindedly, still toweling her hair. She went to her bedroom and put the first clothes on she found which were mainly black like most of her clothes. She bandaged her wrist the best she could. If there was pain later during training, she would have to endure it. There was no way she would quit training today. She once more checked her wrist, hid the necklace under her top and then walked to the livingroom. She wanted to reach for her keys on a little table, but stopped in the middle of the motion. Her hand hovered over the key for some moments, before she turned her head to the sofa. She stared in that direction for several minutes out of surprise and shock without saying a word.

On her sofa was sitting Kakashi, looking down at something he held in his hands. She pulled back her hand that was still hanging in the air over her keys. For another minute she stood there without moving a muscle when Kakashi raised his head slowly and their gazes met. For what seemed like hours but were really just seconds, they looked into each others eyes, hardly breathing and moving. Then Sakura started to lower her eyes and her gaze landed on the paper in his hands. She realised that it was one of the rare photographs she had with her and Kazuo on it during one of their happy moments together. The pain slashed through her heart like no katana or jutsu ever could.

"Where did you get that?" She asked, her gaze hard and unforgiving, her whole body tense while staring at the photo. The last time she had seen it was on the day Kazuo had died. And Kazuo had been the one to have it. After one minute of silence, Kakashi stood up, and with one last glance at the photo, he stretched the hand with the photo in it out.

"Tsunade gave it to me some days ago. She thought you might want to have it back. It was one of the things which were brought back but Tsunade didn't have a chance to give it to you earlier." Kakashi said, his voice neutral. Sakura struggled to take the two steps she needed to go in order to reach the photo in his hand, but after some time, she went into his direction and took it. She didn't look at it though. She went to one of her lockers, opened the door, tossed the photo inside without caring where it landed and closed the door as fast as she could. She turned to face Kakashi again who was still standing near the sofa. She breathed heavy.

"What are you doing here?" She asked angry. Kakashi looked dumbfounded at her - or better played.

"Giving you back what belongs to you?" He asked back innocently.

"I got that. Then let me rephrase my question... What are you doing in my apartment and how the hell did you get in here?"

"Well, I..." He started to answer with his typical 'I have a good excuse and I will make you believe it' look on his face when Sakura thought of something and interrupted him. "How long have you been here? Did you...?" She stopped in the middle of the sentence starting to get angry. "You didn't peep on me while I was in the shower, did you?" Sakura asked, the anger audible in her voice.

Kakashi started to shake his head frantically with his 'I didn't do anything' movements of his hands. "Of course not. I have been here for some minutes, before you left your bedroom, fully dressed of course." Kakashi hurried to add. Sakura narrowed her eyes, but relaxed after some moments, because somehow, she believed him.

"I had some time to search through your kitchen though. You know that you don't have _anything_ to eat in there, don't you?" Kakashi said, pointing to her kitchen area when Sakura started to turn to her frontdoor, but she stopped in the middle of the movement, turning her head in his direction again.

"You did _what_?" Sakura asked in shock. "I searched through..." Kakashi started, but was once more interrupted by Sakura. "I _heard_ you the first time. What gives you the right to do that? You break into my apartment and then... You wanted a damn free meal? You are bothering me because of _that_?" Sakura asked him with an unusual expression on her face which asked him if he went insane.

"No, no, I just..." Kakashi started with his excuses once again. Sakura sighed. "I don't want to hear it." She fully turned to her door, took her keys and went out of her apartment. After some minutes of walking she felt him walking by her side.

"You shut the door behind you, I hope." She said while still walking, her gaze on the street ahead. "Of course. I don't want to get into troubles with the owner of the food-less apartment." He joked, smirking behind his mask. So far, his plan to surprise and then distract Sakura at least a little had worked out since she had reacted as predicted. Sakura sighed in defeat.

"Will you disappear into thin air like you normally do if I treat you to breakfast?" She asked, sounding annoyed. Kakashi's grin behind his mask got wider. "Sure." Was the only thing he said. Sakura changed direction to a near café she knew was open early. This day was far worse than she had thought it would be.

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Sakura was sitting on the ground under the shadow of a tree, shielding her from the sun on that beautiful day. She felt relaxed and calm like she hadn't for a long time. Kakashi was sitting near her, but not too near. He seemed relaxed, like always. After they had finished breakfast – which Kakashi had paid for – they went to the cenotaph together, both thinking about beloved friends they had lost. Sakura hadn't complained about him going with her. In fact, she liked it. This way she was able to silently share some of the pain, even if she didn't realize it at that moment. When she finished, she turned to the treeline near them and walked to the trees and sat down on the dry ground. Kakashi had followed moments later. And now, they were silently staring into the distance like they had on the previous mission during their watches.

"Where are Naruto and Sasuke? Don't you have to train with them or something?" Sakura asked after minutes of silence.

"Naruto has business to attend to and Sasuke is training with the team he will take his chuunin exam with." Kakashi replied calmly. He didn't want to destroy the relaxing atmosphere Sakura was in at the moment. He knew that Sakura was relaxed and calm right now because he knew the secrets she tried to hide from everybody else – because she was ashamed of them. She would learn how to deal with that in the future, Kakashi was sure about that. But right now, he had to show her that she would get help whenever she needed it.

"What happened to your wrist?" He had noticed the bandage around her wrist the moment she had walked into her living room, but he hadn't asked what happened until know. Of course he knew what happened, but he wanted her to tell him.

"I wasn't paying attention, I stumbled over my own feet and I fell. Nothing big, really." She said, blushing a little and feeling embarrassed. She, stumbling over her own feet? That was a no go.

_Shit. Why did I tell him?_

"Well, happens to me all the time." Kakashi said, not even showing if he felt uncomfortable telling her this.

"No it doesn't. I've never seen you stumble over something – anything." Sakura answered, looking up to the branches above her.

_Unlike me. Whenever it gets hard, I struggle to continue._

"You know, you don't have to lie to me to make me feel better." Sakura added. Kakashi chuckled a little behind his mask before he answered. "Well, you caught me." He knew which way Sakura's thoughts went and he had to stop them right away. In order to do that, he had learned, he needed to do something that took Sakura by surprise.

Kakashi stood up. "You want to do some light training?" He asked and stretched his right hand out. Sakura looked up at him in surprise and without thinking or questioning her actions, she took his hand after some moments, letting him help her getting up. Maybe this day wasn't that bad after all.

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Weeks passed while Kakashi and Sakura silently developed a daily routine. Kakashi would pick her up in the morning and then they would have breakfast together. During those weeks, Sakura had started to eat regularly again, but not enough to gain back much weight since she still trained like hells fury was after her. Kakashi trained with her most of the time and made sure that she wouldn't hurt herself accidentally or intentionally - of course she wasn't aware of it. Whenever he was able to distract her from her grief, he wouldn't hesitate to do so. She was still having the same thoughts and doubts about herself, but the intensity of them declined slowly. She gradually got better, but she was still far away from thinking in her old ways about herself. She had still nightmares, and she knew that they wouldn't vanish in the near future, but she was able to get a hold of herself when she woke up from them - well, most of the time anyway unless they were really bad ones.

Kakashi did for her what the one year she had been away from Konoha couldn't – he helped her grieving and feeling somewhat normal again. Of course she wasn't, but she was on the best way there without noticing it.

After breakfast, they would go to the cenotaph together and train afterwards. But sometimes, they would sit on the ground, leaning against a tree and just enjoy the presence of each other. Occasionally they even talked about random things, but Kakashi knew that she needed time until she would trust him completely and tell him everything that was on her mind. He had no illusions why she had told him about her pregnancy and the other things weeks ago - she had needed some relief, a person to tell the worst things that had happened to her and he had been the right person in that situation, but now he had to proof to her that he was the right person to talk _whenever_ she needed to and whatever it was about. And this would be hard work for both of them.

Kakshi had talked to Tsunade about Sakura and her small progress and she had once more agreed to his request to let him take care of her. But she also made clear to him that Sakura would have to do missions soon. The chuunin exam was near and the delicate security situation would require every ninja to be on duty – even Sakura, especially since she was still a member of ANBU.

Maybe Sakura had started to act relatively normal around him again but that didn't mean that she would around others. He knew that due to the fact that she still avoided being near other people whenever she had the chance to. And he knew that nobody, not even him, could force her to work within and with a team if she wasn't ready for that. Which she apparently wasn't. Tsunade realised that too during their conversation and assured Kakashi that she would find a suitable assignment for Sakura.

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The chuunin exams would take place in 4 days. The tension within Konoha was already tangible which wasn't surprising. After all, years ago Orochimaru had killed the third hokage during a chuunin exam and had left the village in a sensitive position among the other villages and countries, but it had gained back lots of his old status over the last years due to hard work of its ninja and nobody wanted to loose this again. Kakashi knew that Tsunade would take extra precautions and he expected to be called into her office for a briefing of his assignment soon. He was lost in his thoughts but was interrupted by the door of the café being opened. Opposite to him was sitting Sakura, a steaming cup of tea in her hands. She was absentmindedly staring into it. She too looked up when she felt a person approaching their table. It was Shizune.

"Tsunade-sama requests your presence in her office as soon as possible. Yours too, Sakura-san." Shizune said, bowing her head a little. She turned around and left the café after Kakashi had acknowledged the receipt of the message by nodding his head. Kakashi looked questionably to Sakura who shrugged her shoulders a little to signal him that she didn't mind if they went now. Kakashi had learned a lot about the gestures Sakura used in special situations over the last weeks, so he knew that she wasn't comfortable being called into Tsunade's office, but obviously she knew that she had no other choice. He nodded and got up, reaching in his back porch for some money which he left on the table. Sakura stood up too, leaving the still half full cup on the table and followed Kakashi who was already waiting for her outside. They silently walked to the hokagetower, Kakashi feeling the tension building up inside Sakura due to the fact that she didn't know what to expect. For a short moment, she looked into his direction and he took the chance to smile reassuringly. She smiled back merely noticeable, but the smile never reached her eyes. Kakashi sighed, but didn't say anything. Healing needs time after all. They continued to walk and 15 minutes later, they entered Tsunade's office.

Tsunade was standind near the windows, her back facing Sakura and Kakashi who were standing near the desk. Tsunade sighed before she turned around. Her eyes roamed over Kakashi first and traveled to Sakura, who wasn't looking into her direction but to the floor. She sighed again.

"I think the reason I called both of you here is clear. The chuunin exam is near and the participating villages have agreed to alter the procedure for this year. There will still be the written test and the test in the forest of death, but there won't be one month between this test and the preliminary or main battles. Right now, the normal procedure would cause unnecessary risks for both the village and the participants, since those who reach the main battles would have to stay in Konoha for one month and right now, we can't give any guarantees for the safety of participants from other villages. Depending on the heaviness of injuries of those fighting during the main matches we will start with them one to 5 days after the second exam. That still means a lot of work for us. I have already enough ninja partrolling and guarding the perimeter of the village but I need some ninja operating in the background, capable of concealing their presence and blend in without being noticed, even Konoha ninja." Tsunade explained, the whole time watching for any reaction from Sakura, but there was none.

"I want you two to be present during the chuunin exam, watching for any suspicious occurrences. I want you to be inside the forest of death during the second exam. In there, the teams will be vulnerable to any attacks from the outside. We can't afford to lose ninja there and I have the feeling that there might be something I can't lay my fingers on right now, but..." She stopped and Kakashi was able to tell that Tsunade was confused herself and that she didn't know what she could tell them. But before he could ask her, she continued after she had cleared her throat.

"This assignment requires you two to be independent from other teams and their movements. I can't tell you why I will ask for this at the moment, but I want you to be absolutely silent about the nature of your assignment. Don't tell anyone and you must not be seen inside of Konoha by _anyone_ during this mission. It is crucial that you do as I ask. If anyone asks you what your mission during the exams will be you will say that you won't be in Konoha and that you have a secret mission in the water country. Your mission will start two days from now. Make sure that people see you leaving Konoha and come back, concealing your identity." Tsunade looked into their direction, her eyes piercing. Sakura was looking into the eyes of her shishou, seeing the seriousness in them. She was the one to speak first.

"We will do what you ask for, Tsunade-sama." She said while Kakashi just nodded his head. Tsunade stood there for some moments, her eyes still sharp, searching for any resistance for the instructions which she didn't find. When she was satisfied, she dismissed them with a short and harsh 'Dismissed.' and turned around to face the windows again.

Sakura and Kakashi walked to the training grounds. They made sure that nobody was around them when they broke the silence they had shared since they had left Tsunade's office.

"Something is bothering her. And it is serious." Kakashi said, his voice quiet. Sakura nodded slowly, her face showing that she was lost in thought. "Yeah. I haven't seen her like this for a long time." Sakura added. She looked up and saw a surprised expression on Kakashi's face. She looked at him questionably. "Well, obviously you never really noticed. She has that expression for quiet some time now. About two years, I think. Today it was... scarier though." He said in an explaining tone.

Sakura's face showed, that she understood the hint provided by him. It was because of her that Tsunade had this expression on her face. She had never really paid attention to that, but she would whenever she felt she could deal with it. And she also understood that she wasn't solely responsible for the behaviour Tsunade had shown this morning.

"I see. But something is definitively going on. She wasn't acting normal." Sakura said.

"Maybe because there was no alcohol. And I don't think that Shizune could ever find all hidden sake Tsunade has in storage. So I assume she choose not to drink for several days now." Kakashi said, his tone joking, but his expression was serious and thoughtful. Sakura knew what he was referring to. Tsunade almost never said 'No.' to a drink, unless the current situation was too serious for her liking and she needed to have a clear head. It was nearly impossible that Tsunade had no hidden sake in her office, but as Kakashi had pointed out, there was none right now. And this was definitively strange. So Sakura assumed, that there was something going on and the tingling sensation running down her spine told her that it wouldn't be anything good.

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Well, end of chapter. I hope you like it. I will have to take my time with updating since I have to do a lot of work for my classes, so I say sorry in advance if updating takes some time.


	11. Chapter 11

Well, finished this chapter this weekend. I hope you like it. And as always, review if you liked it or not. I really need some feedback if it's good or not to keep my motivation...

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11. Even little things can harm, big things will if not told

The night was dark, the only source of light were the bright rays of the moon hovering over the tree tops of the forest of death - and the red and yellow light of a carelessly lit fire. Three people were surrounding it, trying to warm their cold hands by the warmth the fire provided.

Sakura sighed silently. She was leaning against a giant tree trunk, sitting on one of the big branches high above the group of genin, observing them. It was the last night of the second exam and this group was the last of Konoha's teams that wasn't finished by now and Sakura had a pretty good idea why. This group took too much risks, the fire was just one of them.

"Who had that brilliant idea with the fire?" A damped voice asked with an incisive tone from her right side. Sakura didn't turn her head into the direction of the voice, since she already knew who it was, even though it had merely been a whisper. "Their leader. He is reckless as always. Is everything alright around here?" She asked back, her own voice damped since the lower part of her face was covered with a black cloth to conceal her face, much like Kakashi's. He had been on a short patrol in the area while she watched over the group alone. "Yeah. Seems like everything is alright around here too." She nodded while he sat down opposite her in an angle which made it still possible for him to observe the three genin beneath them. They stayed silent for some time, before Sakura brought her hands to her mouth to warm them. The nights were unusual cold for this time of the year and unlike the team beneath them, Sakura and Kakashi knew that a fire would be too dangerous and an easy way to find them.

Kakashi noticed Sakura's movements out of the corner of his eye and after a moment of hesitation he reached behind him to his backpack. He wasn't sure if Sakura would take what he was going to give her, but you never knew before you tried. He took a small and light blanket out of it and handed it over to Sakura. She was concentrating on the group and it took her a minute to see the blanket in Kakashi's outstretched hand. She hesitated for seconds, but took it with a small, honest and shy smile, hidden behind her mask. She bowed her head like she wanted to say 'thank you'. Kakashi's visible eye told her that he was smiling too. She took the blanket and wrapped it around her. She sighed as the warmth enveloped her in an instant. Moments later, their gazes traveled back to the three people beneath them. The girl seemed to be asleep and one of the boys looked drowsy too. The other didn't look better either. Sakura sighed again. This was not the time for them to be this reckless and letting their guard down. It was true that they had obtained the second scroll they needed to complete this exam, but there were still teams out there who hadn't and searched for weak teams who had. After all, Sakura knew what she was talking about.

"Do you think they will make it to the tower?" Kakashi asked into the night, still looking into the other team's direction. Sakura gave a short humorless laugh. "_If_ they make it to the tower and through the possible, but unlikely preliminary matches, none of those three will become chuunin. Not this year. Maybe in two years. They have good jutsu and combat knowledge and strategic thinking and they work as a team, but they are too careless and I don't think that will change quickly."

"Ah, you're right." Kakashi looked up to the moon, his face thoughtful. They had secretly accompanied all teams from Konoha except Sasuke's, since Kakashi and Sakura had agreed that his team was the only one that would not need any protection, even if there was happening anything unusual. So far there had not been any occurrences Tsunade was worried about, but who knew? Kakashi sighed. He looked over to Sakura and smiled behind his mask. Sakura was sleeping, her breathing shallow and calm. He knew that even though she was sleeping, she didn't let her guard down. That was one of the many differences between genin, chuunin and jounin. Even during sleep most jounin were able to conceal their presence if they wanted. His smile got wider. He would let her sleep until the genin made their move. She would be angry when she woke up, but somehow he liked it when she was.

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Sakura was standing on the roof above the grandstands at the arena where the main matches of the chuunin exam would take place in, her arms folded in front of her body. Her long black hair was freely flowing over her back in the soft wind, bangs hiding the right side of her face. Crouching at her side was Kakashi, clad in black clothes. His silver hair was completely hidden under the hood of his sweater. He also used his hood to hide the fact that he was wearing an eye patch over his left eye instead of his forehead protector. Both were sure that nobody would recognize them from the distance, since the clothes they wore were unusual for ninja from Konoha and especially for them. Sakura wore a black halter top which was connected with the black scarf she used to hide the lower half of her face, thin black trousers that went down to her knees and a long black skirt with slits on the right and left side. She had bandaged her forearms to the middle of her upper arms with black bandages. Kakashi had asked her two days ago with a joking tone why she always bandaged her arms, but she had refused to tell him and he had dropped the subject.

"Kakashi." Sakura said silently into the silence and without looking up, he answered. "Yeah. I feel it too." They started to move and seconds later, the shadows under the roof embraced them. Both had felt the faint chakras of people coming close to them fast. They knew that ANBU and jounin were patrolling through Konoha and had the order to conceal their chakra and that they would not be any threat to them, but Tsunade had told them to evade any contact to other ninja, even ninja from Konoha. Until now, this task had been easy but today, they had to be extra careful. Minutes passed, but nothing happened and both sighed in unison. It seemed they were lucky today. They had planned in advance where they would stay during the matches if everything went smoothly and now, they proceeded slowly and unsuspiciously to the grandstand with the best view for them behind the last row. There were enough shadows to hide in, but at the same time it had the best perspective to observe the whole scene.

The rows were already filled with people chattering and cheering. Tsunade was sitting with the Kazekage - Gaara - on a separate grandstand with five jounin surrounding them. Sakura recognized Kankouro and Temari on Gaara's right side, Neji, Shikamaru and Lee were the other three.

Tsunade stood up and began a short speech, but Sakura wasn't paying attention to her but to the eight figures standing in the middle of the arena. None of the last teams members they had observed was there. As Sakura had predicted, they didn't even make it to the tower with their scrolls. They had walked right into a - rather obvious - trap and had lost both scrolls. This year, much to her surprise, there had been preliminary matches which was the first time since 4 years. Only four out of 12 Konoha genin made it into the main matches. The other four consisted of three Suna-genin and one from Kusagakure. A small smile graced her lips behind the mask when her gaze reached one of the figures down there. He had his hands buried inside the pockets of his trousers and his whole body language was saying 'I don't care what is going on here and I would rather be somewhere else'. Of course it was Sasuke. He had pulled his team through the first and second part of the exam, but only one of the other two had managed to get through the preliminary matches.

Sakura closed her eyes and guided her attention to search for unusual chakra signatures. She was sure that Sasuke would be the one to win the main matches if he choose to do so. After all, his skills were not chuunin, but jounin or ANBU level.

"You don't want to see him fight?" Kakashi asked one hour later, his gaze still directed to the arena below them. It was finally Sasuke's turn to fight. "Why should I? I know he will win if he wants to." She said, her eyes still closed. "You think so?" He asked back.

Sakura chuckled quietly. "Why do you always ask questions you already know the answers to, Kakashi?" She asked joking. But before he had the chance to answer, her eyes shot open. There was a faint chakra she recognized. It was the same she had felt before they were attacked on their last mission. Her head shot around to Kakashi, he gave a short nod of his head and moments later, they were already on the way into the direction the chakra came from. They hurried over roofs, constantly closing in on the chakrasignature. They were now in a more industrial area of Konoha which was nearly empty due to the chuunin exam.

They ran around the corner of a street Sakura felt the chakra in. She knew it was a dead end. The moment they rounded the corner, the chakra was gone and from what Sakura saw, the street was empty. In the same instant, cloaked ANBU members appeared at the end of the street. Sakura and Kakashi had to move quickly in order not to be seen. They hurried back to the stadium since there was no point to search for something they were not able to feel and therefore find, and especially not with so many members of ANBU around.

Back in the stadium, hidden in the shadows, Sakura and Kakashi were once again lost in their thoughts while two genin from suna fought each other. It seemed that Sasuke had defeated his first opponent in merely 5 minutes. Well, at least something that went smoothly.

"Who or what the hell was that? There was no way a person could disappear this fast without leaving a trace." Sakura said but she wasn't expecting him to answer. Kakashi stayed silent. The matches continued and nothing else happened. It wasn't surprising that Sasuke won the matches, but Sakura saw that this meant nothing to him when the crowd burst into cheers after his victory. Sakura was looking down to him when Kakashi started to talk to her.

"We have to go." Kakashi said, his head pointing to the exit. Sakura just nodded her head and followed him. They would stay the next day in the forest near Konoha and then pretend to come back from the mission they were supposed to have. Yesterday they had placed backpacks with clothes in a cave few people knew and which they had used as a place to stay over the last night. It wasn't big and surely not comfy, but it served well as a hiding place.

Sakura went to her backpack and took a short black skirt, a black tank top and a mesh shirt out of it. She stood at the end of the little cave, her back to the entrance. She began to take off her scarf and the halter top when she remembered Kakashi being there too.

_He would never look, would he? Well, better save than sorry._

She turned around, but he was already walking out of the cave, his things for changing in his hands. He was waving with his right hand and whistling. Obviously, he knew exactly what she was thinking. Sakura gave a short laugh and continued to change her clothes.

-----------------------

The next day, it was already getting dark, Kakashi and Sakura slowly approached Konoha. Kakashi was reading one of his books he had rejected to leave behind during this mission. Sakura was walking silently at his side, thinking.

"Do you know where Naruto is supposed to be this evening?" She asked suddenly. Kakashi looked up absentmindedly with a 'hm' sound before the question sunk into his brain. The expression on his face changed to a surprised one and Sakura could tell that he was just by seeing his one visible eye and her own expression changed to a confused one. Sure, Sakura had opened up to Kakashi little by little during the last two weeks, her jokes and the occasional little, but real smiles were proof of that. But he never expected her to ask for the whereabouts of Naruto this fast.

_Well, I should have expected it. It's Sakura we are talking about. She was never the one to hesitate when it comes to her friends._

After a second, he pulled himself together and cleared his throat. "No, I don't know but I guess searching Hinata would be a good start to find him." He answered. "Yeah." Sakura said. They had reached the main gate by now and they walked extra slowly in order for the ones on duty at the gate to see them returning.

"Hey, Kakashi! You won't believe this...Sasuke won the chuunin exam!" Kotetsu, one of the two guards at the gate called out to him. Kakashi turned half around and acted surprised. "Ya, really? Well, who would have guessed..." He chuckled a little behind his mask about Kotetsu's confused expression but he kept on walking without saying anything else.

"You know, it's not nice to confuse other people on purpose. It's rude." Sakura commented his actions. "I know, but it is fun." Kakashi said and Sakura was able to see that he was really enjoying this. She shook her head a little about this, but her attention was caught by the hokagetower.

_The sooner we get there, the sooner I can go search for Naruto. I want to talk to him. No. I _have_ to talk to him._

_"You are right about that. Go. Talk to him. Explain everything. He will understand. He is your friend after all."_

She quickened her pace, Kakashi following her.

--------------------------

Five minutes later, they were in Tsunade's office. The hokage was sitting at her desk, her face serious and thoughtful and her whole body language showed the inner conflict she was in. After giving her a short summary of the relatively uneventful mission, Tsunade had just nodded her head and went silent. Minutes passed. Finally, Tsunade elevated her eyes again to look into Sakura's eyes. Something was wrong, Sakura noticed. Tsunade stood up with short and stiff movements. She walked to the windows, but not to enjoy the view. She was able to see her own reflection and the reflection of Sakura and Kakashi inside the window.

"I have a mission for you. It will be... dangerous... and highly unusual... but I have no other choice. I analyzed hundreds of possible moves, but I come to the same conclusion every time. There is no other way." Tsunade saw Sakura tensing up, her hands at her sides forming fists and inwardly, Tsunade cursed herself for doing this to Sakura right now. She stayed silent for one minute. The moment she wanted to continue, she heard a knock on the door. "Come on in!"

The door opened and was closed seconds later from the inside. Sasuke approached Kakashi and Sakura. When he was at the same level as them, he looked questionably to Kakashi who shrugged his shoulders lightly. "Sasuke. Good. This way I don't need to explain everything twice." Tsunade said, her back still facing them. Tsunade sighed and took one deep breath. "I called you three here because I know that I can trust you and that you can take care of yourself." Tsunade turned around while she said that. She sighed again and closed her eyes for one second, before opening them again.

"I received informations from reliable sources which indicate that we have one or multiple unknown spies inside Konoha's borders with access to classified informations such as mission reports, assignments for every kind of missions from D to S-rank and various other sensitive data. It seems that Suna has the same problems. Of course I don't know if other countries have similar problems, but I tend to think so. After evaluating this informations I believe that the person or organization receiving those informations are responsible for the killings during the last months and for various other incidents." Tsunade saw that now Kakashi and Sasuke tensed up too.

"Right now there is no way for me to identify the person or persons responsible for giving out the classified informations... Because I don't know whom I can trust at the moment. Of course I have ninja like you whom I trust, but you and the others are in no position to find out who is responsible... At least not here in Konoha." Tsunade paused for a moment, taking in a deep breath. "So far - I don't want to give out my source - I know that a group of ninja seems to be behind all this. Apparently, members of this group travel around and search for strong missing nins and those ninja with loose bonds to their country through the help of the information they get from the people inside the ninja's countries and try to persuade them to join their group." Tsunade paused again.

_Sakura, please forgive me._

"I want you to pretend to betray Konoha and become missing nins." Tsunade looked into Sakura's direction and froze on the spot when her eyes met Sakura's. They had lost every little glimmer she had seen before, they were again cold and dark as the darkest night.

_Sakura, I am so sorry. _

Tsunade broke their eye contact when Sakura's staring gaze was too much to handle. She turned around to hide the tears forming in her eyes. She cleared her throat and continued.

"Ever since I received these alarming informations I started to plan in advance and now I know that this was the right choice. During the last months, I have changed mission reports and personnel files concerning you three. The informations in them are of course classified, but I have no doubt that the contents were already handed down to the group. The contents of the files and your future behavior during your next mission will lead them to think that you truly betrayed Konoha." Tsunade paused and turned around. Sasuke and Kakashi had a questionably look on their faces, but stayed silent.

"Officially, you will get the mission to deliver important and secret documents to Suna. This will give you three to four days to vanish before we will be informed by Suna that you didn't deliver the package. Suna will give you this head start since only the Kazekage, Kankuro and Temari know about the package and my plan. The time we give you should be enough to cover up your tracks before the hunter-nins I have to send out after you to make things plausible are able to find any trace of you. Since I don't have enough ninja to carry out missions right now anyway I will have a good excuse to call them back if they don't find you within two weeks... As missing-nins you should be able to infiltrate this group, find information about them, their plans and maybe even how they get their informations or from whom." Tsunade ended. The room was silent for minutes. Tsunade saw a certain amount of shock in Sasuke's face and surprise in Kakashi's. Even he didn't know any of this, but now he understood why Tsunade had seemed concerned the whole time. He was afraid what this mission and the things Tsunade said earlier would do to Sakura.

"So when do we start this mission?" Kakashi asked, but he feared her answer.

"I want you to leave in two hours. Gaara took his team back to Suna last night after we healed everyone from the matches, so you wouldn't have been able to catch up with them if you went after them now. I know that this is sudden and that you have no time to prepare yourself for this, but we don't have time to waste now. It could take a while for you to infiltrate the group, let alone gain their complete trust. It seems that they are extremely careful since we were not able to locate any hideouts or even areas were they usually go. We got all the informations we have right now through sheer chance so we don't know how they contact the missing nins so you will have to wait until they find _you_. Hopefully it won't take them long." Tsunade went to her desk and took 3 scrolls.

"These scrolls contain further informations about this mission, everything I found out so far and what I changed inside your reports and personnel files. Get rid of the scrolls after you read it and memorized the details." Kakashi took the three scrolls and turned around after a short nod of his head to signal Tsunade that he understood. But before he could turn around, she stopped him with a motion of her right hand.

"One more thing. Don't tell anyone that you are going on a mission. Let the guards at the gate see you leaving, but don't talk to anyone." Kakashi nodded, turned around and left the office, Sasuke following him. But Sakura stayed were she was, staring into the distance, her eyes cold and bare of any emotion.

"You planned this all along. You called me back to Konoha, knowing all this, didn't you?" Sakura suddenly said, her tone cold. A shiver ran up Tsunade's spine when she heard this. "Sakura, I..." She started, but was interrupted by Sakura. "You used me the whole time. Used my problems to plan for solving yours. I bet you wrote into those reports how pitiful and emotionally unstable I am, didn't you? And I bet you wrote that I have a bad influence on others too to make all this plausible, hm? So Kakashi was my babysitter to look after me... Did you ask him to do it or did he tell you that he had to watch over me... little Sakura could do some bad things after all. You said you trusted me, but your actions say something else. If you trusted us, you would have told us earlier about all this." Tsunade was already afraid of those accusations before she had even started this conversation, but not those words were the thing that made her fear Sakura at this very moment. It was not the hate audible in Sakura's voice and visible in her eyes. It was the quiet _way_ she said it. If Sakura had screamed at her it would have been normal and she would have found a way to talk to her, but Tsunade wasn't able to answer her when Sakura stood in front of her with this look on her face and this calm - and therefore dangerous - tone in her voice.

"I know how important this mission is for Konoha and I will carry it out since it seems that Konoha's existence may depend on the success of this mission... I would never do anything that endangers Konoha. In the end I am a tool for this village's sake, aren't I? But I have to think about whether I will come back here or stay away from Konoha after this mission is finished. Maybe you will have to send hunter-nins after me for real." With that said, Sakura turned around and exited the office, leaving a dumbfounded Tsunade behind.

-------------------

Outside the office, Kakashi and Sasuke, leaning against the wall, heard every word that was said inside and Kakashi's deepest fears became true and he felt like falling into a deep hole without being able to climb out of it. All the time he had spent with Sakura, helping her, the progress she had made so far and the trust that was formed between them was destroyed in one tiny little moment. He knew exactly that Tsunade had no other choice, but right know he felt the urge to destroy something - anything - if it helped Sakura somehow... but there was nothing he could do to make her feel better and she would not be open to any logical reasoning from his side.

"Do you think it is wise to let her go on this mission in the current state she is in?" Sasuke asked and interrupted Kakashi's thoughts. Kakashi saw the irony in it.

"Right now, _anyone_ would believe that she betrayed Konoha _because_ she is in that state." Kakashi answered and Sasuke understood what he meant. Not telling them about all this was dangerous from the start. Of course Tsunade wanted to know more about this and secretly investigated on her own, but maybe this situation with Sakura could have been prevented in the first place if they had known the details earlier. But the damage was already done. Sasuke sighed. Sakura walked down the corridor in the opposite direction, her movements were stiff and short. The last time he had seen her moving like that was the time shortly after she came back.

_Hopefully she won't behave the same way. Don't know if I can stand her provoking me the whole time and stay calm at the same time._

Kakashi cleared his throat, still looking into the direction Sakura had vanished to.

"Let's go and get some things packed. She know when we will leave. And she will be there." He said, his voice scratchy and raucous. This would be a hell of a mission and he had a very, _very_ bad feeling about it.

----------------------------

So, end of this chapter, I hope you like it. I already started with the new chapter, but it will still take me two to three weeks to finish it.


	12. Chapter 12

So, here's the next chapter. Consider it an early christmas gift (if you celebrate it) since I won't be able to update till january or even february. Still: Enjoy this one, and review if you liked it or not.

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12. Nightmares and other problems

Four days after the final matches of the chuunin exams:

"Tsunade wants to talk with me about something. I will talk to you later." Naruto reached over to Hinata, giving her a light, gentle kiss, cupping her face tenderly. Hinata smiled while he took off to meet Tsunade. He was worried. Hinata had had another argument with her father two days ago and was even more quiet than normal. He tried hard to drive that sad look on her face away, but nothing worked. While thinking of a way to cheer her up a bit, he reached Tsunade's office and after knocking, he heard a short "Come in!" from inside.

He stepped inside. Once he saw Tsunade, he knew something was wrong, but he had no time to think about it.

"I am sorry, Naruto, but I have to tell you something you certainly don't want to hear." She started, looking serious. "Naruto, whatever I will tell you now I want you to promise me that you won't do anything stupid." Naruto just nodded. He had a bad feeling about the way she was talking and the way she was looking at him. Sad. _Grieving_.

_Shit. Did something happen to Sasuke or Kakashi?_

"Naruto... I wanted you to be the first to know before I make an official announcement. Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke... they betrayed Konoha. I send them on a mission to Suna with important documents, but they never arrived there. It turns out that they sold those documents to a spy we have been observing for some time now, but I didn't get the information in time."

_I am sorry Naruto. I never wanted to see you hurt again and now_ I _will be the one to hurt you. I am sorry._

Naruto looked shocked. "What?" He whispered and was reminded of the moment Shikamaru told him that Sasuke had left the village. And now, Sakura and _Kakashi _went with him?

"That's not true. Why would they? Why Kakashi? He would never leave the village on his own will and certainly not to _betray_ Konoha!" Naruto called out. "But that he did. Together with Sakura and Sasuke. Calm down Naruto. I will dispatch ANBU, but they are ordered to bring them back alive. _Alive_ Naruto."

"But I have to go after them too!" Naruto started. "No, you won't!! I need you to stay here. I know that they are important to you, like a family. But there is something you need to do right now for yourself. I know that staying here is hard for you, but _Hinata_ needs you right now and here. Hiashi met me yesterday. He is furious, Naruto. He doesn't want Hinata and you to have a relationship. I think you have realised this by now. He is considering to expel her from the Hyuuga-clan. Don't ask me why because I have no idea. I already talked to Neji about this, but he can't help Hinata either." She paused a moment, before she continued. "Please, Naruto. Help her and let me deal with Sakura and the others."

He nodded, but she saw the anger and hurt in his eyes. He didn't realise, but his eyes were a shade of red now. He stomped out of her office with fast steps. Directly to the old training grounds of team 7. And there, he let out his anger and frustration, his hurt and loneliness.

_This can't be happening. This is a nightmare, right. How could they?_

Again, people he considered members of his family had left him. When realisation of this hit, the power of the impact of his fist colliding with a trunk dropped the nearest tree.

Hidden in the shadows of the forest, a shadow himself observed Naruto's reaction. And smiled.

-----------------

It was one of the most beautiful days Sakura had ever seen. The sky was blue and there were no clouds, the birds were chirping peacefully and the rays of the sun warmed her skin, the air smelled nice from the full-blown cherry blossoms on the trees surrounding her.

"Hey, Sakura, that dress looks nice on you!" Sakura looked down on herself and smiled. It was her favourite summer dress, long and white with pink cherry blossoms printed on it. Then she faced the person sitting opposite to her who had commented her dress.

"Yeah, thanks Ino! That skirt doesn't look too bad on you either!" Sakura said cheery with a big smile and her emerald eyes sparkling in the sun. Ino was smiling too, her eyes jingling, obviously flirting with Sasuke who sat in the shadow of a nearby tree.

"Don't you think so too, Sasuke?" Ino asked innocently. Sasuke looked into Ino's direction for some moments before he looked up to the sky with his eyes rolling and his head shaking. "Hn. Whatever." He said with a little smile on his face too.

"Hey, teme! Don't you think Sakura and Ino deserve more than a 'hn'?" Naruto jumped up, but a small and quiet voice calling out his name from his left side caused him to sit down beside the person again. It was Hinata who smiled into his direction before she leaned against him. Sakura watched them, a happy smile on her face, much like Naurto's who lay his hand around Hinata's shoulders and drew her closer to him. Beside them, Neji and Tenten were chuckling about the blush on Hinata's face.

Suddenly, warm hands surrounded Saskura's waist from behind and she turned her head to see who it was. She smiled when she saw the person. He sat down beside her and she snuggled closer to him while he lay his left arm around her shoulders and drew her closer to his body. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her long straight pink hair.

"Hey. Sorry for being late." He whispered, his voice low and well known to her. "No, it's okay." Sakura whispered back. She felt comfortable inside his embrace. Warm. Peaceful. Understood. Content. _Loved_.

She felt a soft breeze flowing through her hair, cooling her face that was warmed by the sun. She watched her friends who were talking, laughing, joking and smiling. They were feeling the same way like she was. She was together with people who she trusted and felt comfortable to be with. Especially the person who held her close to his strong but protective body. She was happy.

"Hey, Sakura! Do you think those clouds will be a problem?" Ino asked, pointing to the sky above her. Sakura looked up. There were grey and dreary clouds, slowly approaching the sun and threatening to hide the light and warmth the sun provided. "No, I hope not." Sakura said, still smiling. But her smile faded when cherry blossoms started to float down to the floor from a strong blast of wind.

"Why did you leave us and pushed us away?" Ino was looking down, but when she looked up, her happy face changed to one of pure hatred. Sakura was shocked. She wasn't able to say anything. She blinked with her eyes and suddenly,with a cold gust, Ino was gone. Sakura wanted to stand up and look for her, but she couldn't.

_Ino!!! Don't go! Where are you!? Come back to me!_

She looked around, but the others were talking and laughing, smiling and joking like nothing had happened. Sakura sighed.

_What is happening?_

"Why did you let Ino go? You have no idea how disappointed she is and how hurt." Tenten suddenly said, her face a grimace of anger. Sakura's breath became short. She felt the first, hard raindrops falling down on her head, but she still wasn't able to move or say anything.

_No!! Tenten!! Please...I...!!_

And suddenly, Tenten was gone too. Neji was concentrating his white eyes on her now, staring blankly at her. "I hope you realize what you did to Tenten and the others. And you claim to be their friends. Well, guess friendship isn't important for you anymore." With that said, Neji vanished too.

_Nooo! Please... don't do this to me!_

Sakura felt the cold creeping over her skin. Her pink hair sticked to her head and her clothes sticked to her body from the rain. The raindrops fell heavy down on her and she felt fear getting a hold of her. The only source of warmth was the person holding her in his arms.

"Why did you leave me alone and why didn't you help me when I needed it the most?" Hinata said, still in the embrace of Naruto. Her eyes were empty and her face looked sad.

_Hinata, no! Wait! Please don't go! I need you! Let me explain, please!_

Sakura screamed in her head, but Hinata disappeared when a stream of cherry blossoms blocked Sakura's view. Sakura started to panic. Her eyes traveled quickly from Naruto and Sasuke who were still there. Naruto's head was bowed, Sakura wasn't able to see his eyes since they were hidden in shadows. Sasuke was still sitting in the shadows of the tree, but Sakura could have sworn that the shadows were deeper now, darker. Dangerous.

"You know that you are pathetic, don't you, Sakura?...Yeah, I am sure that you know since you always were. There's no tiny little part of strength inside you. You are week. No wonder why you let all of us down." This was Sasuke's voice, but it was darker and more dangerous than normal. Sakura saw the cursed seal spreading over his body - taking over his body - until he vanished inside the darkness of it.

_Nooooo!!! Sasuke!!_

"Seems like you were not strong enough to hold him back this time too." Sakura looked to Naruto. His eyes were red and he began to transform into the demon fox.

_Naruto!! No! Stop it. You could harm someone!! Even yourself!!_

"You are too week, Sakura. It's your fault that they all disappeared, you know? You were never strong enough to protect your friends from getting hurt or from dying. In fact, you hurt all of your friends yourself, letting them down all the time, never thinking about anyone but yourself. You are pathetic." He prepared himself to jump at her. Sakura prepared herself for the impact, but she wasn't able to close her eyes. When Naruto was supposed to collide with her, he turned into red foam.

_Naruto!!!!!!_

Sakura began to shiver. Everything around her went darker, the wind became colder and sharper. The trees around her were only skeletons, without leafs and blossoms, which lay down on the floor, covering the earth around her. The grass wasn't green anymore, but grey and lifeless. It was silent around her.

Suddenly, the petals on the floor began to whirl around in the air while everything they touched disappeared and left darkness behind. The petals revealed Tsunade before they turned black and vanished too. It was cold. Freezing cold. Sakura stood up, the person behind her stood up too, his hand still around her shoulders.

_Tsunade-sama! Help me! _

Sakura blinked and in the next moment, Tsunade stood in front of her and Sakura felt something very cold near her heart. She looked down. A ninjato - her ninjato, she realized emotionally absent - was piercing her skin.

_Why?! It hurts._

Tsunade's face was contorted with pain. "Now you see what you did to all of us. That's just a small price you could pay for what you did. I thought I could trust you, but obviously...That wasn't enough for you." Sakura felt the edge of her ninjato slip deeper into her body, but not enough to pierce her heart. Sakura wasn't able to move. She was cold, she was shivering and the only thing preventing her from breaking down was the warmth radiating from the person holding her.

But suddenly, even he disappeared. Sakura closed her eyes, breathing shallow in order to endure the pain from the wound and the sudden absence of any kind of warmth. Moments later, Sakura opened her eyes. She stared in shock at the additional person in front of her, his hands on the hilt of the ninjato together with Tsunade's. It was the person who had held her before, who she had trusted the most. And who betrayed her now. "Well, Sakura. That happens when you trust other people. Especially the two of us. You are better off alone." After he had finished, Sakura felt the ninjato being forcefully pushed through her heart. Sakura closed her eyes for a short moment, knowing that she was dying. She was alone, like he said. Floating in the darkness, she suddenly realized who the man was.

_Kakashi._

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Sakura woke up from the nightmare in an instant. She opened her eyes and drew in some deep breaths to calm down her fast beating heart. She was shivering under the light blanket. The air around her was cold and she heard the rhythmic pounding of heavy raindrops on the forest floor. The sound made her drowsy again. She closed her eyes for some moments, forcing her mind to relax. She didn't want to think about the nightmare and what it might meant. In the end, it was clear what the meaning was, but Sakura wanted to forget it. She had to stay focused on this mission and not analysing her nightmares. She had had the nightmares every time she went to sleep since the mission had started. It was the same nightmare every time. Or at least the plot was always the same.

She experienced a happy - normal - situation, together with her friends. Then, one by one, they accused her of not being a good, reliable friend who hurt them and who was weak, who let friends die because she was not strong enough to save them. Then, after everyone except the one person she trusted the most had vanished into darkness, Tsunade appeared. She was always holding Sakura's ninjato and after giving her a little lecture of her own, she would kill her. And Kakashi was always helping her after he had told her not to trust anyone, especially not him.

_Kakashi._

Sakura shook her head a little bit to get his name out of her mind and sat up with the same motion. She looked around and noticed that she was alone.

_Well, there isn't too much room around here anyway._

Sakura thought sarcastically while scanning her surroundings. After traveling for two days without resting they had finally settled down for one night. The rock spur they had found gave them enough shelter from the starting rain and made it possible to start a little fire. Sakura estimated that it was 8 or 9 in the morning, but she wasn't sure since the rain made it impossible to determine what time it was. She wasn't exactly sure where they were either and when she was honest to herself, she didn't want to know. All she knew for sure was that they were somewhere in the land of water.

After leaving Konoha, they traveled to the land of the river, located between the land of fire and wind. There they met with a spy from Kirigakure selling the important and secret documents to him. Sakura was surprised about the current political situation that made this plan possible. Tsunade explained in the mission scroll that it seemed like water was deciding whose side to be on. And it seemed that it wasn't the same as Konoha's. Tsunade knew the whereabouts of this spy for some time now, but until recently, never found him to be a threat to either Konoha nor Suna. But now, he was useful. Tsunade would let him walk away with the genuine information about Konoha and Suna, because whenever those information reached its destination, they would be outdated. Tsunade and Gaara would see to that. Those selling the information would be considered traitors in Konoha. And the information about this treachery would reach the right people. By now, they surely had. After that, they had crossed the borders again. Luckily, they met no ANBU on their way. And now, they were somewhere in the land of water.

Sakura sighed. Three weeks ago, everything she wanted was to try and apologize for her behaviour towards Naruto and all the others. Before that she wanted to be as far away from Konoha as possible.

_Seems like my wishes are granted whenever I don't need my wishes to be granted anymore. Lucky me._

_"You are pitying yourself. Don't. It will make everything worse than it already is. You know that. Accept it. Maybe it will help you understand some things."_

_Yeah. Maybe. Maybe not._

While thinking, Sakura went to the smoldering fire, sitting down near it. There was still some heat emanating from it, but it wasn't enough to warm Sakura up. There was almost nothing that could. Sakura felt cold since they had left Konoha. The only time she felt warmth inside was when she was dreaming. Until everything went bad of course. Sakura sighed, closing her eyes and concentrating on the _feeling_ of warmth on her skin when her hands reached over the fervor, relaxing her mind and body for the first time since they had left.

Sakura's thoughts floated through her head and for the first time for months she didn't put restrictions on them. They traveled to Naruto, Hinata, Ino and everyone else who she had left behind. She felt a deep kind of sadness and sorrow rushing through her when she thought of Hinata's face the last time she had seen her. And while the sorrow and sadness consumed her another picture formed in her head. It was the feeling of understanding and contentment she always dreamt about. The feelings she had when Kakashi helped her back in Konoha after she told him everything. There was some other feeling she wasn't sure about what it was, but she feared she knew. The last time she had felt like this was the first time she had discovered that Kazuo felt more for her than for a normal friend. Sakura fought down a sob and pressed her eyelids together to hold back the tears in her eyes at the thought of Kakashi.

_He has betrayed me, hasn't he? How can I be sure?_

That was how Kakashi found her, sunken down and lost in thought. When he rounded the corner created by the rocks, he saw her figure, her face shielded from his view by her black hair. He stopped for a moment, gulping down the urge to run to her and to take her in his arms, soothing her. But she wouldn't want it. Not now. And certainly not from him. He sighed and went on. He sat down opposite to Sakura, but it seemed to him like she hadn't noticed.

Minutes of silence passed. Of course Sakura had noticed him. How could she not? He was the one person she thought most about after all. Had everything he did before been a lie? Had he pretended to help her in order to calm her down until Tsunade had finished her planning and knew how to use her current condition? Could she have been this wrong about him? And herself by trusting him?

"Did Tsunade ask you to watch over me? Please don't lie." Sakura asked, her voice thin and quiet, traces of desperation in it. It almost seemed like she hadn't directed the question to him, but to herself. Which in fact she had. Inwardly she cursed herself for asking out loud, but she had to know the answer, wanted to know it desperately.

_I want the truth. Lies are the last thing I want to hear now. Especially from you. Please Kakashi._

Kakashi was silent for a moment. Hearing her voice send a piercing pain through his heart. Over the last weeks she had merely said a word, let alone having a conversation with Sasuke or him. She was the loner who trusted no one again, the loner he had tried to free from her self chosen loneliness before everything was destroyed. Again.

He missed the little glimpses of hope and joy, the slightly changing color to dark green of her eyes when he made a joke, he missed the shy smiles on her face when he had offered her his understanding and help whenever she needed it, missed the way she used to talk to him openly about most things troubling her. The only things he saw nowadays were dark, empty eyes full of distrust and the expression of being lost on her pale face during quiet and thoughtful moments.

He understood her desperate urge to know what role he played in this. And everything except the truth was unacceptable, not just for him, but for her too. He realized it the second he heard the question, but he also knew that even the truth was not enough for her. She would still doubt him. It was something he had to live with, but it still pained him.

"Sakura." He said her name quietly, nearly whispering. He waited a moment, but there was no answer, not even a reaction. He said her name once more, louder this time, but she continued to look at the ember. "Sakura, look at me." But again, he got no answer. He got up, walked to her and squatted down to her right and stretched his right hand out, touching her chin lightly. "Sakura, please look at me." Sakura winced, flinched back a little, her head shot around to him and her whole body tensed up. Her eyes were bigger than normal and there was something in her eyes, but he couldn't say what it was. Kakashi cursed himself in his head, trembling mentally, but he had to get her attention for what he would tell her. Again, he touched her chin lightly with the tips of his fingers. And he felt like drowning when her eyes met his. Drowning in the depths of her dark, nearly black eyes, pleading. Even if he wanted to lie to her, now he couldn't.

"Sakura." He whispered. He felt he had to, since loud words would not reach her. "Whatever I did, I did it because I wanted to, not because anyone ordered me to do it. Tsunade had nothing to do with it. I simply asked her not to give me any missions so I could be there for you if you needed me. I swear that this is the truth." While saying this, both of his hands reached out and cupped her chin gently. They stayed like that for minutes, their gazes locked.

Sakura had to hold back tears while staring into his face. She wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him. But there were so many emotions battling inside her that she didn't know if she could trust herself and the feelings she had. For him. Words she wanted to say formed in her mind, but before she was able to say them out loud, she heard footsteps coming near them.

When Sasuke came into view, Sakura parted from her rather intimate position with Kakashi like a child who was caught with her hand in the candybox and got up quickly. Sakura rushed passed him with her head bowed, but nevertheless he saw the one, single tear rolling down her left cheek for the fraction of a second. He was surprised. Maybe the twelve year old Sakura would cry, but not the one here and now. Something deep inside him stirred. He knew what it was for he had felt it often enough. Anger. Sasuke knew that he had caused her pain in the past, caused her to cry and feel lonely, but he would be damned if he let it happen again, no matter who it was. Maybe she believed he wouldn't care for her anymore, but truth was that he did.

"What did you do to her?" He asked Kakashi angrily, wanted to say and ask more. But he stopped when he saw the shaking expression in Kakashi's eye. Everything on Kakashi told Sasuke that he was as shaken as Sakura. Kakashi cleared his throat before answering huskily. "We... We just talked." Sasuke trusted Kakashi enough to know that it was true. Over the last months he had heard what Sakura went through and, although he knew there was more that he didn't know yet, he understood why she was who she was and why she acted like she did. He knew what emotions could do and he imagined that she was full of them, maybe even contradictory ones. Sasuke sighed. She had a long road ahead of her. A road he himself was still walking on.

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Sakura calmed down a little after she had wiped away the tear Sasuke had seen and the ones that came after. She took a deep breath and thought about the things she wanted to tell Kakashi before Sasuke arrived.

_I want to believe him. I really want to. But... There is so much more I want to ask and tell him... No, not now. I need to focus on the mission. I need to. _

_"But don't forget what you wanted to tell him. There will be plenty of time later. Don't forget."_

_How could I?_

Sakura turned around and walked back. She heard what Kakashi said and a sad smile appeared on her face before it faded again.

"It's okay, Sasuke. We should move. Staying one night in one place is dangerous." While saying this, she walked to her backpack and started packing her things and preparing to leave. Whatever Kakashi and Sasuke felt, they gulped down any further comments. She was right. After all, they had a mission and focusing on it was essential for them to survive.

Five minutes later they had cleared the camp and were prepared to leave. The rain stopped slowly, making way for light fog. Sakura thought it was kinda creepy.

"We should head further north, away from Konoha's border. I don't want to stumble on one of their ANBU." Kakashi said, looking questionably into Sakura and Sasuke's faces. "Don't think we will. Not that far north. Besides, I heard in the village I was that they stopped searching for the Konoha traitors 3 days ago. I guess they mean us." Sasuke chuckled a little when he said this. Kakashi just nodded, Sakura stayed silent. Kakashi took that as a yes from her, turned and began to walk into the near forest. Sakura and Sasuke followed him.

Sakura's thoughts drifted away again while walking. But before she could make any sense of them, a tingling sensation went up her spine. She hardly dodged the kunai directed at her. She jumped to her left side and took a kunai out of one of her pouches with the same motion. She used the speed to throw the kunai in the direction the first one came from. She rolled over the forest floor and stopped in a crouching position. Sasuke and Kakashi took fighting stances.

"Not bad. You hit my leg." Sakura looked up and saw a ninja standing on one of the branches above her, pointing with his right hand to a bleeding but shallow gash on his leg.

"What are you talking about? I missed. I aimed for your head." Sakura's voice was cold and distant. She stared at him and he stared back at her. And seconds later, he hit the floor, Kakashi looking down from the branch the other ninja had occupied previously, smiling. The clone Kakashi disappeared into a poof of smoke, while the real Kakashi jumped down from the branch while Sasuke walked over to the ninja.

"You know him?" Sasuke asked, looking to Sakura. "Yeah. High ranking Konoha ANBU. But obviously he's not so good with detecting genjutsu these days." Sasuke chuckled, looking amused to Kakashi who just shrugged his shoulders. Sakura had always been damn good with genjutsu and that had not changed.

"What do we do with him now?" Sasuke looked to Kakashi, but it was Sakura answering him. "He will be unconscious for the next four to six hours. Effect of the genjutsu I used. He is not worth killing. I don't want to have a murder on my record for now, not for someone like him anyway. When he wakes up he will have a hell of a headache. I doubt he will pursue us." Sakura ended and started to walk away, but Sasuke stopped her. "He found us once and..." It was Kakashi who interrupted him. "It's likely that this was a lucky strike. He may have been scouting for Konoha and stumbled on us. I don't think he will follow us. Let's just move for now. If he catches up, we can still kill him." Sakura and Sasuke agreed. With a last glance at the unconscious ninja, Sakura turned around and followed the others.

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"What kind of genjutsu was that, Sakura? I have never seen anything like it." Sasuke asked out of the blue fifteen minutes later. Sakura was taken aback a little since Sasuke had avoided to talk to her for the last weeks. But she was too surprised to care. And without further thinking, she answered.

"It's a genjutsu I developed some time ago myself. I combined some genjutsu into one. You could call it a hypnosis where the target is unable to move as long as I have eye contact. As soon as the target is trapped inside this genjutsu, it has almost no chance of dispelling it." Sakura explained.

"Well, it's handy. But don't try it on me. I don't like headaches." He said, grinning a little. Sakura didn't smile, but the expression in her eyes softened a little. Then her eyes went cold again. And Sasuke knew that they were followed. Obviously, Kakashi had noticed too since he moved closer to them, but not too close to rise suspicion. The three of them exchanged meaningful glances, but acted normally otherwise. Twenty minutes later, they were still followed by someone, but there wasn't any attack. And all three were thinking the same. Maybe the right people had found them.

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Another twenty-five minutes later, Kakashi stopped suddenly. Sasuke and Sakura stopped behind him.

A ninja appeared out of the shadows of a tree nearby, another one emerged from the ground eight meters ahead of them.

"Nice. You noticed us." The one near the tree started, but was cut off by a kunai pointing to his throat. His companion started to move, but a chokuto blocked his path.

"You were hard to miss, actually." Kakashi stayed silent for a moment, observing the scene. Sakura and Sasuke had moved fast. Sakura behind her opponent, Sasuke blocking the other one. Good. Exactly what they planned with their glances. "Now tell me. What should we do with you? You are not from Konoha, so there would be no need to hold back. It wouldn't be murder, would it? What do you say, Sasuke, Sakura? I am tired of being followed. Especially if the ones doing it do it poorly. Very poorly." Sakura and Sasuke both smiled evilly. But before they could do anything, a third person appeared.

"Well, well. Not bad." His face was relaxed and his whole body language expressed that too. "We are not here to fight you." He said, indicating Sakura and Sasuke to lower their weapons with his hands. Both looked to Kakashi who gave a little nod with his head and a short glance into each direction. Sakura lowered her kunai a little, Sasuke lowered his chokuto too, but they didn't put them away. Better save than sorry.

"I see you take no risks. I like that." The ninja pointed out and continued to take in the scene calmly. His view landed on Kakashi. "Then what do you want?" Kakashi asked a little arrogantly. The ninja smiled.

"We want to make an offer."

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So, that's it for this chapter. Hope you liked it. And I wanted to say THANKS to everyone who reads my story and helps me getting better. (And of course thanks to those who review!!)


	13. Chapter 13

Well, here is the next chapter. Thanks to InARealPickle for reading, correcting and improving it!

I am already working on chapter 14, but I really do have to learn for my exams, so I work slower than usual. It's possible that I need till the end of February, but I hope I that I will update sooner. Anyway, enjoy! (And review please if you liked it or not.)

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13. Hideout and new 'acquaintances'

Sakura held her kunai in her hand; ready to fight if need be. She remained calm and took slow modulated breaths. But, she had the feeling that the already misty day had just become foggier.

_Finally. What the hell took them so long finding us?_

"An offer huh?" Kakashi asked amused. He chuckled a little. Just moments later, his expression changed to a dangerous and sinister one.

"What if we don't like your offer?" Kakashi asked while imperceptibly shifting his gaze to his former students. Both Sakura and Sasuke caught his eye and gave a slight nod.

"Well, don't you want to hear the offer first before you try and kill us?" quipped the one in front of Kakashi who appeared to be their leader.

_That one is the biggest threat._

Kakashi wasn't fooled by him. His smile was false and his body language spoke of danger. Kakashi saw this just as he saw the unspoken threat in the other ninja's eyes.

"I'm not in the mood to kill someone today, so consider yourself lucky. I feel rather generous today as well. So what's the offer?" Kakashi asked with his voice once again showing amusement. He heard Sasuke mumble, "I'm in the mood to kill someone and you would make a good target." to the ninja beside him whose eyes widened a bit. Kakashi just loved moments like this one.

"Straight to business I see. I like that." The ninja paused for a second, eyeing Sasuke briefly before he continued. "We know that your village considers all three of you traitors. That means you have nowhere to go without risking capture by hunter-nins from your former village _or_ their allies." His business like voice was smooth and promising. The pause in his little speech was placed strategically, but Sakura destroyed the moment.

"And you want to help us out of the kindness of your heart?" She asked sarcastically. The ninja drew his brows together in annoyance. Obviously, he wasn't the most patient type of guy.

"Not out of the _kindness_ of our heart, no. But we think we can work out a mutual agreement which benefits all of us." He drew in a deep, but calm breath before continuing. "Our..._group_ has a place for you to stay not far from here. You will be safe there no matter who is looking for you. In exchange, we expect you to do... some missions for us and to train other ninja in our care." He ended his little speech, looking self-confident and a little arrogant.

"I left Konoha because I could no longer stand the way they treated us. I didn't leave Konoha just to become someone else's tool! You are not really considering this, are you?" Sakura asked, facing Kakashi. She glared directly into his dark eye. Moments later, he diverted his gaze towards the 'leader'. "Would you give us a second?" He asked politely. The other man smiled. "Of course, take your time."

Kakashi walked over to Sakura, Sasuke following close behind. Once huddled in a close circle, they made eye contact and communicated for about 15 seconds through a series of blinks and eye shifts. The consensus was that so far, everything has worked out exactly the way they planned two weeks ago.

"Sakura, he is right, you know? We can't run forever. I don't trust them either, but for now this is the best option." Kakashi spoke in a voice loud enough for the other three ninja to hear.

"You saw their forehead protectors, didn't you? Two are from Iwagakure! You remember that they are not Konoha-allies, right? At least they weren't the last time I checked. Also, they seem to be missing-nin themselves. That makes them our enemies too!" Sakura sounded angry, but Kakashi just nodded a little and silenced Sakura with a wave of his hand.

"You are right. But the fact that they're missing-nin doesn't automatically mean that they will sell us out to Konoha. Sakura, this could be a chance of getting some rest. Honestly, I think we need it. I don't want you to trust them blindly. Neither will I, but what do we have to lose right now?" Kakashi asked her. The other three ninja were listening intently.

"Ourselves." Sakura whispered, inaudible to everyone except Kakashi and Sasuke. In a louder voice she said, "Nothing." She nodded in Kakashi's direction, who nodded back.

"Well, if you follow us, we will escort you to the hideout." The 'leader' called out to them, turning and taking off into the other direction without looking back. He knew that they would follow. Sakura closed her eyes for a fraction of a second; taking in a deep breath before following Sasuke and Kakashi.

After travelling for hours, they arrived at a rocky coast. The wind was strong and cold and grey clouds hung low in the sky. The wind blew Sakura's long black hair; whipping it around her face. Under her, the wuthering sea clashed against the bluff. While the others made their way down to the water, she hesitated for a moment and swallowed. A memory flashed in her mind. For a moment she welcomed the cold wind because it brought her back to reality. Kakashi and Sasuke were waiting for her, looking blankly in her direction while she approached them. She just shook her head before following the other ninja, walking across the foaming ocean water.

Later, Sakura saw a screen of thick fog in the distance and she had the feeling that it was moving towards them. The three ninja leading the way didn't slow down and went straight into it. As they walked, it seemed like the fog cleared up before them and then closed its curtains behind them again. Thirty minutes later the mist finally cleared away, and suddenly high cliffs came into view. Barely visible, was a small rocky path leading up to the summit.

Upon reaching the top of the cliffs, she discreetly looked around; observing her surroundings. The three ninja led them away from the cliffs and into what seemed like a village. On the way, she noticed the tight security net consisting of several hidden guards and traps along the path. She assumed there were more guards and traps that she didn't see. She made eye contact with Sasuke and Kakashi who signaled to her that they too had noticed.

Upon reaching the village, Sakura was left speechless and surprised. On the outside though, she remained as calm and cold as usual. The village was huge, much bigger than she would have expected. She saw countless two and three story wooden houses; most of them rather new looking. Up ahead, there was also a complex of larger buildings. There were not many people around, but most of those she saw were obviously ninja. On their way down the main street they passed shops selling clothing, groceries and a diverse selection of other goods to meet the needs of the village's ninja.

Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura walked side by side; the other three ninja five meters in front of them. They led the three Konoha nin to a square where a lone ninja stood waiting with his hands clasped behind his back. His hair was short and black like his cold piercing hawk-like eyes. Contrary to his hair and eyes, his clothes were all white. Sakura's gaze landed on his forehead protector.

_Kumogakure. Damn._

The two ninja from Iwagakure stopped in front of the white clad ninja and bowed. They didn't even wait for a reaction from the man in front of them, but took off in the direction of a large building nearby. However, the 'leader' stopped for a moment to bow his head in respect, and then walked over to stand beside the other man.

Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke stopped five meters in front of them; returning their stare. To Sakura, it seemed like an eternity before the first one spoke. It was the man dressed in white. His voice was cold and emotionless as his appearance.

"Well, well... So you are the missing-nin from Konoha. Nice to meet you..." His gaze travelled over Sakura first and seemed pleased with what he saw, then to Kakashi and landed finally on Sasuke. Smirking, he continued. "But where are my manners? My name is Kataki Itamiro. You already met my... assistant." He made a motion with his hand to the man at his side, but he didn't bother to look in his direction. "Takiuchi Masuyo. He will be... your contact whenever I'm not around or..." He paused and turned his head to his right, focusing his whole attention away from the ninja in front of him. The smirk on his face vanished, a frown replacing it. Sakura turned her head in curiosity.

A tall female ninja approached them, a wide and seductive smile on her face. All Sakura could think was that this woman was beautiful. She had long straight lilac colored hair and matching eyes. Her creamy white skin and the dark clothes she wore intensified that first impression of beauty.

She was slim, but even from a distance you could tell that she was a ninja because of the way she moved. Sakura estimated that she was around her age, but wasn't sure about it.

"Itamiro." Her voice was pleasant and sweet, but when her gaze landed on Sasuke, Kakashi and Sakura her smile faded and her eyes went cold. The same happened with Itamiro's eyes, if it was even possible for his eyes to appear more frigid. "You are late," was his only response. He turned his head to Sakura and the others again; no longer paying attention to the lilac haired woman.

Her smile returned and while laying her hand on his right shoulder, she whispered mellifluously into his left ear. "I have a present for you and I had to wrap it up nicely. It took a little longer than expected, but you will find it was worth it."

"We will see later." His voice was icy and Sakura shivered mentally.

Tilting her head, the woman walked to Masuyo. Stopping behind him she ordered, "Go, your services are no longer needed." Her voice was still sweet, but held a dangerous tone in it. Masuyo turned to face the woman and Itamiro, whispered "Itamiro-sama, Akemi-sama," bowed and left to follow the two ninja from Iwagakure.

Itamiro waited until Masuyo was out of sight before he started to speak again. "Masuyo is your contact in case Akemi or I aren't around. She will be the first person you will approach if you have any questions." After a short look and a nod in Akemi's direction, he walked away quickly; heading to the larger complex up the street.

Akemi finally turned her attention to the three waiting ninja; looking them over like she wanted to assess their value. After another uncomfortable minute of silence, she grinned and turned around. "Follow me." She started to walk without even paying attention to whether they followed.

"My name is Akemi in case you haven't realized yet. You are new here and I have the ... pleasure ... of familiarizing you with the rules and to show you around." She paused, greeting a passing girl.

"Whatever I will say next, never forget what I will say NOW." She emphasized the last word. "Itamiro IS the rule. What he says goes. Aside from that," She stopped, turning around to face them. "You must not attack or injure other ninja. Well, that doesn't include training matches of course." She grinned a little and Sakura had the feeling that she wasn't joking around.

_If you kill someone fast enough you can claim that it was a training accident. The other obviously won't be able to argue with that. Damn._

"You are not allowed to leave this _island _unless you have a mission or an order from Itamiro or me to do so. If you break this rule, you will be punished. The penalty _may_ be death. But, there is one rule where the penalty for breaking it _will_ be death. It is prohibited to enter the fenced in buildings over there," She made a motion with her right hand to the big complex of buildings, "unless you have an order, invitation or a written permission." She waited a moment before she turned around again and continued walking. Sakura glanced at Sasuke on her right side who simply raised his brows and shrugged his shoulders.

"Aside from that, you can move around as you wish. There are training areas over there, but you can train anywhere you want if you don't destroy any buildings. We have a canteen over there, but you can cook yourself if you so desire. I hope you noticed the shops on your way here, otherwise I don't know of what use as ninja you could be for us. We have our own money here. You can earn it through doing favors for us if you choose to stay here or ... ha, what am I talking about? The other option is not available for you right now; maybe later. Next to that building is... my bureau. If you need to find me... well or Masuyo, that's the place to look in." While she talked, she pointed to the buildings she was talking about with her hand.

Akemi stopped walking in front of a small two story house; opening the door and stepping inside. She motioned for Sakura and the others to follow her. Once they were inside, she continued talking. "You will live in the same apartment, but I don't think this will be a problem since you know each other..." She didn't wait for a reply or a complaint and all three were wise enough to stay silent. Akemi spoke while climbing the stairs and stopped in front of the only door.

"I will pick you up at 7 a.m. tomorrow. Bring your weapons with you. Oh, and I suggest you stay here for the rest of the day. The others don't know you yet and some of them might... get a little cocky." She started to leave, but stopped again. "If you have any questions... well, I hope you have none since I have no time to waste right now. See you tomorrow then." She took three keys out of a pocket in her long sleeved dress, turned around, and threw the keys to them carelessly while strutting down the stairs.

Kakashi caught them effortlessly.

Sakura finally broke the silence. "What the hell was that?" Sakura asked; completely stumped.

Kakashi handed two of the keys to Sakura and Sasuke while answering, "Well, they didn't kill us. I guess that's a good sign then." He turned to the door and opened it with his key. "And at least the apartment looks clean."

"Yeah, that's great. The apartment is clean. Is that everything you're interested in?" was Sakura's snappy reply.

_Really great. Stuck on an island with murderers and thugs and all _he_ cares about is that the apartment is clean._

_"Well at least you have one... and maybe a bed too."_

_Oh shut up._

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A couple of minutes later Sakura finished unpacking the few things she'd brought; putting her clothes into a drawer near her bed. After a minute of hesitating and thinking, she put two of her kunai under the pillow of her bed and leaned her ninjato beside her bed against the wall. She let her gaze travel through the room.

It wasn't big, but there was no need for it to be. Sakura smirked. After taking a look at the apartment, Sasuke had literally dragged her to this room while mumbling something about 'bathroom' and 'women taking too long'. In fact, her room was the closest one to the bathroom. Sakura was relieved to learn that everyone had their own room. Still, she felt uneasy. Camping outside was one thing. Living in an apartment with two men, even if they were teammates, was something else entirely. With them here, she would not be able to hide the fact that she still had nightmares. Kakashi probably knew, but she wasn't sure about Sasuke. And she had to admit that she wanted it to stay that way. It would be harder to avoid them in here too. But she'd deal with that - somehow.

Since there was nothing more to do, she went through the room to the only window. Heavy raindrops pounded against the glass.

_Rain._

Sakura concentrated on the sound; consciously relaxing her muscles and controlling her breathing. Sometimes it helped to free herself from the tension, but it seemed not to help today. And in addition to that, it left her defenseless. Not just against enemies, but also against herself. As if she had called for it, the sound of the rain pounding against the window triggered a memory. A painful one.

She jerked, hearing vigorous knocks on her door. "Coming!" Her voice sounded breathless, but she didn't care. She opened her door. "Kakashi wants to talk with us." It was Sasuke, standing outside in the narrow hall.

"Yeah"

Sakura followed Sasuke into the small living room. Kakashi was already sitting on one of the three chairs and Sasuke walked over to the sofa; throwing himself onto it comfortably. Sakura decided to sit on the broad windowsill, leaning with her right shoulder against the glass. This way she was still able to see Kakashi and Sasuke.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi asked the somewhat bored looking man.

"Everything's fine. We are not watched or under surveillance." Kakashi just nodded.

"I think this... meeting tomorrow will be a test for us. Whatever it is, we will deal with it the same way we have until now." Sakura was listening to Kakashi's voice while staring out the window.

"Kataki Itamiro. His name is in the bingo book." Sakura said out of the blue, her voice sounding as if she wasn't really paying attention.

"Sakura?" Kakashi asked, surprise audible in his voice. Sakura turned her head to face Kakashi and Sasuke.

"His name was in the bingo book, but he wasn't listed as a cloud ninja. He was listed as a ninja from Kirigakure. He was believed to be dead for ten years now and his name was removed from the bingo book, but I am sure that it's him." Sasuke looked questionably at her and Sakura had the feeling that she had to defend her knowledge. "What? I had a lot of spare time during ANBU missions. I was bored so I read the old bingo books in addition to the new one I had."

"Hn. I wasn't asking."

"Do you remember his profile?" Kakashi asked eagerly.

"No. The page with the actual profile was missing. There was just a small photograph, a short description of his person and a small part of the list of his crimes: Cold blooded murder, assassinations and attacks on native ninja and the list goes on, but there were no information about the jutsu he uses or about special abilities, sorry."

"It's okay. I guess we will have to find out on our own." Kakashi and Sasuke continued talking, but Sakura didn't listen anymore. She continued staring outside, tracing the raindrops running down the glass with her eyes - and trying hard not to think about the incident this morning with Kakashi.

----------------------

It started to get dark outside and Sakura noticed that she was hungry. She got up, looking over to Sasuke and Kakashi. She stopped walking, startled. Sasuke was still sitting on the couch, reading a book ... Icha Icha... Sakura stared at him in absolute surprise. One expected to see Kakashi reading those books, but now Sasuke too? As if she called his name, he lifted his head, smirking. "What? I was bored and Kakashi has enough of those books for the two of us."

Sakura just shook her head and walked to the kitchen. They discovered earlier that the fridge was half full. Sakura hoped now that there was something else in one of the cupboards. Luckily, she found some cookies. She returned to her spot at the window, eating cookies.

"Sakura…" Sakura's head shot around to Kakashi who was standing at her side. "I need to talk to you... about this morning, I..." Sakura gulped down the knot in her throat. Somehow she had anticipated that Kakashi would try to talk with her about this morning - she just hoped it would be later.

"I...I can't, Kakashi..." Her voice was thin and she hated it. But then she looked into his dark eye, and she felt as if she were falling from a cliff.

"It's okay. Take your time, Sakura." Sakura looked around frantically, searching for something that could help her, but of course there was nothing.

_God. What should I do? I..._

"_You can do whatever you want. It's your choice."_

"Where's Sasuke?" She asked. She didn't know where the sudden urge to talk to him came from and for now, she had no desire to know. She just wanted to...hear his voice.

"He said he wanted to enjoy the rain and went up to the roof. Said he needed a little break from reading." Smirking, Kakashi started to walk away, but when he heard her voice again he stopped and turned around.

"Icha Icha? Since when?" Sakura had a small and shy smile on her face, but it was a _smile_. Almost a _real _one. Kakashi just smiled back at her from behind his mask. He was sure that she already noticed it. Maybe she wasn't aware, but with that smile Sakura gave him back some of her trust. He went over to the couch, making himself comfortable while still facing Sakura.

"Like he said, he was bored during missions and he...borrowed one of my books once. Guess he likes them." He said this in a joking tone, but he saw that Sakura's eyes misted again.

"Sakura, I... I saw you hesitating this morning when we were at the cliffs. Do you want to talk about it?" Kakashi was serious again, knowing that she might move back away from him. He couldn't help but notice that she was hesitating a lot these days, and hesitation could kill you. He knew that from experience. He assumed that she was thinking about some of the memories triggered during these last months; not knowing _how_ right he was.

Sakura thought about his question. She was not sure if she was ready to share these memories with him. She didn't know if she trusted him enough yet to do so. While he had looked after her, she'd never told him about her _most_ private memories. It was too painful. She still dealt with Kazuo playing a role in nearly all of them – still alive.

"I... remembered something... but... "Sakura's voice was husky, and the fact that she still battled within herself over whether or not to tell him was not helping. But, he made the decision for her.

"I see. Sakura, you don't need to tell me. I just wanted you to know that... if you want to talk...you can do it whenever you want." He paused for a moment, but before she could answer he started to talk in his joking tone again. And again she smiled, knowing that when she was ready she would talk to him.

"You remember that one time in the river country where we..."

---------------------------------

Sakura woke up shivering, her breathing erratic and her throat dry. She couldn't remember the nightmare and she had the feeling that this was a good thing. She shakily reached over to her nightstand for her glass of water. She took it and sipped the cool and soothing liquid.

_That's pathetic. I am pathetic._

_"You can't blame yourself for having nightmares. Should I... get rid of them like I did before? I don't think it would help you, but..."_

_...No. No, don't. I... I have to outlive them somehow. I don't think that there's a way around it._

_"Good that you see this yourself."_

Sakura got up. Dim early morning light filtered through her window. She didn't hear any movement coming from Kakashi's or Sasuke's rooms, so she decided to use the bathroom first. After a quick shower, she went back to her room. She chose to wear a black halter top, her black trousers and the long black skirt she wore when Kakashi and she observed the chuunin exams. To keep warm, she picked out a short black jacket to wear. Then, like always, she bandaged her arms. While dressing she heard the shower and then someone rummaging through the apartment, doors opening and closing.

She finished dressing and left her room. She found Sasuke, sitting on the table in the kitchen, his raven black and spiky hair still a little wet.

"Morning." Sakura's voice was neutral. Since she felt that she needed a little calmness, she decided there was no point in provoking him this early in the morning and starting an argument. Sasuke looked up, his eyes still a little sleepy.

"You want some?" He pointed to the coffeepot on the table in front of him.

"Who made it?" Sakura questioned warily, knowing that the coffee Sasuke made was - to say the least - horrible. Sasuke just raised his right brow, but then he smirked.

"If I decide to kill us I won't need to use coffee. Kakashi made it of course." Sakura just smirked back, not aware that she did so, and sat down at the table to pour herself a cup of coffee.

---------------------------------

Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi were waiting outside the building at exactly 7 am. Akemi was punctual this time. She approached them with confident steps, a cold grin on her face.

"You are on time. Itamiro will like that." Her voice was as cold as her eyes. Without another word, she turned and motioned with her hand for them to follow her. She led them to a place that looked like an arena. Sakura noticed that surprisingly it _was_ indeed an arena. Again, Itamiro was waiting for them. The brightness of his white clothes stung her eyes. Despite the fact that he wore pure white, he seemed dangerous to her - _very_ dangerous.

"So...you accepted our...invitation to join us here today." He paused, looking into each of their eyes for some moments. Sakura had the feeling that he was ... searching for something. "But before we start, I have a question. For you, actually." His gaze snapped to Kakashi, and stayed there. "Hatake Kakashi." Obviously, Itamiro was trying to hector Kakashi or perhaps to test him. But Kakashi wasn't called a genius for nothing.

"Hn?" He raised his head while making the questioning sound as if he just noticed that there was someone in front of him who was talking to him. He stayed silent after that, looking lazily in Itamiro's direction like he always did in tense situations like this one, observing Itamiro's reaction. But, there was none apart from a short, disapproving grunt.

"I wonder why you are here? Your reputation precedes you, Copy nin. And now I wonder why you choose to... betray Konoha. As for your ... teammates, I already figured out why, but you...?" Sakura felt a shiver running down her spine, not because she feared that Itamiro saw through their deception, but because of his eyes. They were... creepy.

"Well, I will find out sooner or later. But now, I have a ... present for you." While he said this, Sakura looked around a little uneasy. This whole ... situation was weird. Itamiro waved with his hand, stepping to the side and revealing a group of three ninja behind him.

Two of them dragged something inside the arena. Sakura had to gulp in order to stay cool. That something was a man, bloodied, obviously tortured. Since his clothes were torn she could see that his right shoulder was dislocated, he had multiple cuts all over his body, gashes on his back she assumed were caused by whippings and she saw some nasty bruises already starting to show. The blood on his clothes and on his body had yet to dry. Some of it still flowed out of the deepest wounds.

The man hung limply between the other two, his head hanging down, rolling from side to side with the movements of his guards. Sakura assumed that he was unconscious, but when the two men dropped him down hard on the floor she heard a grunting noise. He landed on his belly, curling into a ball and weakly holding his stomach. Sakura knew that he was probably bleeding internally.

The other ninja walking behind them kicked him - directly in his abdomen. He turned on his back, still holding his stomach. Then, Sakura had to suppress the urge to cry out loud as she recognized him. Somehow, she managed to keep her stoic face and posture. The man was the ninja they had met earlier - a ninja from Konoha.

"Kill that man and I know that you belong here."

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	14. Chapter 14

Well, here's the next chapter. Again, thanks to InARealPickle who helped me with the grammar and spelling. :)

Anyway, read and enjoy - and of course review if you liked it or not.

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**14. The past gets always back at you**

"Kill that man and I'll know that you belong here," said Itamiro while subtly shifting his gaze from Kakashi to Sakura. Sakura noticed and diverted her gaze to the injured ninja in front of them. She knew that those injuries were severe enough for him to die - painfully and - faster than she had previously assumed. He was still loosing a lot of blood and Sakura saw the first signs of shock. His breathing was fast and shallow, his skin pale. Sakura knew that, even if she tried to heal him, it would be in vain. She took a step back mentally; detaching herself from the situation.

"I don't kill people who... _are__already_ dead. That man has at most an hour and maybe not even that long. I prefer a good fight before I kill someone. I would kill him. The reason I don't is not because he is a former... fellow ninja from Konoha, but because he can't fight back." Her voice was cold and arrogant. She was surprised by herself. How was she able to sound_this_ cold right now?

Ever since learning of this mission, she secretly feared that they would have to kill their former comrades. Yet, she would never have guessed that it would happen like this – forced to kill a ninja from Konoha to prove that they really betrayed their village.

Itamiro smirked evilly at her, "Then maybe you can show us what you are famous for... before one of you kills him... heal him!" Sakura just stared into his eyes; everything around them silent. This wasn't the best situation in which to be overwhelmed by a memory, but Sakura couldn't help it. She felt it clawing at the edge of her mind. She was able to force it back - for now. She would have to pay for it later, but she had no other choice right now.

"No. I won't. Your... information about me doesn't seem to be accurate. Otherwise, you would know that I no longer use my medical knowledge... at least not to heal." Sakura saw the sudden flash of anger rushing over Itamiro's face. He took a step in her direction and she felt the dangerous intent radiating from him. But, before anything happened, Kakashi took a step forward; shielding Sakura from Itamiro's icy gaze while Sasuke moved his right hand onto the handle of his chokuto. Sakura was too surprised by their reactions to respond to this nonverbal confrontation.

Suddenly, Itamiro smirked again and took a step back. "Well, now I see why you... accompanied these two. Hm, Kakashi-san?" Kakashi stayed silent for some seconds; thinking. Would it be an advantage to say that he betrayed Konoha because of Sakura? It would explain why his behavior suddenly changed when Sakura came back.

"Think what you want, but Sakura is right. She isn't one to kill someone in cold blood... well, she is, but like she said... she likes a good fight first." Kakashi spoke calmly, moving back a little while still shielding Sakura somewhat.

Sasuke, however, drew his chokuto - and killed the bloody Leaf-nin in a fraction of a second. The other three guards were too surprised to act immediately. Once they recovered, they were quick to draw their weapons in preparation for a fight. Sasuke smirked. He could see their barely concealed fear. In the end, he was used to behavior like this.

"Enough!" Itamiro called his men back. Obviously they were the kind of ninja who gladly did the 'dirty work' without thinking twice. Or perhaps they were more afraid of the consequences if they didn't obey. Maybe it was a little of both. Itamiro was angry and his three subordinates tried hard not to flinch when his gaze traveled over them. "Put your weapons away! There won't be any need for them. And get rid of that body would ya? **MOVE**!" The three ninja hurried to take away the body. Itamiro tapped with his right foot on the floor in impatience. But once he was aware of it, he stopped; fighting to regain control of himself.

"Now I see why your village believed you to be one of their best teams. Impressive really. You pass ... my little test. Since I don't have any missions for you right now, I want you to train some ... younger ninja. Akemi will show you where they are. Each of you will receive payment for your services. Now, you belong to us." Itamiro seemed pleased now. With a content smile, he turned and walked away. But all three of them saw the malfeasant expression in his dark eyes.

Akemi waited until he was gone before she began to speak. "Well done. Up till now, no ninja killed one of their own as fast as you did. Well, except maybe the average thugs…but they were never really loyal anyway even if they belonged to a village once. All hesitated before they killed, but you...I respect." She had a cold tone in her voice, and her eyes sparkled with something indefinable. Sakura wasn't sure if it was respect or something else.

Sakura dismissed the thought; there were more important things to think about. Those things were namely Kakashi's and Sasuke's reactions and, of course, the dead ninja.

The moment after she refused to heal the ninja, she began to fear that she went too far. Although, her behavior fit her profile for the last months. Then, she realized the extent to which Itamiro had really been testing them. It was not simply a test of their loyalty to Konoha. She was sure that he wanted to see Kakashi's and Sasuke's reactions to a threat against a teammate - especially a threat directed towards herself. Their reactions seemed to please Itamiro; or at least confirm something for him. Still, she was quite surprised by the way her teammates handled the situation.

She was shocked by how quickly Sasuke's dispatched the ninja, although - she realized - it was a way to show mercy. But this knowledge didn't help her to dispel the cold feeling in her stomach or stop the mental shivering.

Before she could really get a hold of her thoughts, she was interrupted. While Sakura was lost in thought, Akemi led them to an area which resembled the training grounds in Konoha. A group of ten young ... children, teenagers ... Sakura wasn't sure how old they were, waited there. Maybe waiting was not the most accurate word, since all of them were shouting; their voices loud and angry. An aura of animosity surrounded them. They appeared to be arguing about something, about what…Sakura couldn't tell.

Akemi turned around, stopping. "Those are the ... ninja Itamiro talked about. All three of you are experts in taijutsu, genjutsu and ninjutsu. We want you to train them. How, is up to you. Good luck!" Akemi walked away, grinning, while Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura looked at each other before they diverted their gazes towards the ten other ninja.

-------------------------

Sakura was sitting on the rooftop of their apartment, looking into the sinking sun and brooding over the day's events. What had they done? They had killed a ninja from Konoha! And afterwards, they pretended nothing happened! They just went ahead and somehow managed to get enough respect from the ten ninja and to get them to do some exercises. Or better Kakashi and Sasuke did. What she did was... well, nothing. She just sat there, in the shadow of a tree and looked like she was watching, but in reality, she was thinking.

_Thinking. I do that a lot these days when I shouldn't._

"We had no choice." Sakura's head shot to her left. Obviously, Sakura was a little too lost in her thoughts…dangerously so… since Kakashi's arrival went unnoticed and it seemed like he had been sitting there for some time already. He was staring into the distance, his eye serious. Sakura looked into the dark eye for some seconds before she diverted her gaze to the horizon again, gulping.

How was he able to know what she thought? Was it that easy to tell?

"I know that. It's just..." Her voice was merely a whisper and he could tell that this whole day troubled her.

"You feel guilty because you couldn't heal him." His voice was quiet and as though he was thinking himself. "You know that even if you had healed him he would have died. He suffered enough before he did. Leaving wasn't an option either. They would have killed him none the less and if you healed him, Itamiro might have ordered us to torture him futher before we kill him. Sasuke and you spared him that fate. This way he died fast without more suffering."

Sakura stayed quiet for some moments, thinking about what he said. She knew he was right, but was it wrong to feel guilty for his death?

"Would you say the same if it was Naruto lying there? Would you still tell me it was better not being able to heal him?" Kakashi heard the desperate tone in her voice. Was she really blaming herself for something she could not change no matter how hard she would have tried? The answer was yes, he realized. She already did blame herself for the deaths of other people she wasn't responsible for.

"You know better than to ask this, Sakura. I don't want to say that this is different because I barely knew this ninja. Besides, we both know that if something like this happened to Naruto there would be no need for him to be healed. He can do that in his own way... Besides... he loves Konoha and he would do anything to protect it... even give his life... And I will tell you what I would say to _anyone_ who was in the same situation, Sakura. Don't blame yourself. This is not _your_ fault, but Itamiro's. And don't blame yourself that you can't use your medical jutsu. No one is blaming you except yourself." His voice was calm, but she could hear the sad tone in his voice.

"I have a reason for it." Sakura said, a little absent minded.

"You never do anything without a reason, Sakura."

"It's not because of... Kazuo ... not _just_ because of him that I can't heal anymore. I... I tried to heal a heavily injured boy about a month after I became ANBU." She felt her eyes filling with tears, but fought them back. "I nearly killed him because I lost control over myself." Kakashi turned his head to her. She'd never spoken of this before and it was not in any reports he'd read; he knew that for sure.

"You asked me why I wear these bandages." Sakura held her bandaged arms up. She started to loosen the bandages of her left arm until he saw the skin underneath. He took in a sharp breath when he saw the extent of her scars. Sakura noticed it and hurried to explain. "I got the cuts during fights... I risked too much too often. This is the result. I didn't trust myself to heal them on my own after the incident with the boy and I... I refused help from Shizune too since I trusted no one at that time. I don't want people to see these scars and I don't want to see them myself. Because, I see them as marks of my failures." Sakura started to rewrap the bandage on her arm. When she finished, she turned her head to Kakashi again; fearful of what she would see. She expected to find disgust and disapproval. She wasn't prepared to see the calm understanding in his dark eye.

_Why am I surprised? I should know him better than that._

She did know him better than that, she realized, but she still wondered why she told him about it. Maybe because she had secretly hoped to see that he understood her - which he obviously did.

_I should know that too. He already showed me._

Kakashi saw her surprised look on her face. "Do you really think I would judge you, Sakura?" He asked this question calmly, without anger. The last thing she needed now was anger. And he wasn't angry since he saw that she already found the answer to the question on her own. "I will never judge anyone who tries his or her best to survive like you do... Especially not after everything you've been through." Kakashi's voice was serious and he looked her directly in the eyes.

Sakura was the one to break their eye contact after what seemed like minutes but were only seconds. "I know." Her voice was merely a whisper while she continued to watch the sun going down.

------------------

Sakura was sitting in the shadow of a tree, observing Kakashi and Sasuke. They trained together with the ten young ninja, but testing their abilities was a better way to describe what they did. Before they started, Kakashi asked her to watch and analyze each one's abilities. On one hand, she was relieved to see that they were not even genin level by Konoha standards. But on the other hand, she wondered why Itamiro let them stay here since they couldn't possibly be of any help; except maybe as decoys... or cannon fodder. Sakura shuddered.

"You are not doing what I would call training others." Sakura looked up when she heard the low and dry voice. Akemi stood at her right side, leaning against the tree and observing Sasuke and Kakashi. Sakura recovered fast from Akemi's surprise arrival.

"In order to train others you need to find and analyze the weaknesses and strengths of the trainee so you will know what is worth working on and what's not." Sakura's voice was businesslike and calm. Akemi drew up her right eyebrow.

"You sound like a textbook." Sakura grinned a little, but her eyes were still on Kakashi and Sasuke.

"It wasn't from a book. I know that from experience... and someone told it to me a long time ago." Akemi looked back to Sakura.

"Whatever. You've been here for one week already and you still need to evaluate their abilities?" Akemi's voice sounded disparaging and Sakura started to get angry. She had to take a deep breath to stay calm.

"You want to train them yourself?" Sakura's voice was sharp and snappy. Akemi stayed calm. "I didn't think so." Sakura grinned and continued talking. "Two of them have talent for genjutsu, two for taijutsu and four for ninjutsu. The other two seem to have no special talent for anything. If you want fast results you should ask someone else to train them. Sasuke is no teacher and I doubt that he ever wants to be. Kakashi was a teacher, but... " Sakura stopped when a kunai thrown from one of the trainees flew accidentally in her direction. She tilted her head to the right, dodging it. Her eyes narrowed. She took the kunai and threw it back in the direction it came from. The young ninja was barely able to dodge it although Sakura threw it very, _very_slowly. She grinned evilly in the boy's direction who flinched under her gaze.

"Sorry! My hand slipped!" She called out to him. She was satisfied to see a spark of fear in his eyes. Moments later, she looked back at Akemi. "Well, where was I? Oh yeah, Kakashi. He was a teacher… but he wasn't the best one I might say." Akemi looked dumbfounded to Sakura after she threw that kunai, but recovered fast.

"But he was your teacher too, wasn't he? And look where _you__are_ now." Akemi paused for a short moment. "We knew from the start that you don't want to be here. Will staying here be a problem for you in the future?" Akemi's voice was now cold. Sakura grinned.

"If it was, I wouldn't be here anymore." Sakura's tone was cold too. There was no point in letting Akemi know that she found it disgusting to be here.

"We will see. Oh, Itamiro wants to see some results _soon_. I suggest you help those two to train instead of sitting here and... analyzing." Akemi finished and walked away after a last glance to Kakashi and Sasuke.

_Great. Was that a threat? Hopefully not. I don't need any more tests. The last one was enough, thank you._

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Hours later, Kakashi and Sasuke ended the training lesson and the ten young ninja - or better wanna-be ninja - left the training site. It was late afternoon already, and Sakura felt somewhat drained. A week wasn't enough for her to completely deal with the fact that they killed a shinobi from Konoha. It was one thing to kill a foreign and enemy ninja while defending and fighting for your village. It was quite another to kill one of your own. Kakashi and Sasuke understood that and left her alone; giving her the space she desperately needed. Sakura knew that Kakashi and Sasuke had - maybe smaller, but nonetheless - important problems on their own to deal with. They didn't let it show though. They didn't want to add to her burden.

Sakura thought back to the second evening after their arrival. Sakura had remained alone on the roof after Kakashi left; saying as he went that he needed to eat something. Sakura didn't respond and did not get up to leave, so Kakashi decided that she needed some time to herself after their talk. Thirty minutes later, she silently entered the apartment without Kakashi or Sasuke noticing her. They were talking about the incident and Sakura saw troubled looks on Sasuke's and - to her surprise - Kakashi's faces.

She realized after a short outburst of hurt - hell, she couldn't fight against it - anger and jealousy, that Sasuke needed the space and talks with Kakashi as much as she did. What right did she have to deny Sasuke what she too needed to stay sane? The answer was none. So she walked back out and reentered, making enough noise for them to notice her.

_We are a great team, aren't we? Problems over problems and no way around them._

Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi walked slowly in the direction of their apartment while Sakura thought over everything that happened. Most of the time after the training they didn't talk while walking 'home'. Sakura refused to call it home since for her, that word referred to a place where you feel safe and protected. Here, she felt none of that - except when she was with Sasuke and Kakashi. But even with them around, that didn't mean she would ever feel comfortable in that apartment. Sasuke called it their 'residence'. Well, Sakura could go with that. She had to chuckle a bit about it though, since Sasuke suggested this in the same deadpan tone he used to inform his enemies that he was going to kill them.

"What did Akemi say? I saw her talking with you around noon." Kakashi's voice broke the silence.

"Well, translated I think she wanted to say that we don't work fast enough for Itamiro's liking. She also said that Itamiro wants to see results - she emphasized - _soon_. And she asked me if I intend to stay here or if I could possibly be a liability in the near future." Sakura shrugged her shoulders as to say: 'No big deal, forget about it'.

Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura felt the people observing them, so they would play along.

"What was your answer?" Sasuke mumbled in his normal cold tone; Sakura had to smile to herself again.

"The truth, what else? That, if I didn't intend to stay, I would already be somewhere else." Sakura wanted to add something, but was interrupted. She felt the kunai directed at her back and dodged it easily. She turned around, angry and ready to fight. On the other side of the clearing was Itamiro. Akemi stood slightly behind him.

Suddenly, they were surrounded by five ninja, all ready to fight. Sakura took her fighting stance.

_They're fast. I didn't feel them coming at all._

"What is the meaning of this, Itamiro?" Kakashi's sharp voice cut through the sudden silence, some of the birds in the trees flying up like they felt the danger they were in.

Itamiro was just smiling that creepy smile Sakura hated.

"Well, I have another little... test for you. You yourself pointed out to me that my information about you three is not... without flaws ... and now I want to see if the information about your strengths and abilities is true. For each one of you, I want to see a little fight. And I want to start with... Sakura." Itamiro's tone was smooth, but there was danger lying beneath somewhere. He chuckled. "Or do you think she needs your help? Heee, Sakura?" His voice was now slightly teasing.

_The last thing you do is make fun out of me. I will show you what I can do!!_

Sakura stepped forward. She nodded to Kakashi to indicate that it was okay. Both Sasuke and Kakashi took some steps back.

"I hope it is okay if you fight two of my ninja... if you are as good as your ... résumé claims, that should not be a problem for you."

Before he was even finished, Sakura felt one of the five ninja launching at her. She turned around and blocked the punches and kicks directed at her. He was good, she realized. He evaded her own punches. Not easily, but he evaded them. On the other side, she had to be quick to evade his too and she saw no openings so far.

Sakura decided to use another tactic. She knew that she was good in hand to hand combat, but she wasn't and would never be an expert like Sasuke or Kakashi. There were two other types of fighting styles she could rely on and her choice would be genjutsu, but there was one problem.

_Where is the other guy? I can't use my genjustu if I don't know where the other is... Damn. I don't want to give them an opening, but I would if I use genjutsu without knowing where the second one is..._

Sakura felt nothing. There was no other ninja, but why would Itamiro say that there was another one? Sakura retreated into the tree line behind her. Not because she was afraid. No. Maybe she could lure the ninja into a trap and maybe the other one would show himself. Sakura vanished behind the trees, the other ninja following her.

"Heya, where did you go? You afraid little girl?" Sakura smiled to herself. He'd already lost her, but she knew exactly where he was.

_Good. My turn._

"You said?" Sakura punched him hard in the stomach out of nowhere. One thing she learned early on was to be fast and that it's always good to have a hard right punch - amplified with chakra, of course.

The ninja flew over the clearing and into a tree, passing Kakashi and Sasuke who were still surrounded by four ninja. Sakura walked over to the ninja, stopping a few meter away from him. She smiled coldly. "Have you had enough or should I punch you again?" Her smile widened when she heard the grunting tone of pain.

The next instant, her smile vanished. She turned around after hesitating a few seconds.

She felt herself falling into a deep black hole of a nightmare, pictures flashing in her mind and imprisoning her. She wasn't able to move, to talk, to think. Nothing. Her breathing became erratic and she felt sweat rolling down her spine. Her heart began to race.

In front of Sakura stood the second ninja Itamiro mentioned. After some moments, he started to walk towards her, stopping at her left side. He bent forward until his mouth was only inches away from her ear.

"I will get what I want. Whether you give it to me willingly or if I have to take it by force." His voice was a whisper, a sibilance, like the sound of a snake right before it attacks. Sakura still couldn't move. He smiled evilly.

The next moment, Sakura felt a sharp pain in her stomach, forcing the air out of her lungs; she realized that it was a kick from the ninja. A_hard_ kick, sending herself down to the ground. She coughed, but she didn't even realize it.

_This is not happening. This is _not_ happening. This is _NOT_ happening. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!_

"What's wrong little girl? Too weak to fight me, huh?" The ninja walked over to her and started to kick her in the stomach, chest, everywhere he could reach, a content smile on his face.

_No. No. No. No. No! NO!!!_

Sakura started to feel the kicks, the pain. But she couldn't move. She tried hard, but she couldn't.

_"Move! Move!!! _MOVE_ at least this time!!"_

"Heh... you see her, Itamiro-sama? She is weak! I told you! She is not even strong enough to fight _me_!" The voice of the ninja sounded self-confident and mean at the same time.

"Goro!" Itamiro's sharp voice was commanding. The ninja lifted his head up, looking questioningly to Itamiro.

"Sakura!" Kakashi's calm voice was loud enough for her to hear.

_"MOVE, Sakura, MOVE!"_

Sakura's inner voice was screaming too loud and Sakura shut her eyes to shut the pain, striking through her head, out. This brought her back to reality. She gathered as much chakra into her fist as she could and punched Goro hard in his chest. He was unable to dodge it since he was distracted. He fell on his back, unconscious at best. But Sakura didn't care. She forced herself to get to her knees. Her breathing was labored and her eyes wide open in terror. She saw Itamiro leaving and with him the other four ninja; one of them carrying their comrade whom she'd defeated earlier. Sasuke and Kakashi hurried to Sakura, stopping a meter away from her.

It pained Kakashi to see Sakura like this, sending a sharp pain through his chest. He didn't know why she reacted like this, but he had an idea; though he wasn't sure if he liked it. He saw the terror and horror in her eyes, the panic and fear. Pain. Her whole body said to stay away and he didn't dare go to her.

Akemi passed him and approached Sakura, but Sasuke held her back; taking her arm in his and pressing his hand hard into it forcing Akemi to stop. He shook his head and Akemi understood.

Sakura didn't notice any of this. She was still partially caught in her memory and the shock allowed her to stand up. She turned around and vanished into the trees.

Kakashi and Sasuke stayed where they were. There was no point in following her when she was running away from them.

"Why did you stop me? She could be injured. I am a medic, you know?" Akemi asked, her voice surprised. She looked to Sasuke, but his face was unexpressive, like always.

"She may have killed you if you got too close, that's why Sasuke held you back." Kakashi answered, his voice low. "Since when do you want to help us? And what was that all about anyway? Is Itamiro trying to kill us?" Kakashi asked, his voice angry now.

"Let go of me." Akemi demanded, since Sasuke was still holding her arm in a painfully tight grip. Sasuke let go of her arm after giving her a cold and disparaging glare. Akemi rubbed the spot as to ease the pain. "You can think what you like but I am a medic. I help people who are injured and since you are a part of this _community_ too it is my duty to help you... Itamiro doesn't want to kill you. Why should he? Goro went too far, he took this action on his own. There was no order for this behavior. That's why Itamiro-sama called him back. I am deeply sorry for this incident." Akemi bowed a little. "What about her?" She asked to Kakashi who was still staring at the spot where Sakura had vanished.

"Pray that she doesn't meet anyone who pisses her off or gets too close to her. Cause she might kill that someone too." Was Kakashi's answer. He turned around and with a last glance over his shoulder, left the site; walking to the apartment and hoping that Sakura was okay. Sasuke followed him, leaving a startled Akemi standing alone in the clearing with the dead body of Goro lying at her feet.

----------------------------------

Kakashi hoped that Sakura was okay; hoped it against better knowledge. It was late and the apartment dark since he wanted no light stinging his eye. He sat on the windowsill, listening intently for the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor which did not fall. He sighed silently. He hoped that he was wrong, but he didn't imagine what went on that afternoon.

'I will get what I want. Whether you give it to me willingly or if I have to take it by force.' He heard every word that Goro said… every hiss of his voice, but he was too shocked to react himself. He saw that something snapped inside Sakura; that something was wrong. And her reaction told him that he was right. He knew what kind of memories washed over her.

_Why didn't I react faster? I was frozen on the spot when I should have helped her. I've done that once already and the last time, someone died. Don't start with this. Damn. Where is she?_

His thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the door and the dull sound of a body leaning against it. He wasn't really able to see her, just the outlines and even those just barely. Minutes passed. He didn't have the courage to let her know that he was there and he had the feeling that she didn't want him to be there; not right now anyway.

So he stayed silent while listening to her deep breaths. He didn't know how long she stood there before she went to her room, slowly and - he noticed with a bad feeling - trying to relieve her left foot and balancing her weight on her right. He heard the door to her room open and the clicking noise when it closed. He decided to go to his room, although he knew that he wouldn't sleep.

-------------------------------

Sakura opened the door to the apartment, closed and leaned against it. Her left foot was killing her and her stomach too - hell, her whole body hurt. She was glad that the apartment was dark and that Sasuke and Kakashi were asleep. At least she hoped they were. The last thing she wanted was for them to see her in this state.

She pushed her body away from the door with her hands, mindful of her injured leg. There were no fractures, but Goro landed a solid kick to her shin and putting weight on it hurt like hell. She limped carefully to her room, balancing her weight on her right leg.

Inside her room, she stripped and put on a white t-shirt and shorts; always mindful of her leg. After that, she slipped under the covers, sighing in relief when the warmth of the covers enveloped her.

---------------------------------------

'I will get what I want. Whether you give it to me willingly or if I have to take it by force.' The voice whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She had trouble breathing because the strong rough hand of the man was covering her mouth and she couldn't get enough oxygen through her nose. She panicked, tried to move and fight back against the strong and violent grip of the man. But he was too strong and she too worn out from her previous fights; low on chakra and already injured.

She started to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen, the pain from the cuts and bruises radiating over her whole body, the low level of chakra and the painful slaps the ninja was dealing to her face with his other hand. Nausea swept over her.

_No. Please no. No. No._

Sakura was no longer able to scream out loud or move. The only sound she could manage was an animal like whine- and she hated herself for it. A dry sob escaped her chest.

She realized thousand little things all at once as the feelings of disgust and immense pain washed over her. She felt the little stones on the earth pressing painfully into the skin of her back, the scratchy feeling of the dry grass on the back of her thighs, the wetness on her face from her tears mixing with her own blood, the sound of tearing fabric, the burning inside her stomach, and again pain. So much pain.

Sakura used the last of her strength to turn her head in the other direction; gazing for a short moment into the sinister dark eyes of the man who raped her.

A man who resembled Goro.

----------------------

Kakashi heard the low, dampened scream and it tore him out of his light sleep. He cursed, fighting to get out of bed in a hurry. The scream came from Sakura's room and when he approached, he heard her whining and groaning with pain.

He burst into the room and turned on the small lamp near her bed. Soft light filled the room, causing him to blink. He took everything in with one glance.

Sakura was lying in her bed, the cover wrapped around her tightly. She was twisting and turning; fighting against the grip of the blanket. Her sweat dampened hair stuck to her head and she had a tight grip on her pillow; holding onto it as if her life depended on it. She was sobbing in her sleep and in-between unsteady breaths she cried out in terror.

"No, no...please, no. Stop, please." She cried in her sleep with a heartbreaking voice. It tore Kakashi apart inside to hear it.

He went to the bed, sat down on the edge of the mattress, laid his right hand carefully on her shoulder and shook her a little.

Suddenly, her right arm shot out in his direction and landed a glancing blow to his face since he wasn't able to shift his head completely away from her or block it.

"Let go of me! No!" Her voice was louder now, but she was still sleeping. He caught her wrist to prevent another punch. The result was that Sakura only fought harder against him.

"Sakura, wake up. Come on, wake up. It's okay. Nobody is gonna hurt you." He pleaded.

_Come back to me, Sakura. Come on._

He felt the change in her breathing pattern and seconds later, she opened her eyes. She started to shiver and Kakashi tried to embrace her, but she wasn't fully awake yet. Still caught in her nightmare; she continued to fight him.

"It's okay, Sakura. It's me." Sakura raised her head and looked straight into his eye, but he wasn't sure if she really saw him. Her eyes were dulled with terror, fear and pain. She blinked.

"Kakashi?" Her voice was merely a whisper and it was rough. She stopped fighting. Instead, she leaned against him and buried her head in his chest. She continued to cry and her sobs got louder.

He hesitated to embrace her for some moments, but he couldn't fight the urge to take her into his arms anymore. He pulled her gently into his arms, giving her enough space to back away if she needed to. But she didn't.

"Sakura, it's okay. You're safe now. You're safe." His voice was a whisper, soothing her - and himself. She still shivered, but it began to subside.

"Kakashi." Her voice was husky, and her grip tightened. He looked down at her. Then, he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Sasuke standing in the doorway staring him straight in the eye. Sasuke's own eyes shown with understanding and Kakashi knew that somehow, Sasuke had figured out what happened to Sakura.

_I'll have to speak with him about this later, but right now Sakura is more important than anything else._

-----------------------


	15. Chapter 15

First of all: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. But beeing a student means a lot of work without much free time to write. And you have even less free time when your computer doesn't do what you expect him to do (for example function).

That said, I want to thank InARealPickle (again!) for the awesome changes in grammar and sentence structure (why don't I think of that?) :) and so many other little things.

And now: Read and enjoy the next chapter. And if you belong to those people who have an opinion about it (and want to tell me and everyone else who actually reads reviews), feel free to write your own review! Thanks. :)

--

15. Day of painful confessions

Sakura felt cold, still partially stuck in her nightmare. She heard a voice calling out her name, but she couldn't tell whose it was. She opened her eyes and they started to burn instantly. She felt hands reaching out to hold her down and she tried to fight back and prevent them from grabbing her.

"Sakura."

There was this voice again. She cocked her head to see who it was, but her vision was blurry and dim and the movement made her feel dizzy. She closed her eyes and blinked. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

She opened her eyes again. Her vision was far from clear, but now she saw who the person was.

"Kakashi?" Sakura was shocked by how unfamiliar her own voice sounded in her ears. She stopped fighting and an odd sense of relief went through her. She started to shiver even harder and in search for some warmth, she buried her head in his chest. The feeling of warmth she found there tore down a wall inside of her that she never knew was there, or at least choose to ignore - until now.

She continued to cry even harder, feeling the tears for the first time since she woke up. She realized that her tears didn't matter right now, that they weren't important to him - or to her for that matter. Not anymore. She started to sob even louder.

After some moments, she felt his arms around her. Normally she didn't like to be this close to anyone. But she didn't mind this time - especially not with him.

She heard his voice again. She couldn't understand what he was saying, but the tone of his whispered words alone calmed her and gave her a feeling of protection. She mentally relaxed. The cold feeling started to disappear and with it the shivering.

"Kakashi." She couldn't resist speaking his name out loud to assure that he was really there with her. She knew her feelings were irrational, but she didn't care. He was there, soothing her. This was her sole focus, the only thing of importance to her in this moment. She tightened her grip. If she was going to make a fool out of herself, she might as well do it right to the end. In his arms she felt safe - so she wanted to ensure that she stayed there for as long as she needed it - and as long as he was willing to give it.

Kakashi gazed down concerned to Sakura when he felt her grip tighten even more. When he saw that at the same time she started to relax, so did he to a certain degree.

He looked back up to see if Sasuke was still there. He wasn't. But before Kakashi could tear his gaze away from the door, Sasuke returned with a glass of water in hand.

Kakashi understood what Sasuke was doing.

After Sasuke was cleared to be a part of a team, Tsunade put Kakashi in charge of him again. For one month, they did missions together - without Naruto who was occupied with other things Tsunade made him do for her, much to Naruto's dismay.

Kakashi discovered quickly that Sasuke had nightmares and often woke up much like Sakura did this night. Of course Sasuke didn't search for Kakashi's help and comfort like Sakura was doing, but sometimes the presence of another person in the room or nearby was enough to calm him down. After waking thus, Kakashi often fetched a glass of water for Sasuke to drink and soothe his sore throat.

Sasuke handed him the glass after Kakashi shifted his and Sakura's weight a little to have one hand free. Kakashi inclined his head to Sasuke mouthing 'thanks'. Sasuke just nodded a little, turned and left the room, silently closing the door behind him.

Kakashi stayed quiet for some moments after he realized that Sakura had stopped shivering completely.

"Sakura..." His voice was gentle as he tried not to scare her. For a moment, he felt her stiffen in his embrace, but when she shifted to be able to look at him, he felt her relax again. Without another word, he moved his hand with the water into her field of vision.

She hesitated for some seconds before she took the glass and after she did, she cast a shy glance into his direction. After a minute, she started to take little sips until the glass was empty. Kakashi kept an eye on her the whole time. Feeling relieved, he noticed some of the color returning to her pale features.

After she was finished, he took the glass gently out of her hand and put it down on her bedside table. He looked down to her.

"Better?" His voice was merely a whisper since he liked the silence surrounding them himself. She nodded, barely noticeable though. Sakura closed her eyes.

Kakashi hesitated to leave. What if she wanted him to stay but didn't want to say it? What if...

"Kakashi, c-could you..." Her whispered words were nearly inaudible, but Kakashi heard them.

"...I-I don't want t-to be alone." Kakashi nodded, but stayed quiet. He knew how hard it was for her to admit it and he knew that she would be embarrassed by her question come morning. So he wouldn't make it any harder for her - and for him for that matter - through unnecessary comments.

He shifted their weight a little and Sakura helped him so that he was able to lay down on the bed with her still in his arms. He let her move around until she was comfortable in his arms, although the position they were in would surely give him a stiff neck. But what was a stiff neck compared to the pain she was undoubtedly in, be it from bruises or other injuries? The answer was quiet simple for him. Nothing. After realizing this, he forced his body to relax.

It took some time, but soon, he felt her relax completely and he heard her smooth and steady breathing, showing him that she was asleep. And soon after, he fell asleep too.

--

Kakashi woke up slowly to the sensation of warmth and the weight of another body against his.

_Sakura. _

He looked to his side and there she was cuddled up against him, her breathing calm and even. He tried to ignore her, but he couldn't. She felt so good and it was nice to see her like this. Peaceful. He wanted to savor this, wanted to see her happy and ... normal again, not just in her sleep but when she was awake. He wanted her to trust him completely, wanted her to reach out to him whenever she was troubled, not only when she was already down on the ground like she was last night. He wanted her to laugh heartily again ... with him, wanted her to loose this haunted look in her eyes she always had when she thought she was alone.

_What am I thinking? The last time I let someone this close to me, she..._

He closed his eyes, forcing the painful thought out of his mind. When he opened his eyes, he slipped away from her, careful not to wake her. It was dawning outside, but it was still fairly dark and raindrops thudded against the window. He decided to leave the light on. With a little smile he realized that it had been on the whole night.

He walked to the door, but before he left, he turned to her once more, taking the look of her face on the pillow in, burning her seemingly frail, yet strong image of her body beneath the covers inside his mind. With a sigh of regret, he left the room, closing the door after him without waking her.

--

Sakura woke up to the rhythmic and loud pounding of rain against her window. Alone. And she was grateful for it. She slept well, considering the nightmare she had last night and the injuries she received yesterday. But still the events hit her now that she was fully awake.

Everything hurt, both her body and mind. And she wasn't sure which one hurt more. The last time her body and mind hurt this much was after she was raped and after Kazuo's death. But, there had never been a person like... Kakashi by her side. Not during the darkest and most painful moments of her life.

_Kakashi. He was there last night... there for me. Again._

Sakura gulped at the thoughts and feelings rushing through her at the very thought of him and what he did for her last night. She sighed. Before last night, the only one who was ever able to help her in this way was Kazuo.

_Kazuo._

The mention of his name still stung, but it wasn't as painful as it had once been.

_"You are healing inside. Don't question it too much. Just remember who plays a great part in it."_

_I won't. How could I?_

She smiled at this thought and for a moment, she forgot her injuries completely. No wonder she hissed at the sudden pain in her leg when she moved to the edge of the mattress.

_Well, there are some things even Kakashi can't fix._

_"And some things _you_ are not ready to fix _yet_. But you will. Just keep going."_

_I will. Definitely._

--

It was only minutes after Kakashi sat down with a cup of coffee in his hand before Sasuke exited the bathroom. He walked to the can with the coffee, poured himself a cup of it and sat down on the couch.

Both stayed silent for several minutes, not sure how to start a conversation they knew they needed to have.

"Thanks for your help with Sakura last night... How did you find out?"

Sasuke took a sip of his coffee, making his patented brooding face. The face he frequently assumed back when he was 12 and dwelt on revenging his family. The only difference was the deeply sad - and somehow lost - expression in his dark eyes - very similar to Sakura.

"I had a nightmare too." Sasuke paused and Kakashi knew that it would be hard for Sasuke to tell him the rest. "It was a dream about Itachi and me fighting. I was so angry and ... hate filled. I was consumed by it. Suddenly... I felt this... stinging in my head. In the dream my Sharingan was activated and ... suddenly, it wasn't my dream anymore. It was Sakura's. When I woke up, my Sharingan was still activated... I heard you talking to her through the open door and I... I knew somehow that it was a memory she dreamed of." Sasuke looked into Kakashi's direction for the first time after telling him this.

"My Sharingan must have activated during my sleep where I couldn't really control it. This has never happened before." Kakashi saw the pleading look in Sasuke's eyes and Kakashi knew the underlying question in Sasuke's statement.

"I have never experienced something like that. I know you can do these things when you are awake and in full control of your chakra, but it might be dangerous for you if you do it in your sleep. I guess we have to work on that." Sasuke nodded. He didn't say anything else, but after a moment, he inclined his head, obviously thinking of something else.

"How do you know about Sakura?" Kakashi saw the uneasiness in Sasuke's eyes the question created.

"Tsunade told me, and I thank her for that." Sasuke nodded and took another sip of his coffee, standing up at the same time. He froze when he heard a knock on the door of their apartment. His gaze went to Kakashi who just shrugged his shoulders.

--

Sakura snuck to the bathroom. She didn't have to cross the living room first to reach it thanks to Sasuke forcefully assigning her the bedroom next door. After she was finished dressing, she went to the living room, her eyes on the floor. But then she heard Kakashi clearing his throat and she stopped dead in her tracks, looking up in the direction the sound came from.

Kakashi was sitting on the sofa, Sasuke on a chair at the table. Sitting at the table with Sasuke was... Akemi.

Akemi's and Sakura's gazes met. Then Akemi scanned over Sakura from head to toe and back before she met her eyes once more. Sakura stayed silent the whole time, meeting Akemi's gaze with a cold and hostile expression on her face.

"What do you want?" Sakura asked coldly. Akemi looked down for a short moment before looking back up. She stood up, meeting Sakura's eyes on the same level. This time her eyes had some kind of... warm expression in them?

_What the hell?_

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday. This time in person." Akemi's voice showed that she really meant what she was saying, but Sakura wasn't really in the mood to accept it.

"I don't need your apology."

"Yes, so it seems. I wanted to anyway." Akemi's expression softened a degree. "I want you to have this." Akemi reached behind her to a pocket on the back of her skirt. She tossed the item high in Sakura's direction who had to reach up in order to catch it. The hem of Sakura's shirt skidded up and exposed her stomach.

Sakura hissed. The movement caused pain to explode nearly everywhere in her body and she had a hard time taking in the next breath.

Akemi's eyes narrowed when she saw Sakura's expression and the bruises running down on both her right and left side of her stomach. She took a step towards Sakura, but Sakura took a step back herself and hurried to pull the hem of her shirt back down.

"Someone should take a look at your injuries." Akemi's voice was calm and when she got no answer, continued to speak. "You are a medic-nin, no matter if you use your knowledge actively or not. You know that some of these bruises could indicate more severe injuries. You know that you could have minor internal bleeding." Akemi's voice sounded concerned now.

"I just have some bruises and contusions. Nothing severe. Don't worry, I won't die that easily." She paused, looking to the small pot in her hand she caught.

"What is this?" Sakura held it up. Akemi had a thin smile on her face.

"It's a special formula passed down in my clan to treat injuries. It's an ointment which will help soothe the pain and help your injuries to heal faster. I brought it with me since I had a feeling you wouldn't like for me to take a look at you. Please use it. If you need more of the ointment or ... if your injuries are getting worse, you know where I am." Akemi sighed and turned to Kakashi. "I have canceled training for today and tomorrow. It's simply raining too hard. You are free to do whatever you want. If we have any tasks for you, I will let you know." She inclined her head and left them alone.

Kakashi hesitated a minute before he excused himself and went to the door, following after Akemi. Sakura looked to Sasuke, confused. Sasuke avoided looking in her direction at first and when he finally looked up, she saw uneasiness and insecurity flashing up in his eyes for a short moment before he looked away again.

"I will be on the roof." His voice was harsh but she didn't take it personally. In the end, she reacted similar in the past whenever she was uncertain about what to do. He brushed past Sakura and left the room too.

Sasuke's reaction surprised Sakura. She couldn't remember a time when he was uncertain of what to do, especially if it concerned her. She made a decision and before she could change her mind, she followed him up to the roof.

He sat on the roof, his back towards her. The rain was already soaking his clothes, but he didn't seem to care. She walked to him, crouching down carefully just behind him.

She closed her eyes, felt the raindrops soaking her skin, hair and clothes. She realized what she was going to do, but strangely, it didn't scare her.

"Thank you, Sasuke."

Sasuke's head turned in her direction and she saw the slightly shocked expression in his eyes. "What?" Sakura was sure that he remembered the last time he said 'thank you' to her and knocked her out afterwards.

Sakura smiled a little when she stood back up and walked to his side before she sat down. "I said thank you."

"What for?" Sakura looked up to the dark gray sky and closed her eyes. She actually enjoyed the cold rain.

"Don't look at me like that. I won't knock you out. If I wanted to, you would already _be_ knocked out." Sasuke continued to look questionably at her.

"I wanted to... thank you for ... your _patience_ with me and I ... I wanted to apologize for my behavior towards you when we were on the mission to protect lord Kudo." It was hard for Sakura to admit it, but she had the urge to do it. Naruto wasn't here to apologize to, but Sasuke was. She had to start somewhere.

Sasuke stayed silent and Sakura wondered if he was ignoring her now like she had on so many other occasions.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I know that I behaved similar towards you when we were 12 and ... after I ... was brought back. In fact I was much harsher to you than you could ever be to me." Now it was Sakura's turn to look surprised.

"Sakura, don't look at me like that." He looked away when he couldn't stand the shocked look she gave him anymore. It was obvious how hard his next words were for him. Much like her, he wanted to tell her some things that burned inside him. Things that he had craved to tell her for some time already.

"I know how much I hurt you and Naruto in the past. Naruto tried to tell me how much I hurt _you_, but I don't think I fully realized it until we met again ...I was blinded and ... made selfish by hate and anger when I left Konoha ... I wanted to avenge my family and kill Itachi so badly that I didn't care who I hurt... I did what I thought was the right thing to do to reach what I wanted ... Don't get me wrong, I know that there is no excuse for the things I did and I certainly know that I don't have the right to ask anything from you... especially not forgiveness. And I don't need any explanations for what you do... or don't do." Sasuke seemed to be a little self-conscious and Sakura felt the pain behind Sasuke's words.

The words were an apology. An apology from Sasuke, the master of cold stares and short and even colder words. An apology Sakura never imagined she would get.

To her utter surprise, the pain he caused her started to subside. His words were honest. She knew how painful it was to loose beloved people and the hole they left behind. She herself wasn't a role model for coping with it and deep inside her an understanding of his actions surfaced. She did what she thought she had to do after Kazuo's death - and so had Sasuke.

She remembered Kakashi's words: "I will never judge anyone who tries his or her best to survive like you do... Especially not after everything you've been through." So who was she to judge Sasuke now? Wasn't everything he did in the past a desperate attempt to somehow survive?

Yes, he had hurt her. Had wounded her feelings - and her pride. She told him that she loved him and nonetheless he had left her. She had a hard time admitting it to herself, but later she realized that it had been indeed her pride that was hurt since she loved Sasuke like the brother she never had - and not like a lover. With him gone, she lost a part of her family. Now she has the chance to repair some of the damage done in the past and maybe she'll be able to get her family back together.

Sakura gulped before she answered. "I guess we are even then." Sakura heard the slight exhale sound from Sasuke. He hadn't realized that he had held his breath, anxious to see her reaction to his apology.

"You were always too gentle and forgiving, Sakura, even when you shouldn't be." With those words he met her gaze openly for the first time since they were on the roof and saw her trembling like a leaf.

"You're cold. You should go inside." His words were brusque once more, but Sakura hadn't expected anything else.

_One step at a time._

"What about you?"

"I'm fine." Sakura stood up and started to leave the roof, but before she did, she looked back to Sasuke. He was more relaxed than she had seen him the whole time they were here, maybe even longer. A small smile blossomed on her lips.

--

Sakura cursed. She was inside her room searching for something dry to wear, but all her shirt's were either wet, dirty or simply too tight and would hurt her in her current condition. She was lucky to have her old black jounin trousers with her, which she liked for their comfort. But she refused to walk around in pants and a bra.

_"Which would hurt too since you have nice bruises on your shoulders and back."_

_Damn, I know. Argh._

Sakura looked around and hoped she would find a dry and _wide_ shirt she missed before, but there was none in the small pile on her bed or in the one on her floor.

She froze when she heard a knock on the door.

"Sakura, is everything all right?" Sakura cursed even more.

_Why Kakashi of all people? And why now?_

"Ehhhh ... " Sakura dropped a pack of kunai in her rush to reach for something to cover her bare chest, creating a loud thudding noise.

The door flew open and Sakura's heart skipped over some beats before it picked up speed. Kakashi rushed inside, just to turn around the moment he saw Sakura clutching a towel to her chest and covering herself with it.

"Sakura, I'm sorry. I thought..." He stopped himself and turned his head a little to the right where another small pile of her clothes was splayed on the floor. He grinned behind his mask. This situation definitely called for a little humor.

"What were you doing? You had a fight with your clothes? I would've liked to see it. That pile over there looks just like a battlefield." He pointed to it with his thumb, his back still to Sakura. His voice was playful and she heard the humor so typical for him in it.

She had to suppress a giggle.

_A giggle? Hell, when did this happen?_

_"I don't know, but it's nice to hear..."_

"I was just searching for a shirt to wear, but it seems I don't have one that fits right now." Sakura sounded defensive and Kakashi had a pretty good idea why she was holding that towel instead of wearing a shirt.

"And I thought you were dying in here the way you cursed." He left her standing in the middle of the room, but before she could say anything, he was back.

With one of his grayish-black shirts. He held it out to her with his left hand and covered his eye with his right.

"I think you can stop cursing now ... and I am not peeking. You still have that mean right hook and I like my jaw the way it is right now." Again she heard the waggish tone in his voice and this time, she let out a short giggle.

God. He continued to surprise her.

She hesitated to take the shirt, but she didn't have that many choices. It was either take his shirt or walk around with a towel wrapped around her and feel even more stupid than she already did.

_"And the towel will definitely hurt too. That's why you walked around almost naked after you were in our room."_

She gulped down some of her embarrassment and took the shirt. She turned around before she put it on, but she was sure that he wouldn't peek.

_Not now, anyway. Or would he?_

_"I would not count on it."_

_Oh shush._

When she was finished, she went to her bed and sat down on it. She just realized how bad her leg really burned.

"Thank you." He studied her face and saw her reddened cheeks. He noticed that she wanted to say something, but she was obviously fighting whether she should or not.

"What is it, Sakura?"

"Shouldn't you yell at me at some point?"

"Why should I yell at you?" Kakashi's voice sounded a little irritated and Sakura felt even more embarrassed. She pulled on her left sleeve as to occupy her hands with something.

"We have a mission to do and the first time it gets a little rough I..." Kakashi interrupted her mid sentence.

"Don't, Sakura." She looked into his face. He was looking at something very intently. She followed his gaze and noticed that the neck line of his shirt exposed her left shoulder now, giving him a good view of a dark bruise and she instantly pulled it back up and she felt the heat in her cheeks.

"Have you at least tried Akemi's salve?" His voice still sounded angry, but there was an underlying gentleness in it too.

"Yes. But still, I should have never let it go this far and..." Again, Kakashi interrupted her.

"I said, don't, Sakura." He took in a deep breath before he continued. "I know that you never do anything without a reason. I know why you couldn't fight with him, Sakura." He looked in her dark eyes, but all he saw was confusion. "I _know_." He emphasized his last sentence and the last word in particular.

Sakura gulped and realized by the way he looked at her that he really knew. "How?" Her voice was thin, nearly panicky.

He hesitated to answer. He knew she wanted - expected - the truth. And again, how could he lie to her?

"Tsunade told me." He saw the shocked expression on her face and the way she backed away from him, still sitting on the bed. But when she met his gaze, he saw raw anger.

"How dare she? She promised me not to tell anyone!" While she said it, she jumped to her feet, not even noticing the pain shooting through her leg. She glared at him. "How long have you known?"

Sakura was relieved to actually see him wince - just a little, but he did! - at her question.

_How dare Tsunade tell my secrets to everyone?_

_"Kakashi is not everyone. Besides, you would have told him anyway if he hadn't told you that he already knows."_

Sakura calmed down a little when she realized that this was true. She had decided to tell him this morning why she let a weaker ninja beat her like that.

"She told me the day you last met Naruto before you left Konoha." His voice was calm now and void of any emotion.

Sakura's anger rose again.

"So you knew the whole time and didn't say anything?" Her voice and posture showed her anger. She didn't even see him but looked right through him.

"Yes! I knew. What is it you would have liked me to do? Go to you and say: 'Yo, Sakura, I know that you've been raped. The weather is nice, isn't it?'" His voice was angry at first, but then she saw a trace of hurt in his eye. She still jerked at his harsh words. "I am sorry... I should not have said that... Before you give me that nice punch of yours I am sure you've already prepared, let me explain why Tsunade told me. I promise, you can beat me afterwards to a bloody pulp and I won't fight back." His voice was a mixture of sarcasm and expressed pain now.

She had never seen him like this. Not the emotions swirling in his eye and not the - desperate? - look on his face. Before she could stop herself, she sat back down on the bed.

"Fine."

Kakashi nodded and went to the window, his arms folded in front of his body. He started to speak with an absent minded voice, showing Sakura that he relived the memories in his mind.

"I lost my best friend when I was 13 during the Battle of Kanabi Bridge in the Third Great Shinobi War. You could say that we had a friendship much like Sasuke and Naruto's. He died, saving me from rocks falling down on us from an earth jutsu. My other teammate, Rin, a medical nin much like yourself, blamed herself for his death. We were there to save her since she got captured by enemy ninja. But I didn't know that she blamed herself until..." He paused and shook his head a little.

"His death, the death of our sensei about one year later, and the promise I made to myself to look after her bound us together. Years later, I became ANBU and Rin quickly made jounin. Since we were close friends, no one was aware that we had a deeper relationship. We told each other everything, at least I thought that we did." Sakura heard him gulping audibly.

"Since I was an ANBU captain, I got nasty and highly dangerous missions. At one point, I got one with an unusually high probability of severe injury and death. It was decided to send an ANBU medic with me, but since we didn't have that many at that time and all the others were occupied, Rin was assigned to this mission. We were always a great team and could rely on each other when we were on the same team, but after we realized we had... feelings for each other we agreed that we would try and not work on the same missions. Apparently, that was a mistake since I didn't know her the way I believed I knew her. When I was finished with my mission, I was pretty beaten up. She healed me and we started to head home. In a quiet rocky area we were attacked and hopelessly outnumbered. Somehow we managed to fight most of them off, but four were pretty persistent. I thought it was a good idea to engage three of them and lead them away from Rin since I believed that she could handle one herself." Kakashi's body stiffened before he continued and his breathing became a little labored.

"I was wrong. When I finished my last opponent, I heard her scream. I turned and saw her frozen on the spot, rocks falling down on her. I didn't make it in time to save her." Kakashi's voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before he could speak again.

"After I made it back to Konoha, I was told that she still blamed herself for our teammate's death - and the death of another teammate she witnessed. He died due to an earth jutsu too. I don't know if she'd still be alive if I knew about this. But, I would never have left her alone to fight the ninja if I knew." He took a deep breath.

"The point is that Tsunade knows about this. I think she wanted me to know about you in case I _have_ to know it in order to make the right decisions."

Sakura's anger was long gone. Now she understood why he always said he would not let anyone on his team die and why he always tried to draw the opponent's attention away from his teammates and to himself. Why teamwork was so important to him. Why he appeared to be emotionless the whole time.

Before she could stop herself, she walked to him. He was still looking out the window but she knew that he wasn't paying attention to what was going on outside. And with the sympathy she felt for him - and her other rather confusing feelings - she leaned her forehead on his back and embraced him from behind. She felt him stiffen for a short moment, but then she felt him relax. She closed her eyes and relaxed too as she tried to give him some of the comfort back that he gave her in the past.

She didn't say anything. She didn't need to. She knew that she was the first person he ever told this story to. At that moment she realized that he was alone to cope with the pain of Rin's death since she had been the last of his friends still alive - and that he had probably relived his relationship with Rin and the pain of loosing her whenever she told him little pieces of her own relationship with Kazuo.

They stayed in that embrace and Sakura lost track of time. Then she felt him moving in her arms and before she caught up with what was happening, she felt his lips on hers.

--

Well, well, you reached the end of this chapter :). I hope you like it. I don't know when I get to update, but it will probably take some time (papers to write, many, many books to read and so on and so on), maybe even 2 months (sorry!! or more).


	16. Chapter 16

Soooo. Here's the next chapter. I admit, it took me really long to write it. But learning for my finals took more of my time than I originally thought. But now it's finished and I hope you will enjoy it.

And a big thanks to InARealPickle - again :).

--

**16. Information**

Sakura was too surprised to react at first. Her first thought, that Kakashi - _Kakashi_! - was kissing her, evaporated into thin air only milliseconds after she registered him kissing her.

His lips were soft and gentle against hers and the feel of his lips made her head spin. Despite the lightness of the kiss, every tiny nuance of his emotions was sensible in it, every emotion she heard in his voice while he shared with her the secrets of his life. Yearning. Desperation. Grief. Even guilt. And so many other emotions she knew all too well.

She wanted to comfort him, bring him back into balance. With this thought in mind, she finally returned the kiss. Slowly and sensually, her hands roamed over his chest. There was nothing sexual about it. Only a desire to comfort.

But when Kakashi tilted his head further and as she felt one of his hands brushing lightly against the skin of her chin and the other stroking her hair and burying his hand finally into it, she forgot everything that was on her mind. She felt as if she were drowning in a maelstrom of emotion. His kiss grew more passionate and demanding leaving her dizzy and defenseless to resist.

His hand on the back of her head pushed her carefully to him and without thinking, she pressed her body into his. She heard a low rumble coming from him, but she wasn't sure if she really heard it or if she imagined it.

Suddenly, she felt him stiffen before he drew in a ragged breath and stepped back from her. She didn't open her eyes right away. She savored the feel of his lips on hers, the warmth his body had provided. A slow smile appeared on her face and she still felt a little light headed.

The smile disappeared from her lips the instant she opened her now dark, but still obviously green eyes and looked into Kakashi's face. The gentleness inside her eyes vanished a moment later, the color changing back to black.

Kakashi didn't notice any of it. He had adjusted the mask on his face the moment he drew back, the thoughts on his mind racing. He wasn't able to look at Sakura, but he wasn't able to let his eye rest on something else either. His vision shifted inside the room, not resting on anything for long.

It was obvious to Sakura that _he_ regretted their kiss. _She_ on the other hand didn't. And that made her angry.

"Eh... Sakura... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... we shouldn't... This isn't what I wanted... No, I.. I didn't mean it that way. Damn. I just..." Kakashi blurted out without looking at Sakura. If he had he would have seen the hurt in her eyes over his words - and the rejection she felt from them. Without hearing any more of his words, she turned around and left the apartment, leaving a stunned and shocked Kakashi behind.

--

Luckily for Sakura, the rain had stopped. She rushed through the apartment door to the street, anger and hurt about Kakashi's reaction coiling through her.

_How could he? How dare he...? I finally open up... I finally want something and then he... Argh! He rejected me! HE..._

She continued to rumble on in her mind, not paying attention to where she went. She just moved forward, literally stomping through the streets, so focused on her mind that she didn't feel her leg starting to burn and buckle again.

"Don't you think you should have two healthy legs if you want to kick his butt?"

Sakura stopped dead in her tracks when she heard Akemi's voice from behind her.

"Excuse me?" Sakura turned around to see an amused looking Akemi standing there. Akemi's gaze was locked on Sakura's injured leg for some seconds before she looked up into Sakura's eyes.

"You have that look on your face that says 'Mess with me and you will live to regret it' and you are walking like you want to kick someone in an area where it really hurts. Since the only people who were with you are your two teammates I deduced that you are angry at one of them. And kicking one of them will be quite hard with your leg buckling while you do it. It sure as hell would look funny though." Akemi's voice was unusual playful to Sakura. But what the hell? They were here to do a job, weren't they? And if playing nice with Akemi helped to get away from here faster she would play nice.

"I didn't notice my leg until you pointed it out." And how Sakura felt it now! She looked around discreetly for something to lean on, but there was nothing.

Sakura gulped the pain down. She could deal with it - somehow.

"Come on. My place is over there. Let me take a look at your leg - Just your leg, nothing else." Akemi added the last part after she saw the refusal in Sakura's face.

To Sakura's utter shock, she heard herself mumble her agreement and after she was over it, followed Akemi to the house on the right. It dawned on Sakura that Akemi had probably spied on her. But she wouldn't expect anything else since she wouldn't trust anyone this fast either, even after proving themselves to them and especially not in the profession they were in.

Akemi led her into a small apartment on the second floor. The apartment was small and sparsely furnished with old furniture. There were no pictures or anything indicating that someone actually lived here. But Akemi moved too confident through the apartment to just pretend it was hers.

Akemi motioned for Sakura to sit down on the couch while she went to the bathroom. Akemi came back with a small bag. She put it down beside her before crouching down in front of Sakura. She rolled the pants up to reveal a slightly but visible swollen knee and shin. When Akemi brushed her hand over it, her hand felt soothingly cold and gentle, but Sakura had to breath in sharply due to the pain nonetheless.

"I will heal your leg and relieve some of the pain, but since I know that you actually don't want me to heal you, I won't do it completely - just enough so you will be able to walk, but you will still feel pain. So I guess you should wait one or two days before you try to kick someone's butt." Akemi's voice wasn't mocking, but open and friendly. That was the only reason why Sakura didn't hiss at Akemi when she felt the other woman's chakra invading her body to heal.

Ten minutes later, Sakura felt Akemi withdraw and she couldn't repress a relieved sigh. Akemi reached into the bag and took a bottle with ointment out of it. While Akemi spread it on Sakura's knee, she started talking.

"If I knew what would happen, I would have stopped him before he hurt you." Akemi looked back up at her and Sakura saw the honesty in her face. And that was the only reason why Sakura didn't comment on Akemi's words with insulting words she would have regretted afterwards.

So Sakura just nodded her head and stood up, testing her leg in the process. True to Akemi's words, her leg didn't hurt anymore - not too much anyway. "Thank you for healing me." Sakura said it barely loud enough for Akemi to hear since Sakura was leaning down and rolled her trouser leg back down. But Akemi heard it.

"You're welcome." Akemi went to her apartment door and opened it while Sakura followed her. It seemed to Sakura that Akemi was thinking and that she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if it was wise to do so. Sakura was already through the door when Akemi called out to her.

"What is it?" Sakura looked back at her and saw Akemi chewing on her lower lip.

"You might want to go to the hot springs I showed you a few days ago. It will relieve the rest of the pain and the tension in your upper back. It's not that far from here and there are not many people venturing there so you will be alone."

Sakura was surprised about the offer and was seriously considering it. But she had no towels and she certainly didn't want to go back and face Kakashi right now. "I don't have..."

Sakura stopped mid-sentence when Akemi suddenly turned around and vanished inside her apartment again. But moments later, Akemi came back with a backpack in her hands. "There are two towels inside so you don't need to go back. Just give them back when you have the opportunity. And I added more of the ointment. You will need it."

Sakura didn't hesitate to take the backpack. "Thanks." She flashed a small smile to Akemi before she left and headed for the springs.

--

Kakashi was still shocked at what he did. Even after three hours, he still couldn't believe it. He had kissed Sakura. And the problem wasn't that he didn't want to kiss her - which he wanted, but it surely wasn't what _she_ wanted or needed. Or was it?

He shook his head as to ease his mind, but it didn't work. How could it? Sakura was important to him - and he didn't want to think _how_ important she really was. And after laying bare his most guarded secret and at the same time his most painful one, her comforting embrace had caught him off guard.

When was the last time someone just tried to comfort him without having any other intention except to help him? He couldn't really remember. Or better yet he didn't want to since the last person who did died - Rin.

And now he had hurt Sakura because he ... . Well, what did he hope to achieve by kissing her? He honestly couldn't say. It just happened without thinking.

He sighed. What had he done? He had finally regained her trust and now this. He was sure that she was hating him right now - and who could blame her for it?

His mind rambled on and on to the point he couldn't breathe because the thought of having hurt Sakura took his breath away. People thought he was Mr. 'I don't care for anything so don't bother me', but no one thought that he might actually have feelings too. The fact that he hid them well didn't mean that they weren't there.

And right now he was starting to worry. Where was Sakura? It was three and a half hours since she left and he hoped that she hadn't done anything rash - like leaving the island - which would get her killed. He stood up from the windowsill and headed for the door to their apartment. He stopped the moment he heard the creaking door open from the outside.

It was Sakura. She hurried to close the door and leaned against it, dropping a black backpack by the door. She looked pale and her breathing was a little labored.

"Where's Sasuke?" She asked, shrugging away from Kakashi's hand he laid on her arm to help steady her.

"I'm here." Sakura looked to the narrow corridor on her right, Sasuke standing in the door frame to his room. Sakura nodded to the couch and headed to the window, pacing nervously. "I have to speak with the two of you."

Kakashi was worried when he saw Sakura's face. She was even paler than the moment she had entered the apartment and nervousness was etched in her features. He went to the couch, sitting down beside Sasuke who looked curiously to Sakura.

"What happened?" Kakashi's voice was calm. There was no point in making her even more nervous with a pushing tone than she already was.

"We didn't kill a Konoha-ninja." She blurted out and stopped her pacing for a short moment. She looked up straight into Kakashi's face. She saw the transformation from his calm and sedate posture to one of tension - the one he always got when something important was going on.

"Explain."

Sakura continued to pace through the room. "I was at the cascades near the hot springs Akemi showed us. I wanted to scout a little."

"Damn, Sakura." She looked up into Kakashi's face to see the anger flashing through his visible eye, but she missed the worry since she lowered her head as soon as she saw the anger.

He had told them _not_ to scout on their own and especially _not_ in heavy guarded areas such as near the cascades. She winced a little but continued.

"At first there were only two guards talking about random things. But then a third came to them on his round and they started talking to each other. I thought it wasn't important at first, but then they started talking about another ninja, obviously someone they knew very well, who wanted out of here. One of the three then said that he was punished and that _he_ - whoever _he_ is - used _us_ to make an example of how everyone who is dumb enough to want out would end up. The other answered, that the technique from someone named Tanran always worked. Then the one who came to them mumbled something about brothers. I understood that _he_ could make a person believe that he was talking to his own kin when in fact it was a stranger in front of him. I'm sorry, but I didn't understand everything since one of them seemed to have noticed me, but I was away before they saw me." Sakura was standing in front of the window now and since she was somewhat exhausted, she leaned against the windowsill.

Kakashi stood up from the couch, one hand tucking at his hair and making it more messy than it already was in the process. "That would mean that this Tanran has the ability to make a person look like someone else."

"But how is this possible? We saw the body and it didn't turn back. And there was no genjutsu. Even when we fought the fake Itachi the body returned to its original form almost immediately. A technique like that..." There was no need for Sakura to continue. They all knew what this meant.

"When we assume the worst, then they might be able to let someone look like someone else for some time without raising suspicion. It might mean that they found a permanent way to look like someone else. This means we know how they can get into Konoha and Suna undetected. But it doesn't help us. It makes everything even harder for us. Now we don't know whom to trust either since the spies could be anyone, even people we know." Sasuke's statement was calm and now Sakura fully realized what her discovery meant. Now they were truly alone and couldn't get word to anyone they trusted - because that person could be the enemy, disguised as a friend.

Sakura looked up for the fraction of a second and froze when she registered the smoldering look in Kakashi's visible eye.

As if Sasuke felt the tension between them, he stood up and left the apartment with a short "I will be on the roof."

Kakashi and Sakura stayed silent for minutes. Both had to fight hard to hold in their raging emotions.

Sakura was afraid to face Kakashi's wrath for which he was totally entitled to. She knowingly disobeyed a direct order and the fact that she might have collected valuable information wouldn't help her in any way.

Kakashi was the first to break the silence and the tone of his voice made Sakura shiver inside. "Why did you do it?" Sakura was still looking at the floor, but when she finally raised her head once more, she looked directly into the barely concealed anger of his piercing eye. Kakashi stood right in front of her. If the anger she saw in his eye and the tension in his body was transformed into heat, she was sure she would spontaneously combust.

Sakura gulped down the fraction of fear she started to feel. Kakashi wouldn't hurt her physically, would he? She couldn't explain why she did it. She couldn't. There was just this ... need ... to go there - and she had acted on it without further thought.

"I don't know. It was just..." Sakura's voice sounded thin and insecure and she hated herself for it. She was a member of ANBU for heaven's sake. She always did things like that when she was with Hideaki's team. So what was Kakashi's problem now?

Kakashi interrupted her mid-sentence and and the question-like comment shocked her. "So you still want to kill yourself?" There was an odd note to his voice she couldn't identify and before she started to think about it, the comment registered in her mind.

"What?" The word was more breathed out than actually spoken.

_What the hell is he talking about?_

_"Well, you know what he is talking about. So don't _ignorehim_ for a change."_

"You know Sakura, I noticed some things and I put them together, but I would never have thought that you hadn't figured it out yourself." He paused for a short moment, taking a step back from her. If Sakura had looked down in that moment, she would have seen his hands forming tight fists at the side of his body. It would have been obvious to her that he had to hold himself back from shaking her.

"You don't want to commit suicide yourself. I don't know if it is because you are too gutless to do it or if it is because you _can't_ bring yourself to do it. So you want _others_ to do it _for_ you. Why do you think you took - and still take - unnecessary risks like today? Why you _knowingly_ disobey orders that are set for your safety? Why you refuse to have others take a look at your injuries which could probably kill you?" Kakashi's voice got louder and louder and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself again somewhat before he continued.

"I read the reports of your missions and I can read between the lines. You had **two** _**very**_ close calls, probably more when I take the scars on your arms into account. Tsunade was sure that you were not suicidal, but I doubt that now. Why Sakura? Does your life really mean nothing to you?" His voice held the odd note in it again, but Sakura was thinking about what he said too hard to notice.

_Is it right what he says? I'm sure I'm not suicidal. Am I?_

_"I told you to __**listen**__ to him. And you know the answer to that question already."_

"Do you think Kazuo would want you to die too? He sacrificed his life so you could live and this is how you want to pay him back? By making your life mean nothing? By giving it up without so much as a fight to stay alive? You want the first one who can kill you to do it?" Kakashi continued and Sakura slowly realized how right he was. But that made it no less painful to hear it from him. Together with the hurt she still felt over his rejection this morning, this realization made her angry again and made her forget her fear of him.

"You wouldn't talk to me like that if I were Sasuke. I am a member of ANBU and not a genin anymore! If Sasuke did what I did, you would say 'well done' and leave it be, but with me you get all 'I am the squad leader and you have to obey my orders or else all hell will break loose'." Sakura was angry enough to ignore the expression in his eye and looked him straight in his face.

"You are right. I wouldn't talk to Sasuke like that because he is not the one who is the target here. **But you are!** Why do you think they tested us the way they did?" Kakashi saw the dawning understanding in her eyes. "Exactly. They tested Sasuke's and my reaction to a threat dealt to **you**. And they want to know our relationships towards each other. Because they might want to replace you for a short time to see if we really are who we pretend to be. And you make it easy for them no matter if they want to take us out one by one or replace you." The anger was back in his voice again. He turned around and went to the opposite wall and leaned his hands against it, his forehead resting on the wall.

But Sakura was too lost in her thoughts to see it.

_He is right, isn't he? I wanted to die too, end the pain for once and for all._

_"Yes, and you still want to die."_

Sakura now saw the thought her inner self had guarded from her for so long. Every time she went into a fight, her first thought was: 'Hopefully this time.' And it was the wish to die in battle.

_Because then my death would mean something__; it might help others._

_"But what if it meant more to your friends when you would come back from a fight alive? What if it means more to Kakashi if you are alive? Look at him."_

Sakura looked up and saw Kakashi leaning against the wall like he did and a tear started to roll down her cheek.

"Damn Sakura." His voice was thin and he seemed to choke on something. And now she could identify the odd note in his voice. It was despair.

_Oh god._

She took a tentative step into his direction and then another until her outstretched hand brushed his right shoulder blade gently. She felt him tense up more. She took another step towards him. Her body was now near enough to rest her forehead against against his back.

"Don't touch me." His voice was still desperate, but she heard the pleading tone audible in his silent words, showing her that he didn't mean what he said. "Cause if you do, I'll want to kiss you and we both know how wrong it went the last time I did." Another tear escaped her eyes.

"What?" Her question was choked out, her voice full of emotions. She felt Kakashi relax under her and his breathing even.

"I want to kiss you. But it would be wrong because you still have things to work out." His whispered words were enough for Sakura to feel joy and happiness the way she hadn't for a long time.

_He didn't reject me... He just... thought of me and my feelings._

She drew away from his back and felt him tense up once more. She smiled. She would surprise him. She went around him and pushed his right arm away from the wall. Kakashi had to back up just a little to steady himself which gave Sakura enough space to slip into the space between his body and the wall. And when Kakashi looked up into her face, he glimpsed the tender expression in Sakura's jade-green eyes a second before he felt her right hand caress his chin.

"What if I want you to kiss me?" Sakura flashed a smile at him and leaned forward, pressing her body to his, searching the warmth he provided. Before Kakashi knew what was going on, Sakura reached for his mask, drew it down and pressed her lips to his. Her kiss was gentle at first, urging him to kiss her back. And he did. He pressed against her until she leaned against the wall and his hands trailed over her arms up to her shoulders until he cupped her face with his hands while he continued to kiss her. When Sakura kissed him more passionately, he tilted his head and further intensified the kiss.

The kiss made Sakura go weak at the knees and her head to spin. It took her breath away and she felt her heart fill with joy. How could he think she didn't want him to kiss her when he kissed her like that? How could anyone say no to a kiss like that?

But again the kiss was too short for her liking since Kakashi drew back his lips away from her. He smiled when he saw the tenderness in her eyes and he was sure she didn't realize her eyes were once again the adorable shade of bright green that he couldn't see enough of. He realized that his face was completely visible to her and for once, he didn't move to cover it.

Sakura was completely still in his arms, totally enthralled with this man's face she was seeing for the first time. He was gorgeous. No wonder he hid his face. She reached up to his face with her right hand and brushed his right cheek gentle and lightly with the tips of her fingers.

Kakashi smiled. He reached up to brush a strand of her black hair back from her face. While he did it, Sakura tilted her head so her cheek was resting against his palm.

"Please, don't do it again, Sakura. You'll give me a heart attack if you do." His voice was hoarse but gentle. Sakura's eyes hooded for a moment before they brightened up again and her smile grew even wider. "You are still a little young for a heart attack." Her voice was playful, moments later she was serious.

"I didn't do it on purpose. And I guess I didn't realize that I could be in immediate danger. It was stupid." She gulped. "I won't do it again."

They continued to look at each other and Sakura had the feeling, that she was grinning like a fool. And somehow she liked it. They suddenly moved against each other, the kiss hungry this time. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He interrupted their kiss shortly to ask the question, but before Sakura was able to answer, he had claimed her lips again. She smiled under his lips for his thoughtfulness.

_Leave it up to Kakashi to ask a question like that while he kisses someone senseless._

"No, you didn't. I'm okay." She breathed to him between two kisses.

Suddenly, they heard a sharp knock on the door.

Kakashi groaned deep in his throat as he moved his face away from her. "Just my luck." His voice was a whisper, but she heard the humor in it.

He continued to hold her in his arms, both not moving and concentrating if they heard another knock. When it came, Kakashi groaned again while he leaned his forehead against hers for some seconds before he released her completely. He moved to draw his mask back up but hesitated. Sakura was already moving to the door to answer it, but in one fluid motion, he drew her back against him and gave her another short kiss.

"It's probably Sasuke who forgot the key."

"Well, I would say he doesn't need a key, but lets pretend he does."

She smiled up at him while he righted his mask and went to the door to answer it instead of her. The smile was still on his face, but after he saw who stood at the door, it vanished.

"Akemi."

"Kakashi-san. I am sorry to drop in like this, but I need you, Sasuke and Sakura to come with me, please."

--

Back in Konoha, 3 weeks after Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura left:

Naruto stood in front of Tsunade's desk, Hinata, Tenten and Neji beside him. Tsunade sat at her desk and had her typical serious expression on her face, but she looked unusually tired at the same time. The last three weeks were pure torture for her and Naruto knew that he had a big part in it. How could he believe that Kakashi and Sasuke betrayed Konoha, that a part of his family had left him alone again? He still wouldn't believe it. And Tsunade was the one who had to deal with him. He came here every day, asking for permission to search for them - but he got the same answer every day. No.

She always told him to stay put and he hoped that she would allow him to go now.

"I have a mission for you." Tsunade saw the sudden light in Naruto's eyes and sighed. "No, Naruto. It is not to search for Kakashi, Sakura or Sasuke. I'm sorry. But this mission is as important as continuing of the search for them." Tsunade looked straight at Naruto and for once, he stayed silent. But then Tsunade knew why. She saw Hinata inching closer to Naruto and brushing her left hand against his right. And as always, the tortured expression on his face lessened a degree.

"I need you four to meet with Sai and Yamato at the northern border. They obtained a scroll which I want you to bring back here. I want to be honest with you. This scroll will be dangerous if the wrong people get their hands on it. Once you receive it, guard it with your lives."

All four nodded and moved to prepare for the mission, but Tsunade called them back. "Wait. Keep this mission a secret. If someone - anyone - asks where you are going, tell them that you have a guard job to do. A simple boring guard mission. Don't say more. Keep your identities hidden and don't wear your headbands. Take only the most necessary of your weapons with you. Tenten." Tenten jerked a little when she heard the sharp tone in Tsunade's voice. "Use one of your sealing techniques to hide the scroll inside another scroll, just to be safe. And keep it hidden there."Tsunade waved her hand to dismiss them.

"Neji. Stay please."

Neji's expression stayed stoic while the others left the room. When Tsunade was sure that nobody was near, she addressed Neji again.

"From the moment Tenten has the scroll, you don't let her or the scroll out of your sight. Do you understand?" Tsunade stressed the last words, although she was sure that he understood.

"Yes. I understand." Tsunade stayed silent for a minute, collecting her thoughts. And when she finally continued, Neji went cold inside.

"We are in serious trouble Neji. Don't trust anyone you know unless you are sure it's really them. Use your byakugan if you have to confirm someone's identity. Don't just trust someone because he is a friend. When you come back, hand in a report about a normal, boring and uneventfully guard-mission. Business as usual and with that I mean the sun shining bright and the birds chirping a pleasant song. Don't write anything about the scroll. Let Tenten give you the scroll. After you receive it, keep it, hide it or do whatever you must to keep it safely tucked away. Don't show it to _anyone_. _Not even me._ Don't talk about it - again, not even to me, even if I _ask_ you about it. If I do, you don't know anything about it. There will be no reference to this information in your official mission scroll."

Neji nodded but knew that Tsunade wanted to say more. "Keep an eye on Naruto and Hinata too. Let them help you to keep the scroll safe, but don't give it to them or reveal that you still have it. Let them think you gave it to me." Tsunade's voice was grave. Neji knew instinctively how important this scroll had to be if Tsunade asked him to do this. Asked him to lie to his friends and the woman he loved. It had to be _**really**_ important.

He went to her to take the scroll with the false mission description and went to meet the other three, already waiting for him at the gate. He had a bad feeling about all this.

--

End of this chapter. I hope you like it. It would be nice to let me know what you think - please review. Why you like the chapter or even why you don't (with an actual reason, please.)

I hope to be faster with the next chapter, but I can't promise anything.


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